Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To wonder who you agree with re childcare

140 replies

Grestin · 23/11/2023 08:00

dh doesn’t want to consider a childminder, he thinks there may be problems with reliability and also the mix of ages may be a problem.

I think it might be good to at least look.

Wondering what others would do when you just don’t agree.

OP posts:

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/11/2023 08:04

What’s his alternative suggestion?

Childminders seen very marmite - people either love or hate the idea I find.

wholecupcake · 23/11/2023 08:06

Look for an alternative you both agree on?

PicaK · 23/11/2023 08:09

You go look at all the options. Then decide.

Original poster

Grestin · 23/11/2023 08:11

But what alternative? It isn’t like veg where there are loads, it’s childminder or nursery - or nanny I suppose but probably not realistic.

@PicaK thats what I’m saying, he won’t even look.

OP posts:

BeardedIrises · 23/11/2023 08:12

Look at all options. No point in theorising — look at specific nursery/childminder etc. We had an excellent childminder who lived five minutes’ walk away, and whose bunch of children of different ages were a real little family for DS, who kept going there for wraparound care till we left the country.

NoCloudsAllowed · 23/11/2023 08:12

Who is looking after your child now? What's his suggested alternative? If it's you being a sahm when you don't want to be, he can do one.

There are good and bad childminders just as there are good and bad nurseries (and parents, tbh). Ofsted now requires cm to meet early years educational needs so they're supposed to do stuff that supports development but the quality does vary.

Children of different ages mixing can be very sweet and beneficial, they love it. Especially if the cm does school pick ups so it's only for an hour or so.

If you can get a cm by word of mouth/personal recommendation, that's ideal.

Myfirstsecondthird · 23/11/2023 08:13

Depends on his alternative. Nurseries...he can book viewings to nursery (and you book ciewings to child minders)... go together and choose. Having a sahp.. he can be the sahp. So it very much depends

Riverlee · 23/11/2023 08:14

Who Does he propose looks after your child?

Ethels · 23/11/2023 08:15

I agree with him and will be using a nursery. More expensive but you don’t need to worry about the childminder being sick or taking holiday.

SecondUsername4me · 23/11/2023 08:15

Childminders don't really have much of a mix of ages for the majority of the day though - their school age mindees will be at school! Where does he get the idea they are unreliable from? They are self employed, so if they don't work they don't get paid, so it's in their interest for their own business to be reliable.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 23/11/2023 08:16

Well just tell him to get you know when he has sorted childcare and that he can sort his hours out to suit but your week will look like this...

yellowlane · 23/11/2023 08:16

I preferred nursery due to more flexibility about holidays. With childminder they will usually close for 2-3 weeks per year so they can take a (deserved) holiday. As there's nobody to cover parents have to. If childminder is unwell again no cover.

We visited CM's and nurseries and chose a nursery that was small and homely. D stayed there until they went to school.

NoCloudsAllowed · 23/11/2023 08:16

Even supposedly liberal, enlightened men can suddenly go into a different mode with a 'my mum looked after me at home so you should do the same for my child' attitude.

It's basically saying a woman's place is in the home. Fine if that's what you both want but not fine if he's trying to push you into it.

Kids can really thrive with childminders, it widens their world, develops their confidence, helps them build relationships and play with different toys etc. And it's still a home environment.

WandaWonder · 23/11/2023 08:17

We went nursery I preferred the set up to one main carer

BoohooWoohoo · 23/11/2023 08:19

I hope that he’s putting in as much effort into researching childcare and not leaving it all to you.

Personally I found the mix of ages a plus. Babies don’t make friends until they are older and there’s plenty to learn from being with older kids. There’s lots of years at school to be with people born around the same year you were.

Not all nurseries and childminders are good do it may turn out that one of the options are automatically discounted once you see some nurseries and childminders.

Orangello · 23/11/2023 08:19

So what does he propose then? Nothing? Child will look after themselves?

NoCloudsAllowed · 23/11/2023 08:19

Re reliability - we had childminder from 1-3years then a year or so of nursery.

Nurseries in my experience are more likely to send kids home if they're a bit coldy/out of sorts - some take their temp even when they're not showing any signs of illness. Our childminder was much more flexible. And in COVID it was much better as nursery closed every time someone got a cough!

Original poster

Grestin · 23/11/2023 08:20

Sorry he doesn’t want me to be a sahm, it’s just he thinks nursery .

Different ages … still a difference between a baby and 3 / 4 year old though. Just trying to consider options.

OP posts:

NoCloudsAllowed · 23/11/2023 08:20

Why not do some visits and ask around and see what you think?

aswarmofmidges · 23/11/2023 08:21

Childminder with a mix of ages can be great - a more natural set up and also many will do school drop and pick up and holidays for the children they had as babies so the child gets continuity and you get help for the difficult primary years

NoCloudsAllowed · 23/11/2023 08:21

Ime older kids at 3-4 are either entirely uninterested in babies or very sweet with them. And babies love watching older children.

NameChangeBonus · 23/11/2023 08:21

Is this because he would prefer a nursery? Nurseries are my preference too and I would never even have considered a childminder so I do get where he is coming from. Are you similarly against nurseries.

When DH and I don’t agree, then whichever of us feels most strongly on the topic gets their way!

Sceptre86 · 23/11/2023 08:23

How wmold is the child? Any special needs? How many days childcare do you need, is it full days or half days? Who would do pick ups and drop offs? Surely all of that info would help you decide what will work best for your family?

My dh wasn't keen on using a childminder as he felt nursery was a better option Our dd thrived in the nursery setting but I think our ds would have been better with a childminder. We work around each other for dd2 ao no childcare needed but if we did I know some great childminders that I would have looked at instead of a setting like nursery.

Popetthetreehugger · 23/11/2023 08:24

I think look to see what’s even available! You may not have luxury of choice.

Iscreamtea · 23/11/2023 08:24

There are good and bad childminders and good and bad nurseries. Child would be fine with either if they are good. My personal preference would be childminder for an under 3 because I like the home environment and think you can build a more personal relationship with them. From 3 I'd want them in pre-school or nursery because I think there are big benefits at that age.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6