Grandparents took my daughter to A&E without letting us know

[2828r]

Am, I being unreasonable? I'll just set out the facts. The kids stayed out at their grandparents last weekend and went to a skate park. My daughter fell down some stairs and hurt her leg.

My wife had just finished a run of night shifts and we were expecting the kids back around 1:30. When they turned up at 2:30 my parents said they had taken my daughter to A&E to have her checked out, but hadn't told us as my wife had just finished nights and they didn't want to worry her.

My daughter was fine, just a little bruised and shaken by the experience. We later found out from her that she had fainted which caused the fall. My parents weren't aware of the fainting incident and just thought she'd had a clumsy moment.

We feel that if a child is taken to A&E, we should know about it straight away as grandparents don't hold parental responsibility and can't consent to treatment if required. Although our daughter was fine, children present differently to adults and tend to compensate very well then suddenly deteriorate, she could easily have had some other internal injury.

This is a fundamental disagreement, my parents think they were being considerate with my wife having just finished nights. We feel it's more important to be informed if an incident is serious enough to warrant a trip to A&E

As someone who works strings of nightshirts, I think they were really considerate. I presume they would have immediately told you if she had been seriously injured.. but just acting out of caution then yeah.. they told you a few hours later so that it didn't disturb your wife's sleep. Which is considerate of them. It's not like they withheld the info from you or like she was seriously injured. I wouldn't be angry about thus.
I would take your daughter to the gp about the fainting ASAP tho

Lol

i think they should have contacted you. They obviously did the right thing taking her to A&E I wouldn’t be annoyed as they did what they thought was right at the time and she was checked out, but if it was me I’d of informed you

I think this is a slight overreaction possibly due to the stress of the situation. I get the angry bit and I would have liked contact to have been made to at least one parent but they acted how they saw fit at a time of panic and their instinct was to get your daughter to hospital, it obviously differs from what most people would have done. Grandparents did the right thing going to A&E. The hospital would have made contact with you had they needed to, they didn’t and things were fine. Grandparents were probably shocked themselves but they had nothing but your DD’s best interests at heart and she was made a priority, rightly so and they acted accordingly. They even considered your wife in all this stress debut they did get it wrong. Be grateful they cared enough to get their granddaughter to hospital to be checked over. They sound like loving and committed grandparents to me. The unsupervised visits thing seems rather harsh to me. A bit of an overreaction in my book. Just tell them that in future they need to contact you in the case of an emergency and leave it at that. Don’t forget to thank them for doing what they did and being considerate too. They are probably stressed and worried as much as you are as a parent so give them a break. It happened on their time so they will be feeling rotten enough as it is without being berated further.

Grandparents did the right thing taking her, if they hadn’t then you would have caused a bigger issue. Don’t forget these adults brought you up and looked after you so they are more than capable of looking after their granddaughter. Get a grip and be grateful for having such lovely and considerate parents.

^ this ^ don't leave then looking after them if you don't trust their judgement. If it were "serious " the hospital would of requested you attend. Ffs give your head a wobble.

Honestly, I thought your kid was probably 4, not 14. At 14, she’s not likely to present clinical symptoms in the same way as a toddler. Is she developmentally delayed intellectually, so she can’t express what’s happening? Even though she may have some health issues, it sounds as though there’s an awful lot of anxiety and fear in her upbringing. It sounds as though want to cut your parents down/out of the picture - what do the teens think of their relationship with the grandparents? Is it unreasonable to take her and tell you later? It doesn’t sound very serious, so no. I’d actually question whether they were scared to tell you.

You gave them responsibility to look after your child and they did what they thought best. If it had been serious such as broken bones or consent needed I'm sure they would have contacted you immediately. If you don't trust their judgement then look after your own children.

I think you are overreacting . They took her to the hospital obviously just before she was due to go home so she wasn’t that late, and she wasn’t badly hurt, and they didn’t know she fainted . It was a precaution. I sense you have a bit of resentment for your parents . It’s like you seem to deal with the bad stuff while they get to have the fun stuff . Your kids benefit from them in helping them with their recovery from their early years and gaining trust . You have to be praised for what you have done for these kids , it’s wonderful. In this case , just let it go and tell them to call you if anything similar ever happens.

Your posts are very interesting and I’m very impressed with your care and intelligent parenting of your children and also your tenacity.
They are very lucky to have you.

I totally understand your sheer frustration with your parents, but by virtue of them being your parents, and in your particular case, they will always know better. It’s a very common theme.

To offset your frustration with them, be mindful that a lot of GPs believe it or not, want very little to do with their grandchildren.

It’s extremely hard, I know from experience, but also try to look at the good times and the love they have for them. It’s so important and worth so much.

I’m more concerned that the child says she fainted didn’t tell the Grand parents. Did she tell the Dr at hospital she had fainted? It’s a whole world away from a bumped leg and needs additional medical evaluation. Can’t see anywhere how old this child is. ??

yabu. If your DD had something serious going on, struggling to breathe etc or needed ambulance? Yes.

A little fall & a precautionary trip to A&E? No, I’d be grateful & move on.

Firstly, they should have taken your daughter to A&E, pronto, if they were concerned.
Secondly, they should have contacted you, not your sleeping wife, and kept you in the loop of what happened and what was happening. Then you would have had the choice to wake your wife, come to the hospital, not go to the hospital etc. etc.

I would thank them for their care but say that next time they also need to contact you (or if your wife is the only parent available and even if she had worked nights, your wife)
You are right in thinking that the parents should know.

If, while in the care of grandparents, a plaster needs to be applied to a graze at a swimming pool or ice to a bumped elbow etc. I would expect to be informed upon arriving home.

A&E or doctor/dental appointments are different.

Absolute horseshit.

What total shit .

It sounds like they were being considerate to your wife and were trying to give you both a break. A&E for checking out a bruised leg after a fall is just them taking precautions. Especially as you say they didn’t know about the fainting. I would just tell your parents that you would rather know next time. I don’t think it is a big deal.

Quite. I despair at these pp who demand no unsupervised contact over the slightest thing. At most all that is needed is a conversation between P and GP. You’d think GP had never successfully raised children!

Hang on, DC is 14? They probably assumed she’d tell her parents herself.

This is what I'm wondering. Why is it on OP's wife to be contacted?

I can't believe people are finding this okay? Maybe none parente themselves. How hard is it to say

Hello, please don't worry but we are heading to A&E as perdy had a fall at the skate park. She's okay in herself but complaining of her leg being painful. Feel free to ring whenever. Will keep you posted

Not hard

Rang on the way? That’s what they could/should have done. If a child is I’ll enough to warrant A&E you call the parent, they could’ve call the one that hadn’t been on nights.

When you take a child to a&e the safeguarding form includes a question about whether all people with parental responsibility are aware that the child is there. It would be interesting to see what happens as a result of them saying no. Eg I once took my child after he fell awkwardly on his wrist. I answered that I hadn’t told my husband because he was away on business and would be asleep because of the time difference. They were ok with that answer but since neither of you were there I wonder if that will trigger something else.

How in the hell in OP BU.

If you have someone else’s kids in your care and your taking them to A&E you call the parents on the way!!!

Who knows what sort of medical decisions need to be made? That was not the grandparents choice to make. Utterly outrageous that they don’t call the people with parental responsibility to come out and support their child.

I don't think parental responsibility matters if a child presents in an emergency situation the doctors aren't exactly going to leave them while they wait for a parent to appear. They are the adults caring for the children and a child needed checking out. That was their responsibility and they were trying to be considerate. The hospital would have informed you if it was necessary. It wasn't. Of course your feelings are your feelings but from an outside perspective I don't think they acted with ill intent or irresponsibly. Just make sure they know you would like to be informed regardless of it happens again.

@ThePineapplePrincess oh for goodness sake!!