To wonder who you agree with re childcare

[Grestin]

dh doesn’t want to consider a childminder, he thinks there may be problems with reliability and also the mix of ages may be a problem.

I think it might be good to at least look.

Wondering what others would do when you just don’t agree.

I’m not against nurseries, but it’s for a baby so wondered if she might prefer a more one to one setup. Don’t mind really.

Best plan is to both go and visit the options that have spaces.

Is there a reason why OH doesn't want you to stay at home with the baby?

I think you need to look at both. My Mum was a childminder and she and my Dad have attended the weddings of several of the kids we grew up with. The family became good friends and we even holiday-ed with them. Now their kids kids are friends with mine. It's been lovely (obviously Mum had other kids who we did lose contact with). I know several former teachers who are now childminders and if they lived locally, I'd 100% have them look after our kids in an EYFS setting.

That said, when we put our two in EYFS we ended up going for a nursery. Cost was higher but the setting was better than local childminders, and reliability and hours were better for our jobs.

You have to at least look at both rather than discount immediately I think.

@SecondUsername4me but there’s no point visiting if he won’t even consider it. He just keeps saying people at work who use childminders are always off due to problems with childminders. Not in a horrible abusive way. He just doesn’t think it’s a good idea.

@Caerulea this is for when I go back to work and it is part time so all good.

Sorry he doesn’t want me to be a sahm

Do you want to be one?

This ^^ when DS needed to go to childcare there was no childminders taking on new children so we could only choose a nursery and of those nurseries only 2 had spaces for the days we needed.

This was similar for all those I know at the time getting childcare and I doubt it's changed much here in the last 3 years if anything I'd suspect it's got worse and there's even less choice.

Childminder is way more likely to take your dc when they have coughs and minor colds. Nursery won't let them through the door.

It depends what you need, we didn't even consider a childminder for the same reason as your husband. The mixed aged groups means a lot of time spent in a chair or car for a baby, on school runs etc.

I also felt more comfortable with the idea of leaving my 6-months old with several carers rather than 1, they get more support and can have a break of things get tough with a baby.
And finally we wouldn't have saved any money with a childminder since we needed full time 7:30-5:30.

In 2 years, my friends who chose childminders all had to change 2-3 times because of issues with how their child were treated, or because the childminder let them down for another family.

I should have explained in my OP. I don’t massively want to be a sahm. I’m currently on maternity leave. We’re looking at some options for when I go back to work. At the moment she has a nursery place but I’m hesitating and DH is reluctant to consider a childminder.

If she has a nursery place confirmed then why are you still trying to insist on alternative childcare? I'd be thankful she had already secured a space and consider the job ticked off.

I’m not trying to insist on anything, I’m just considering what is best for her.

I have a childminder and she is phenomenal. She really cares about all of the children & makes sure they are happy. My DD loves going there & although she is older, the babies are so settled and content & they love my DD & follow her around. I knew instantly when I met her that she would be a good match. I also visited other childminders who we didn't gel with so it depends on the individual I think! I obviously prefer a childminder but my main reasons are:

1. it's a homely environment
2. the mix of ages is lovely
3. they can be out in the garden/at the park/soft play/museums whenever they want, sleep when they need, eat when they want. It's not as rigid.
4. it's more personal, my childminder would send me photo/videos of DD during the day when she was young.
5. they really know your child & 'celebrate' the wins with you. I know sickness is a worry for you but I've never found this to be a problem.
6. you build that trust with one person/maybe 2 if they have an assistant.

Your husband should arrange to meet a few CM's and visit a few nurseries then make a decision.

We use a childminder. I think both childminders and nurseries have different advantages. Trust is a key element with a childminder - you need to find one you like and who you feel comfortable with.

I much prefer childminders for babies and younger toddlers as they can give your child a really good amount of individualised attention in a way I’m
not confident all nurseries can (just because of numbers). Their numbers are capped as well - I think it’s up to three under-5s and up to six children in total, including the childminder’s own. Avoid childminders who cover multiple schools for the school run if they take after school children - I didn’t want mine spending huge chunks in the car.

I do think preschoolers can really benefit from bigger group experience. Also, with a childminder there’s a single point of failure - we have to cover her holidays. Ours is never ill and has only closed due to illness when she had Covid. She also has a backup arrangement with another childminder in case of emergency.

My experience is nurseries are quicker to send home children who are off-colour rather than ill. They may have longer opening hours but are less flexible - I worried about what would happen in the case of public transport failure with a nursery, as we don’t have family who could pick up in an emergency.

I should have explained in my OP. I don’t massively want to be a sahm.

I would prefer something more one on one than a nursery, though haven't done it myself eitherway. How soon do you have to decide? You might feel differently once baby is here.

Presumably you both thought the nursery was best for her when you visited it and made arrangements to send her there though? So what's changed since then?

Are there actually any childminders in your area with room to take your daughter on the days you need and at the start date you need, if not then it's all bit of a moot point anyway?

She’s here, she’s sitting nex to me now I don’t know, probably will go with nursery. I just don’t feel 100% about it but then I probably wouldn’t about anything.

You might not be meaning this @YourNameGoesHere but you’re coming over as very confrontational.

That's absolutely not true.
Our nursery follow the NHS guidelines for contagious diseases, and will rarely refuse kids as long as they are well enough to be with the group. They will also give Calpol in case of mild fever. Other are stricter but they will show their sickness policy at registration.

Childminders make up their own rules and in my circles will not take any sick child ever.

I've used both.

DD went to a childminder from 12 months to 2.5 years.

Childminder was good and more like a nursery set up. The age mix wasn't a bad thing. Helped her speech and development if anything. The pluses are you know who's dealing with your child. You get to know them as people and they do you. Your child forms a good relationship also. They are often more flexible. Ours had a policy of charging extra if you were late but never enforced it if it was an ocasional stuck in traffic incident. They'll also take children who are a little unwell more flexibly. They are also generally cheaper. Downsides are yes they are more unreliable. If you have limited leave and an employer who is unsympathetic to childcare issues and no family backup, personally i would avoid. Ours wasn't bad but she took about 6-7 weeks leave a year, plus some off days. These were often in school holidays too so a bit of a pain for annual leave. There was the times she or her children were sick so short notice days off. Also resources wise i'd say they were a little more restricted with what they had and time for each child was sometimes more limited. Although they did get more outings and seeing the real world at local parks and play groups.

DD transferred to a nursery at 2.5. It's an excellent nursery. They have above the required staff for ratios so more 1:1 time for learning and care. Resources are good and varied. Preschool had a qualified early years teacher. There's more structure ready for school. It has longer hours and is only closed 1 week a year. So my leave is now used for actual leave when i want it. Downsides its hard to keep track of who DD has caring for her. Although she has a key worker therss a lot of staff. I find the limited age she interacts with negative to an extent as keeps her a bit sheltered from the world. The cost is astronomical (over 70 percent of my wages). Theyre also a bit more strict on sickness. Sent DD home with a temp of 38.3c and absolutely fine in herself. Also note our nursery is excellent. They pay a real living wage and invest in staff. Staff turnover is very very low. But we do pay for that. This is not the case for alot of nurseries. Some are basically dumping grounds for children with staff who don't care less and management who are awful, though some childminders are also terrible. Do not trust ofsted. We saw and outstanding nursery and it was far from it. Disinterested staff. Terrible organisation and children went outside once a week!

The only way is to go and see. If you have an excellent childminder near you and a rubbish nursery its a no brainer. DH needs to be open to both options and explore them and you both need to think about what you're looking for be it somewhere nuturing, outside play, social interaction. Or just reliable childcare that is always open. Only you know what you want.

I'm not meaning to be confrontation but honestly so many people think they have choice and in reality there isn't much choice in early years childcare. If you have a nursery place for the days you need you're actually doing very very well.

It's so important to realise that sometimes there isn't a choice which is why I was asking if there were actually childminders with spaces because if there isn't then surely even if you want to use a childminder you can't.

Have you seen the baby room at your nursery, and how old will your baby be?

We deliberated the same and went for nursery in the end. His key worker is amazing, and they do so many activities, music circles, singing, dancing, sensory play, outdoor play etc as it's all aimed at the same age. He's developed so much being there, and loves going in. The baby room is small and cozy. He's now in the toddler rooms which are busier and noisier, with lots going on.

They do send him home with illness, but to be fair, when they've sent him home he has been poorly.

We're actually due another baby in a month or two, but have been doing the most we can financially to keep him in nursery as much as possible while we're on leave. Just because he loves it so much and we don't want him to miss out and be bored at home.

believe me I know that’s why we got the nursery place sorted months ago. But I do think I’m allowed to ponder things online, anonymously and if there’s no space anywhere then that’s largely pointless. But I don’t want to not do what’s best for children because I didn’t even look iyswim (typing one handed so hope that makes sense!)

Then you both need to decide childminder/nursery wherever has space!

Nursery all the way.

childminders call in sick. Which is fine but I already had to factor in my own kids’ sickness absence in taking time off work and I didn’t really have the capacity to factor in somebody else’s.