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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AirBnB Guest terminal illness

406 replies

Zazz101 · 23/11/2023 01:06

Hi, I am looking for suggestions. I rent out my house on airBnB and I have just found out that my next guest has a terminal illness.

They have organised a family get together. I would love to do something to make this an extra special time for them all. I know I could just knock money off the house, but they are wanting to make memories, and I would like to do something to ensure it’s a lovely holiday for them.

My only contact is the person that is ill, so I cannot ask them for any ideas.

so please, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 23/11/2023 08:10

Oh and there’s nothing lovelier to arriving to a Christmas wreath on the door. I know because our bnb last new year had that so it isn’t OTT.

inamarina · 23/11/2023 08:10

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/11/2023 02:16

I think you've got it @Zazz101
Decorate, food hamper (wine, sparkling, non-alcoholic fizz, fruit, gourmet choccies &bikkies, maybe a meat/cheese platter with baguettes, a dessert/sugar cookies). Now, I'm thinking aloud! ☺️
I love your style and you've captured the Christmas spirit perfectly.
Thanks for the warm fuzzies. 🩷

That hamper sounds perfect!
And how thoughtful of you, OP ❤️

strawberriesarenot · 23/11/2023 08:11

I'd put in lovely fresh flowers, wine, nice biscuits and treats and maybe a little Christmas tree.
I wouldn't go full on with the decorations- see the American Christmas suggestion. To many people, that's just too much disposable tat and also quite intrusive.

WakingCliche · 23/11/2023 08:13

Some people, like a fuss and some don’t.

I stayed in a cottage and they left a full cream tea which was a nice surprise, just unexpected. Leave a small hamper the sort where it’s a nice surprise but not totally over the top and some flowers in the main sitting room. When faced with tragedy some people don’t want a fuss as it’s a reminder that life is so far from normal.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/11/2023 08:14

MaisyAndTallulah · 23/11/2023 08:08

The fact they've shared with you about the terminal illness is every indication that they're open to it being acknowledged.

Any normal family will appreciate any kind gesture.

That's simply not always true, at all. My family is normal, whatever that means, and there are many supposedly "kind gestures" we would not appreciate at all. Also, who gets to decide what constitutes a kind gesture? If my Airbnb host thought I would love to have them cook me a meal, they would be sorely mistaken.

Peablockfeathers · 23/11/2023 08:18

Honestly just give them the rental at a reduced rate so they can get stuff they actually want.

Womencanlift · 23/11/2023 08:19

MaisyAndTallulah · 23/11/2023 08:07

So rude

Show quote history

How is this in any way rude? It’s true that people have different ideas of Christmas and it’s especially true when people are faced with terminal illness

Glassofwino · 23/11/2023 08:20

Probably a bit silly, but you could get a few disposable cameras and leave them with some goodies/ even some silly props/hats? This would be such a valuable memory when getting them published and if they turn out rubbish it was still fun to do

Pugdays · 23/11/2023 08:23

We have had food gifts left in various places we have stayed..but never been able to eat them as we are all vegans ..sometimes things have gone to waste because we couldn't eat them..

saraclara · 23/11/2023 08:24

Glassofwino · 23/11/2023 08:20

Probably a bit silly, but you could get a few disposable cameras and leave them with some goodies/ even some silly props/hats? This would be such a valuable memory when getting them published and if they turn out rubbish it was still fun to do

Again, silly props and hats would have been the last things that we'd have wanted when we had our last family get together before my husband died.

We are all different, and the OP does not know these people. Doing anything over the top or "silly" is a big risk.

These people need to be left above. They know what they want from this occasion, and they're perfectly capable of creating it without help from a stranger.

Lovemycat2023 · 23/11/2023 08:25

Nice Christmas decorations, and lovely flowers would be perfect. A hamper would be very kind too.

softfig · 23/11/2023 08:27

I'm currently in this situation with my mum. If we make it to Christmas, it will be our last one. I also wouldn't want you there cooking for us and it would be far to intrusive, plus they might not be able to tolerate all of any food. They will likely have friends, acquaintances, multiple health practitioners 'imposing' themselves on them daily and I think this is an escape for them so they really need their time together alone. Tasteful, simple Christmas decorations and a small hamper sounds perfect. And please not flowers. Everyone turns up with flowers that then have to be taken care of, find a vase for, dispose of when they've shrivelled up. Every surface is covered in cheap supermarket flowers and the smell is headache inducing.

I'd also suggest, as the person is your contact, they will inform you of any special requests or mobility needs they have so I wouldn't fuss too much.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/11/2023 08:27

Probably a bit silly, but you could get a few disposable cameras and leave them with some goodies/ even some silly props/hats? This would be such a valuable memory when getting them published and if they turn out rubbish it was still fun to do

I'm sorry, but this is just a horrible, thoughtless idea. This isn't a child's party. The people involved are perfectly capable of creating their own memories in the way they deem appropriate.

twilightcafe · 23/11/2023 08:28

MaisyAndTallulah · 23/11/2023 08:07

So rude

Show quote history

I'm being honest.
Can you explain why you think this is 'so rude'?

NeedToChangeName · 23/11/2023 08:30

OP, I suggest you look at the posts from people who gave been in thus situation as there are some common themes (and tgey are quite different from the posters saying "why don't you do X")

Grimbelina · 23/11/2023 08:30

I became very ill a couple of years ago and booked a cottage we had stayed at before for a big birthday. The owner had asked when I booked how I was and I told her I was really unwell. When I turned up she had decorated, put a hamper of goodies out, a cake, some champagne etc. I cried as it was the kindest thing anyone had done for me for a long time (you do find out who your friends are when you have a crisis!). It was so generous and thoughtful. So glad you are thinking of doing the same.

Original poster
Zazz101 · 23/11/2023 08:30

Thank you so much for the replies. The feedback regarding a meal was particularly helpful as I did not consider the lack of appetite and certainly would not want to make them feel uncomfortable in anyway.

i absolutely do not believe in the do nothing for fear of offending route. Having been in a similar experience myself and bumping into friends who didn’t contact me, with the excuse of I didn’t know what to say / do, so did nothing was hurtful.

I think a lovely hamper and a good instant camera and a beautifully decorated house is what I will do, as it’s not intrusive. Thank you again.

OP posts:
WB205020 · 23/11/2023 08:32

@Zazz101
Lovely idea. You are clearly a very thoughtful kind person.

In would perhaps leave a couple of bottles of wine or maybe Buck’s Fizz, some chocolates / biscuits and flowers in there for them. Something obvious that you had done for them under the circumstances without directly saying you have done it because of their situation, if that makes sense.

Flyinggeesei234 · 23/11/2023 08:33

ILJ28 · 23/11/2023 03:00

Could you contact the person who made the booking (the person who is terminally ill) and say that you need a secondary/emergency contact in case there is a problem with their phone… and then maybe reach out to that person with your thoughts? It’s a lovely idea and super kind of you

Crikey. No. Overstepping by quite some way.

countbackfromten · 23/11/2023 08:34

@Zazz101 what a wonderfully kind thing for you to do!

Flyinggeesei234 · 23/11/2023 08:36

Glassofwino · 23/11/2023 08:20

Probably a bit silly, but you could get a few disposable cameras and leave them with some goodies/ even some silly props/hats? This would be such a valuable memory when getting them published and if they turn out rubbish it was still fun to do

OMG. Just no.

OP sounds like you have this sorted.

Autumnleaves89 · 23/11/2023 08:36

A beautifully decorated house is such a gorgeous idea. This would be the icing on the cake of a lovely trip away. A hamper of goodies is also lovely. Op you sound so kind and thoughtful ❤️

Calliopespa · 23/11/2023 08:36

Oh one other quick one which ought to go without saying but in our experience doesn’t, make sure it is comfortable heating-wise. We had one B and B with a log burner for warmth and a small basket of about 6 small token logs and a risible amount of kindling. Kept us warm for about an hour and a half then we were chopping in their woodshed for the rest of the stay, which was actually not the end of the world fof us but would be in this instance. Another time they had a nest system which they operated from London. It was bloody freezing ( frost outside) and we had to keep phoning to get them to inch the heat up. Talk about blood from a stone.

saraclara · 23/11/2023 08:36

i absolutely do not believe in the do nothing for fear of offending route. Having been in a similar experience myself and bumping into friends who didn’t contact me, with the excuse of I didn’t know what to say / do, so did nothing was hurtful.

With respect, OP, the situations are very different. Those were your friends. These are strangers who have their own feelings ,and tastes that you don't know about, and who will have zero expectations of you other than a hope of a comfortable and welcoming venue.

But if you're going to do something, I think your plans are about right. And then leave them to it.

AnnaSewell · 23/11/2023 08:37

I just would not do it. It is not about you. It is about the family wanting to be together doing whatever they do, focusing on one another

If you have contact with your guests - other than leaving keys - I would simply express hope that they enjoyed/will enjoy their stay and give people your best wishes.