To wonder who you agree with re childcare

[Grestin]

dh doesn’t want to consider a childminder, he thinks there may be problems with reliability and also the mix of ages may be a problem.

I think it might be good to at least look.

Wondering what others would do when you just don’t agree.

Nursery.

I preferred nursery. Much safer. It’s a secure workplace with cameras and multiple staff. I don’t know why anyone would send their kids to a childminder in a private property which isn’t as secure and has no cameras, no restrictions on who can walk in and out, and only one member of staff so there’s nobody to report malpractice.

We have a few childminders around here which are set up almost like a mini nursery - have multiple members of staff and around 9 children. I found that was a good compromise for us, is that a possibility for you?

Each child is different. My dc ,an only, went to nursery for a week and got so upset, vomited in car, each day, on the way. Tried a wonderful childminder and all well. Child had been in lock down and at two was not ready for a nursery set up. ,think it was too big and noisy. Child minder eased path to school based nursery at 3 with no problems.Now goes to wrap around with childminder from choice , not need to be with her friends. You know your child. Good luck

I think you could consider all your options if you are unsure. Personally, we did not look at childminders. There were none particularly close and I didn't really like the idea of not having enough hands on deck in an urgent situation. I think a childminder with a poorly toddler or who is trying to supervise several other children is not going to, say, have the time to tend to a sleeping or poorly baby the way I would have wanted. But the nursery we chose had 4-5 staff members available at all times. While 2-3 might be outside with the older ones, there was always more than one set of hands around to provide comfort or rock to sleep or just someone to keep an extra set of eyes on a situation. Even the best CM can't be everywhere at once.

Personally, I also didn't like the idea of a CM driving around with mine in the car (to go to groups or do school runs). We live rurally so to get anywhere means a 20 minute drive. It seemed like an unnecessary amount of time spent in the car and frankly, the added risk of additional driving, etc.

We wanted a nursery with the staff support and facilities that provided. The one we chose had amazing outdoor space and a mud kitchen and did forest school every week and had occasional special visitors for events, etc. which is more than a CM or we ourselves could provide, and that was great. I think it's worth considering all options (a nursery will be more reliable) because you need to choose somewhere that feels right and that may not be obvious until you see it.

Steve Biddulph's book Raising Babies, based on research and including the references, believes that the one-to-one relationship provided by a good childminder far outweighs the opportunities of nurseries. It's well worth reading imo.
Don't worry about older children being cared for... It's a natural part of home life for all second and subsequent children and babies tend to enjoy the extra attention and activity.
In your situation, could you visit any available childminders and nurseries yourself and choose one or two of each sort that you like? Then insist that you both go to visit them to make a joint decision that you're both happy with. It'll be easier when you see for yourselves rather than based on other people's opinions.

We also opted for nursery for my 9 months old son (he's 5 now) based on the fact I didn't trust one single person to look after my son and I disliked the fact most childminders in the area had children of different ages (meaning simply that they needed to provide for different needs, getting toddlers to groups, doing school runs, all of this with my son in tow). And also I needed reliability in case of holidays/sickness, which only a nursery could offer.
We picked a small nursery, with a fantastic baby room. We are still in touch with his key worker, who provided amazing care for him but who also had back up when needed, was supervised and followed a strict routine and reporting process. My son was in the baby room with another 3-4 children, 2 key workers between them and the nursery manager in and out. Lots of 1-2-1 time, great feedback on anything from what he ate/nappies/naps to development, and I knew he was safe within the boundaries of the nursery (baby room or garden).

Difference in ages won't be a problem for me similarly as it wouldn't be a problem in your own home if you had multiple children. So I am not sure what specific concerns he has about this aspect.
IF you don't agree, then the obvious choice would be to look at all available options so that you can make an informed decision.

It sounds to me like the problem is that you've made a decision and now you're not sure and he thinks he gets a veto. I don't think he has the right to veto. But neither do you.

I think that a veto without any real information beyond, "what people at work" say is ridiculous. If you want to consider a childminder, you should both go to look at a couple together. he might well still consider a nursery a better option and you might then have a further debate but he does rather sound like he thinks its a decision he gets to have the final say on which is not okay.

For what’s worth my DD went to nursery and then with a childminder when she started school
the nursery has the advantage that you don’t have to find alternative childcare when one of the staff members are on holiday or sick (so yes it can be more reliable)
the childminder had the advantage of a more homely feel (pros and cons)
the nursery I used encouraged some mix between all kids and the staff was quite consistent- so all the staff working with DD got to know her really well

It really depends on how old your child is. I went back to work when DD was 4 months so she went to a cm 3 days a week who we still have, and who she adores like family. I wouldn't have wanted to put her in nursery at that age, it felt too big, busy and not enough 1-1 time. Lots of children love the smaller environment, some thrive in a busier, nursery environment or become ready for it and need to graduate to one. Only you know your child well enough.

Yes, nurseries have the year-round childcare but the ones my friends use are notorious for sending children home at the first sniffle, whereas my cm is much more laid back and will keep her if she's a bit snotty(unless it's an infectious disease, of course) So I would discount the argument that childminders are unreliable! And if they are ill/on holiday, most will have a list of backups. Mine takes three weeks holiday a year so we just go away then as well. You need to view some and follow your instinct.

We had a childminder and it was wonderful. I felt it was the closest thing to me being at home with her. The mix of ages etc meant it was like she had another family when she wasn't with us. I can't really get my head around your dh's problems with childminders, all subsequent children are looked after around other children of different ages.

There are good and bad childminders, and good and bad nurseries. And some childminders work really well for some parents, but wouldn't work so well for others, and same again for nurseries. It depends what your circumstances are, their circumstances are, and what your priorities are.

For some people they really care about their kids getting out on trips regularly, or the setting having lots of wooden Montessori style toys, or offering a good range of vegetarian food, or the fact that baby ballet classes and baby French are offered during the nursery day. Or the main priority is a homely setting with someone who's like an extra grandma, or the convenience of a childminder who lives two minutes walk down the road compared to a 20 minute drive to the nursery. Some nurseries may be the cliche teenagers on minimum wage with lots of staff turnover, others will be a small family-run setting that older staff have worked at for 20 years. Maybe you're not keen that the childminder you're looking at does a school run each day so a baby is in tow on those trips, or maybe you think that's nice and they're out on a walk every day and can gradually get used to the idea of school as they're older. Maybe reliable coverage is key: that there is a very small chance of the nursery setting being closed, versus a childminder who may be more likely to be ill and unable to work. Or equally a childminder may be happy to take a child who's a bit under the weather but okay on calpol, versus a setting with a policy that if a child has a temperature that's it sent home with no notice and they're not allowed back for 48 hours.

Basically don't rule anything completely in or out until you've taken a good look at all the options and have spoken to lots of people to compare and contrast different options!

Two cents from me - my sister started my niece at an oustanding nursery, she was getting on well there but was sent home "with a temperature" pretty much every week for a month though she always seemed fine when they got her home. They ended up finding a childminder locally who they absolutely love.

I wouldn't use a childminder. No accountability - who knows wtf they are doing with your child all day with no other adults around.

So my daughter went to a childminder up to 3.5, then moved to nursery. Her childminder was fantastic for her when she was young, they developed a really close bond and she thrived. It was evident though when she turned 3 that she had outgrown the setting- she needed more social stimulation with other kids and more challenges which a nursery could provide.

I would echo other commentators though and say if you can't easily take time off should your childminder fall ill, take holidays etc, then you should go for the security of nursery. We had odd weeks off with our childminder throughout the year which was easy enough to manage, but we have also had a period of an unexpected two weeks when she closed for health concerns, and we were left trying to work around our daughter from home (which we are lucky enough to be able to do so).

I always liked the 'home from home' aspect with a childminder while my DD was young but I think it only works up until 2.5-3ish and then a nursery setting is better.

I dont think there will be an issue with reliability and lots of people love them because there is a personal touch and the children are often treated like family. I was always out off through my paranoia that there wouldnt be anyone there policing them like in a nursery.

We’d write down the possible solutions but none of the non-negotiable eg having a childminder would be a non-negotiable for me personally but I can understand the advantages. Then we’d list the pros in one column and the disadvantages in the other during a discussion and go from there. Thank goodness we were totally aligned on this one as it’s an important decision.

We went for a nursery. We did look at a couple of childminders but:

All had their own children at home as well - understandable that's a big perk of the job but I didn't love the idea

All had the TV on all day/most of the day - never even saw a TV in any nursery we looked round

All took holidays in school holidays - totally reasonable from their pov but we didn't want to have to use up annual leave during school holidays when ours were preschool age

None would do food for my DS who has food allergies - all of the nurseries were happy to, we didn't really want to do packed lunches every day

Appreciate this varies from area to area but that was our experience

Best to visit a few options of both. Availability may dictate your choice. I wanted a childminder but ended up with nursery 1-3, then school nursery 3-4 and preschool nursery with childminder pickup 4-5. Childminder was amazing, like another grandparent. LO still goes afterschool and holidays.

When my son was small I thought a nursery was better because you weren't just relying on one person.

Once my son went to school, I used a childminder a couple of days a week for after-school care, which worked well. And he went to her in the summer holidays before he started school as well and his conversation and verbal communication improved massively during that period - having a mix of ages is a good thing I think.

This was what worked for us, but it will depend on the child, the nursery, the childminder and what you need workwise.

If you're on the fence then it makes sense to go with the nursery.

Thanks for replies. This is a hard decision, it isn’t necessarily about childminder vs nursery, I just don’t feel confident in my decision at this time!

You can ask him to meet with some childminders. However, I share his concerns and would only use one as a last resort.

It’s probably fair enough - just weighing on what’s best but there are practical considerations I can’t ignore.

When we used a childminder who had her own children our DC loved playing with hers and really thrived with the consistency.

However your DH is correct. Whenever one of her DC was ill she cancelled childcare for that day/week, so it was quite a disrupted form of childcare for us.

Do remember, however, that if your DC haven't mixed a lot with other children as yet then there is a strong chance that they are more likely to catch lots of bugs at nursery so will have a fair amount of time off anyway in the first 6-12 months.