AirBnB Guest terminal illness

[Zazz101]

Hi, I am looking for suggestions. I rent out my house on airBnB and I have just found out that my next guest has a terminal illness.

They have organised a family get together. I would love to do something to make this an extra special time for them all. I know I could just knock money off the house, but they are wanting to make memories, and I would like to do something to ensure it’s a lovely holiday for them.

My only contact is the person that is ill, so I cannot ask them for any ideas.

so please, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

OP started out with more excessive ideas, but all credit to her, has listened to advice and is now going the decorations and hamper route.

Exactly

I think most people fall in the middle. The commenters who won’t let it go – who keep talking about “those of us who have been through it” while conveniently ignoring the fact that many others who have been through it have posted as well – are focusing on the few OTT idea posts.

Equally, there were also a few strange posts raging against very typical Airbnb amenities like board games, and even hampers and decorations. (Actually to me, even things like fun photobooths and activities on the land are part of many Airbnb stays – it just would have to be offered with no fuss like part of the package or amenities.)

If you’re just going to zoom in on a few posts to focus on, you could look at either of those extremes. Again, I think in general most people fall in the middle.

Unfortunately the guest is going to escape it all quite soon, seeing as they are terminal.

@Zazz101

I find reading some of these comments truly sad. In what world do we live in, if I choose to do something kind as it been seen as doing it for my gain, how in a million years. Should no one do anything for anyone?

Exactly this. I tend to find by experience that a lot of people who say stuff like this do so because it's what they're thinking or would do themselves.

In a general forum, unfortunately all sorts of creatures crawl out of the woodwork. Take from this what you were looking for and scroll past the non human(e) species' comments.

I think some posters are unaware of how fragile you are when dealing with a loved ones imminent death. This doesn’t make people cold hearted when they say don’t make a big Christmassy fuss.. When my mum was dying I couldn’t even face speaking to the neighbours. I would not have wanted anything other than comfort and possibly a hamper. I think Christmas decorations should be minimal or normal at the most. . It’s an incredibly painful time an heay but being Christmas makes it worse. I found last Christmas tremendously traumatic watching endless Christmas fuss and fake cheer while my mum was in ICU. It makes you feel so alone. It’s grating.

Lol

I think it is dodgy to tell someone who you're dealing with commercially that you have a terminal illness.

I can see no good reason for doing so.

It would, of course be perfectly legit to say something like 'I have a disability/some health problems/am recovering from surgery' if, for example, you were asking for some flexibility re check out or wanted to make sure about some detail relating to stairs/bathrooms etc.

Scams, very sadly, are widespread.

If I wanted to do some good at this time of year, there are plenty of charities/foodbanks etc which will be extremely grateful for donations, and where you can be more confident that your generosity will not be abused.

my mum died on Christmas Eve, we had to cut a holiday just like this short to rush her back. but up to that point we’d had a lovely get together, the cottage was decorated for Christmas and had a lovely hamper with some thoughtful touches, I think op wanting to know if she can do anything else is really nice of her.. we LOVE a freebie so we’d have liked nearly all of the suggestions on here!

i think everyone’s different, we wanted Christmas like it normally would, I would imagine most people planning a family holiday around Christmas time to spend time with a loved one with a terminal illness would want it to be as normal (to them) as possible, I can’t really agree with the people on here saying a hamper and decorations is too much fuss and too much like pity, it’s VERY common for accommodations to leave things for your enjoyment, and have decs up at Xmas, it’s not because one of you is dying, even if op was doing something extra for that reason she wouldn’t tell them it’s for that reason, so to them it’s just part of the welcome pack.

what I really don’t like is people making perfectly reasonable suggestions like a heated blanket, to then immediately be called patronising, and THEN be called a bully .. the people that habitually want to shit all over other peoples ideas and intentions should probably bow out from commenting, because, unlike a lot of posters on here who have good advice or who have lived through a situation like this and have offered constructive feedback on peoples ideas, all of which gives OP a well rounded view of what would be appropriate, some posters just seem to enjoy belittling people for their own gratification.

@sandyhappypeople you might like a freebie (not the first thing terminally ill people are usually interested in) but you sure don’t like punctuation eh?

I guess this post sums up the issue - some would like it and some wouldn't.

If you don't know which group the subject of your well-meaning/over-bearing (delete as you wish) gesture falls into, you have a judgement to make.

A) If they like a fuss and you do something, they are happy.
B) If they like a fuss and you do nothing, they probably won't notice.
C) If they don't like a fuss and you do nothing extra, they are fine.
D) If they don't like a fuss and you do something, you piss them off.

D is the riskiest option. Which is why many people just keep things low-key.

well no, my terminal ill mum would have liked a bit more time, as would we with her, but in absence of that, having some nice freebies cheered us up for a moment on that last holiday, she always liked value for money bless her!

I LOVE punctuation! Did I miss some out? Here you go: ,,,,,,,,,.........!!!!!!!! Stick them where you like.

I know what you mean. When my family member was in ICU, all the cheery songs and decorations (and the open cafe below where family members were chatting merrily) were awful and made things even more painful. They passed away in the ICU too.

But just a few weeks before, I'm so glad we managed to create memories in a lovely ambience, in a place that was "our own". That's more like the airbnb, and also sounds like the goal of the trip this terminally ill person is booking. It's for their family, they won't have to watch anyone else being jolly and celebrating.

Most people tend to appreciate comfort, warmth and a lovely ambience on holiday. Honestly, I doubt the terminally ill person booked the airbnb is for it to function as some kind of hospice, or some kind of sparse grim prison or hospital experience.

It didn't matter that my family member was lying down etc half the time – we (including them) all still enjoyed and treasured our time together.

Of course, having said that, everyone will have different views and experiences. I just want to point out that maybe a hospital ICU and airbnb aren't the same thing.

@sandyhappypeople you might like a freebie (not the first thing terminally ill people are usually interested in) but you sure don’t like punctuation eh?

The expert strikes again.

Special subjects negativity, being hilarious and now punctuation.

I'm especially tickled by " what terminally people are usually interested in " like they are all one homogeneous group, who think the same and not different people.

Maybe too late but you could also set up balloons, afternoon tea for their arrival

Are you fucking kidding

When I was caring for my dying mother I had so much on my mind regarding the every day practicalities and making sure she was comfortable that I can’t imagine being at all bothered with photo booths and the like. We enjoyed very simple pleasures, and having each other’s loving company was the most incredible thing. But we are all so different.

I also find it quite strange that someone would call an airBnB and declare a terminal illness. But again - we are all very different.

I really hope they are.

It's never too late to NOT do this!

We did when my mum was terminal, only because we knew the risks of her going on holiday at such a late stage in her diagnosis, she was the driving force behind it and insisted on it, there was an awful lot behind the scenes medical things to sort out to make it run as smooth as possible and we thought it prudent, among many other things, to pre-warn the cottage owners that there may be a chance we wouldn’t turn up at all, or if we did we may have to leave suddenly or have medical assistance attend, that way we knew we could contact them out of hours if we needed to and they wouldn’t be taken by surprise.

I also find it quite strange that someone would call an airBnB and declare a terminal illness. But again - we are all very different.

There was nothing strange either with us. No broadcasting the fact particularly.

Similar to @sandyhappypeople I chose to let the Air Bn'B know someone was very ill ( can't remember if I used the word terminal but pretty sure it was understood ) because a dear friend from their past was going to be visiting as they were in the same area on holiday with their kids and dog. We needed to get dispensation for the dog as usually no dogs were allowed.

The owner was totally understanding and didn't make a big deal. But like @Zazz101 was, I think, a bit more generous in the welcome hamper and house comforts than we would have normally received. Or if one was provided at all. And it was lovely.

And yes we too, enjoyed the simple pleasure of each others company.

It isn't about it being in vogue.

You're on holiday with a close terminally ill relative. They may not want many photos if they'll looking poorly or you might be taking one every 3 seconds. Virtually everyone has a camera phone and certainly one between you.
For someone external to be essentially "you might not have thought of this, but here's some cameras to record some memories" is patronising.

I would def just got for a step up on normal.
So decorate for Xmas but a step up from some fairy lights and a wonky tree and make sure it's in good working order before they get but also won't cause a hazard to kids and animals of they've got them. Leave them something like cakes or biscuits, a bottle of wine, a bottle of something non alcoholic, bit a bit nicer than normal. If you can work it, tell them there's no one in the next day so they're welcome to a late check out for no extra (a god send for most people), and tell the guest that you're happy to be of assistance of there's anything you can do.

Anything else I think risks making it a out you and your sympathy rather than them.

Cut the camera op. They'll have phones on them. Why would you bother risking good photos on a disposable when you can make sure you've got it on your camera phone?

For someone external to be essentially "you might not have thought of this, but here's some cameras to record some memories" is patronising.

I wouldn't have felt patronised tbh.

I would have just been " oh wow they provide polaroid cameras. " And taken some pics.

I really didn't over think stuff. I didn't have the headspace.

Yeah same. We just were like "oh how fun" and took some fun Christmassy pics I really treasured after their passing not long later. Anyway I feel this thread is just going in loops rehashing the same things due to people not RTFT.

I guess it's personal preference for everyone, but I also don't think it's necessary to assume just because someone is dying that they only want to go on holiday with their family in a grim empty miserable airbnb. Of course don't get the brass band out, but even the dying are allowed festive cheer you know!