To wonder who you agree with re childcare

[Grestin]

dh doesn’t want to consider a childminder, he thinks there may be problems with reliability and also the mix of ages may be a problem.

I think it might be good to at least look.

Wondering what others would do when you just don’t agree.

StillWantingaDog on the contrary, we found childminders to be far more flexible than nurseries who wanted set days/half days, or payment for a space on any day you may require regardless of whether you used it.
A childminder is more likely to be able to accommodate unusual work patterns, whereas a nursery only caters to 8-4/9-5 weekday workers.
Neither are really able to accommodate last minute changes, unless they have space, and the staff in the case of a nursery, to do so.

I don't think nurseries are that reliable though. If too many staff are off sick they cancel sessions. This has happened where I work and as a parent.
Strangely when I used a CM she didn't cancel a single session and she let me know at the start of the year when she was on holiday and I just booked the same time off.
Surely most of the day it'll only be young children there and I know some (although pretty rare)that don't do school runs.
But if he doesn't like your idea tell him to sort something out but you will be working from x date on x days at x times and then in a couple of days ask him what he's sorted

I’ve done both… nursery I couldn’t fault them! Now, Childminder does drop off/pick up from local nursery. If I’d have got a space for mine from when I returned to work I’d have hands down chosen childminder. Much more personal imo and though I’m tied to her holidays that hasn’t yet mattered to me (and she’s never taken time off sick).
I’d encourage looking at both! Mine is now 4.5, he has friends ranged from baby to 10yo via childminder (none from private nursery when he left at 3) and truly loves each one of them, I see it for myself when we bump in to any of them at any time and they’re all hugs and chatting, it’s lovely to see the bond they all have 😍
I will say a childminder will be hard to come across for a baby age as they’re only allowed a certain number under a certain age so I’d get looking now just incase you find one x

We went with a childminder for flexibility, if we were running a bit late it wasn't a disaster. She would also do evenings if you asked and early morning for a lady who worked shifts.

Our little one went there from being around 1 so she was happy to help with toilet training, took him on errands with her it was like his second home. I found child minders much more flexible and more individual levels of care.

I think your best bet is to have a look at nurseries and see if you find one that fits what you're looking for. Similarly with childminders. We found a great nursery which only had 4 children to 2 members of staff in the baby room. This meant our child had the best of both worlds. All activities remained age appropriate and the younger ones would sometimes go in to the toddler room for things like story time, music circle time etc. however, the staff ratio would remain the same and staff from baby room weren't used to 'make up the numbers' for the toddler room if that makes sense?

The child minders we had were a god-send. They knew my child really well and really looked after her. I think they had a lovely bond. They were also super flexible, stepping in in an emergency and always quite relaxed.

I looked at nurseries too but felt they were impersonal and wasn't comfortable leaving my baby there.

If you think you’ll need to rely on wrap around childcare at any point then would definitely consider a childminder. I know so many people (and seen on MN too) they’re schools offer wrap around care and when it comes to it, they don’t have the funding/staffing etc and they’re left with nothing.

childminders cook too on request. I’ve only ever had to provide a packed lunch and that’s because they head out during the day.

Like any childcare setting they are vetted too.

Childcare.com will show you local childminders in your area and you can message them etc to work out what schools they cover.

I’ve had our childminder 10 years, and only two years left before my kids will be too old to go. She’s like a family member and offered so much stability over the years.

In my experience I was off so much when both babies joined nursery as they caught everything going

That makes sense.

If DH will be taking the most time off I'd concede and go with a nursery to keep the peace.

But obviously you need to both now need to put in 50% of the effort until you find one you agree both like and feel happy with.

I loved our nursery but still felt wobbly about it. Could it just be that? X

I was asking cos there are many possible reasons. At that point in the thread OP hadn't mentioned that she didn't want to be a sahm either, just that her OH didn't want to her to. So it was more of a wellbeing question

I agree that childminders generally are less reliable than a nursery because of illness and holiday reasons. However, I used one years ago and she worked in a group and if ill and spaces elsewhere, your child was able to swap for a couple of days. They did lots of things as a big group, particularly days out, and made lots of friends that way. The only downside was they price fixed amongst themselves so were a little more expensive than others locally.

Even if that was the case, you can't force someone to take on the financial load by themself if they don't want to.

You can’t force someone to do paid work if they don’t want to either. 🤷‍♀️

You sort of can though by not supporting them financially

If course that isn't how most married couples make decisions

Of course you can because they don't have to be supported financially, it's a choice. Both need to be happy with the choice, if one isn't happy then it will just lead to resentment either way.