Grandparents took my daughter to A&E without letting us know

[2828r]

Am, I being unreasonable? I'll just set out the facts. The kids stayed out at their grandparents last weekend and went to a skate park. My daughter fell down some stairs and hurt her leg.

My wife had just finished a run of night shifts and we were expecting the kids back around 1:30. When they turned up at 2:30 my parents said they had taken my daughter to A&E to have her checked out, but hadn't told us as my wife had just finished nights and they didn't want to worry her.

My daughter was fine, just a little bruised and shaken by the experience. We later found out from her that she had fainted which caused the fall. My parents weren't aware of the fainting incident and just thought she'd had a clumsy moment.

We feel that if a child is taken to A&E, we should know about it straight away as grandparents don't hold parental responsibility and can't consent to treatment if required. Although our daughter was fine, children present differently to adults and tend to compensate very well then suddenly deteriorate, she could easily have had some other internal injury.

This is a fundamental disagreement, my parents think they were being considerate with my wife having just finished nights. We feel it's more important to be informed if an incident is serious enough to warrant a trip to A&E

I think you're being unreasonable. They clearly didn't want to stress your wife out, your daughter was fine as it turned out and I'm sure they wouid have contacted you should there have been something seriously wrong or something that required treatment.

Now if she had broken her leg or hit her head hard and they had ignored it, I could see why they would have been unreasonable if they neither contacted you nor took her to the hospital.....

YABU- I can understand you must be upset, but let’s look what they did:

• a child fell from the stairs
• they didn’t know that she fainted before and the child didn’t tell them that that’s why she fell
• they thought it’s better to take DC to the doctor just to be sure.
• they didn’t call you becoz of x reasons
• the doctors/hospital call the parents/guardian immediately if they need any consent for the immediate procedure on a child unless it is life threatening, then they can act themselves

now, if it had happened in your home, and you didn’t know that fainting was the real reason and DC didn’t tell you- most probably you wouldn’t even have taken to A&E- because let’s face it, children fell and we don’t always rush to emerg! so, if you’re being over worked on this- you are being very unreasonable! if you just want to be informed, thank them and let them know and move on!

Best response honestly , if they keep going on about or word it firmly i would not want to care for the kids ever again .

It sounds like they thought they were doing the right thing at the time and all is well. If things had deteriorated they would have contacted you, but they didn't. I would rather have known too, but she was under good care of A&E and safe with loving grandparents.

Just tell them that if anything like that happens again you really would prefer to know as soon as possible, and please don't worry about disturbing you in these circumstances. Then you are all clear and no need for further disagreements.

If permissions for any treatments in A&E were needed you'd undoubtably have had a call.
Don't be so f....king precious! They rightly went to the professionals for an assessment thank God. Immediate thought would be for the child not your ego.
Many would give their back teeth for support like yours.

I cannot BELIEVE some of these comments!
'They can't be trusted etc!'
The GPs looked after your kids, took girl to a&e after a small accident and told you about it when they returned the kids to you. They were being considerate about not bothering you at the time because of your wife working nights.
If in future you would rather they let you know at the time, say so nicely but don't belittle their kind intentions or their loving relationship with the kids!

I'd just be honest with them if it's upset you. I'd say, thank you for being conscientious and taking her to hospital, we appreciate you did that but would have preferred a phone call so we could have met you at A&E. If anything like this ever happens again, please call us.

Yabu. Look after your own children in future if you're not happy. Talk about ungrateful!

They have done what they have with the best intentions and tried to prevent fall out of the other consequence (being angry that wife was woken if kid was ok) if any medical treatment was required and your consent needed would they have contacted you? Have a conversation with them and state what made you feel uncomfortable but please caveat it with you understanding that they did what they did with best intentions as you may do yourself out of possibly free childcare.

I think they were clearly trying to take some of the load off you, they took your children out and dealt with a medical event. Nothing bad actually happened. Having a close extended family is such a blessing

Initially I was going to say that, whilst I agree with you, and would want to know immediately if my child was hurt badly enough to warrant a trip to A&E, I could kind of see your parents' point of view as well. But your updates have changed my mind. I think if this continues to be a fundamental sticking point, you're going to have to say that the grandparents can't see their grandchildren without you present.

Totally not the point of your post, but you may wish to get a medical alert card printed with your children's medical conditions, medication and paediatrician/consultant contact details printed on it. That means if they're ever in a similar situation and get flustered explaining their conditions, they can show the card. (I have one for my son, which he keeps in his wallet. The school know this, and have instructions to show it to the paramedics if an ambulance ever needs to be called.)

So, why didn’t you do with them?
From your dripping posts, you sound so angry with your parents over other things non related to this post!
I feel sorry for them that you think they can never do right because you are just perfect! and your dripdowns I know why they didn’t phone you- because of all this drama!

this whole anger in you for A&E trip and not letting know is just a sham as you were angry from before!

next time when/if they want to take the DC for anything, just go with them! Or don’t let them take them!

They managed to get you to adulthood, you trust them to look after your child. They did that, Give them credit for having common sense.

I would be furious at this, and actually probably wouldn’t trust them again to look after the kids. It’s ludicrous they didn’t call either of you in my opinion.

They were trying to do the right thing, give them a break.

@2828r I agree with this ^. What if they had brought her home, what would you have done? They took the child to be checked by medical professionals. The same medical professionals who would have contacted you had there been the need. Mind your own children and you can make these choices.

YABVU. They sound caring and thoughtful. A&E staff do not need parental consent to examine a child in an emergency. They need it to investigate (bloods, X-ray etc) in which case, they would have called you.

I really don’t think you are being unreasonable. My parents would do the same in a kind of playing parents role and thinking that i didn’t need to be told/ not wanting to tell me and it would have made me so cross. We had numerous incidents in the years my kids were young and I wish now I had paid for childcare instead as the power dynamics put such a strain on an otherwise good relationship.

It's called being in loco parentis

And no one is disputing that they did the right thing going- it’s the lack of a phone call. It’s a lack of respect for you as parents I think

What an odd response.

Would it have been better for them not to take her to be checked? Hung around while waiting for a parent to show up?

Dammed if they do
Dammed if they dont
They surely showed they would err on the side of caution when responsible for their grandchild ?
Thats a big plus from me
They knew she was on nights and were trying to be considerate……
Another plus

Some folk just can’t say Thankyou

Go ahead and make an issue of it, but don’t expect them to be rushing to help with childcare in future.

I am sure if they had been aware of the fainting or if it had been more serious they would have called. It sounds like this was accident rather than emergency.

This exactly. Its a judgement error made from a good place. Don't trash your relationship over it.