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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AirBnB Guest terminal illness

406 replies

Zazz101 · 23/11/2023 01:06

Hi, I am looking for suggestions. I rent out my house on airBnB and I have just found out that my next guest has a terminal illness.

They have organised a family get together. I would love to do something to make this an extra special time for them all. I know I could just knock money off the house, but they are wanting to make memories, and I would like to do something to ensure it’s a lovely holiday for them.

My only contact is the person that is ill, so I cannot ask them for any ideas.

so please, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 23/11/2023 07:41

Decorating for Christmas and a hamper of goodies is perfect. Special but not intrusive.

Jill23 · 23/11/2023 07:42

I’d advise caution as well, I think - they’re not people you know. I think a more lavish “welcome gift” - eg some beautiful flowers ot a fruit basket - would be nice, but I’d be careful of going further.

Pompoms88 · 23/11/2023 07:43

OP this is lovely. My mum is terminally ill a hamper and a Polaroid camera with film, if you have one, would have ticked my boxes. Trips this year with her have been all about making memories.

Gnomegnomegnome · 23/11/2023 07:46

@Zazz101 you are lovely.

Isthisreasonable · 23/11/2023 07:47

Why did they reveal that they were terminally ill OP? Did they need to check on whether there was room for equipment? Or flag up that they might not be well enough to use the Airbnb and have to cancel at short notice?

I would be wary if it wasn't mentioned in those kind of terms. It's very natural response on your part to want to help make it special but you don't know what would be appropriate or how intrusive it might feel. Worse case scenario the person making the booking might not be telling you the truth or as others have pointed out you may become a target for scammers.

Womencanlift · 23/11/2023 07:48

While I think it’s lovely that you are being considerate it could also be a possibility that they have booked your place as they want to “escape” Christmas as it’s too much to bear

so maybe subtle decorations but not over the top, a small basket of local delicacies and a set of recommendations would be enough to show effort but also give them the space to have what will be a very emotional time

Definitely don’t go over and cook them a meal, that is very much over stepping imo and I know our family would find that very intrusive

twilightcafe · 23/11/2023 07:52

No. Don't impose. Your idea of a lovely Christmas setting might not be theirs.

LiliansViewScarborough · 23/11/2023 07:52

Another vote for a goodie hamper and/or a voucher for coffee and cake at a local cafe. Some extra special toiletries, Christmassy games, books and napkins would perhaps also be appreciated. How lovely they have chosen such a thoughtful host for this break. Hope it goes well.

panca · 23/11/2023 07:53

Zazz101 · 23/11/2023 01:29

Thank you so much for the replies. I am very conscious of not imposing, so I’m a bit reluctant to organise anything. It’s in the run up to Christmas, so I will definitely decorate the house. I like the idea of a super nice goodie hamper.

I wonder if I could offer to cook a meal one night, so they can all just relax ?
Maybe an early Christmas dinner. Just thinking out loud really.

No. Don't cook for them!

YesIDoJudge · 23/11/2023 07:54

Maybe leave them a little booklet of homemade 'vouchers' and they can choose what you do for them?

e.g. christmas meal, attraction ticket, w/e else, you dont know what they have planned, they might have a restuarant booked for each night of their stay.

You could offer them a lunctime picnic with thier partner if they have one, a nice woodland walk and picnic so they have a nice romantic memory?

Ophy83 · 23/11/2023 07:54

I would just make sure the house is ready so that they don't have to pop out to the shops too much e.g. plenty of loo roll in each toilet, decent shower gel/shampoo/conditioner etc. A good selection of board games and books. A welcome drink and something tasty to eat e.g. cake or biscuits. That with a house that is ready for Christmas would feel wonderfully welcoming.

ocarinaflow · 23/11/2023 07:55

Maireas · 23/11/2023 07:37

You don't need them provided by your Air B&B host, though.

Show quote history

I think it depends, lots of people in this age group love places with photobooths, Polaroids, etc! The W hotel and a few other hotels in Soho have one. But yes definitely be aware of guest demographic – I now see based on this thread that gesture could be misinterpreted based on the demographic.

Alondra · 23/11/2023 07:56

FaiIureToLunch · 23/11/2023 06:40

You’re very nice OP but I’d find that anything more than a hamper would be incredibly interfering. They will likely be NOT feeling the Christmas cheer - Christmas is painful and really grating when you’re completely broken-hearted which these poor folk will be. They prob just want to get away from all that nonsense. A hamper, some nice flowers maybe and l ave them to it.

I agree. You are being extraordinarily kind but you know nothing about your guests' food preferences or the dietary constraints the ill person may have.

If you are decorating the house for Christmas, a basic hamper and a few flowers to add a touch of brightness, it's more than enough. Anything else is interfering.

Clafoutie · 23/11/2023 07:57

Baffledandalarmed · 23/11/2023 05:45

Agreed on it being free but don’t leave money on the table. Do it quietly and don’t say anything. Otherwise it looks like you want to be acknowledged as a good person and this isn’t about you. This is about them, not you.

Free stay (where you just quietly do it with no card) or nothing IMO. Anything else runs the risk of you ‘wanting to be seen to do something’ and a hamper is quite lazy, IMO.

I don’t think a hamper could really be considered ‘quite lazy’ really. That would surely only be the case if the OP thought of doing something kind for them, and then thought ‘no, can’t be bothered’ ?!

NeedToChangeName · 23/11/2023 07:57

I would be just a bit more generous than normal, but not over the top. They may want quiet relaxing time, not big Christmas gestures

Bandolina · 23/11/2023 07:57

My family did this for my mum's last birthday as we knew she would not have another. The memories and pictures are absolutely priceless to us.

I like the hamper idea.
We would not have wanted any intrusion during that time even if well intentioned.

I think the most important thing would be to try to make sure nothing goes wrong as far as you can ie check all is in working order and instructions easily to hand for appliances etc, thorough deep clean. It would just take the shine off the occasion if you have to solve any issues with the property in that time.

Ask generally any of the guests need any aids/ adaptations. We had booked a place with a downstairs bedroom as mum could not get upstairs
You could offer to arrange extras like a private chef for one meal or a photo shoot but I would expect to pay for those.
Make sure local medical contacts are in your guest book and up to date.

coathangerwire · 23/11/2023 07:58

I honestly think the best thing you can do is knock as much off the price as you can. Being sick can be a very expensive experience and a simple, non intrusive gesture like that could make a world of difference. It will also free up extra money and they can decide what to do with that themselves.

Everyone handles these things differently and without knowing them, it's hard to do something they will really like.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/11/2023 08:00

rwalker · 23/11/2023 05:13

Honestly I think giving it for free would be an amazing gift
Say nothing leave some flowers with a card with the money in saying have the trip one me

Edited

But this is a business at the same time. A nice gesture such as flowers is one thing, but giving a free visit is completely different as she will have to pay for a cleaner etc at the end so will be out of pocket.

ButtonSister · 23/11/2023 08:01

Aquamarine1029 · 23/11/2023 06:23

I appreciate that your heart is in the right place, but I really don't think you should do anything except possibly discounting their stay. I think you're making this more about you than them. This is no normal family holiday, and you really don't know the dynamics that could be involved.

I agree, and I think some of the ideas on here are totally OTT. I wouldn't even reduce the price.
What I would do is ensure the place is warm and welcoming, with a tasteful nod to Christmas - a wreath on the door and a small tree inside, and some food/drink provision eg a bottle of wine and shortbread; effectively the same you would be doing for any guest at Christmas.

MaisyAndTallulah · 23/11/2023 08:05

This is so lovely to read.

The nicest airbnb I have stayed in had so many thoughtful touches. These included

  • fresh lavender on the bed
  • A small glass jar of home baked cookies
  • Small vase of fresh flowers
  • Wide selection of organic teas and coffees
  • Wide selection of homemade jams, chutneys etc
  • Eggs
  • A little library in the communal area
  • A huge stack of fluffy towels
  • Supplies of organic shampoo and conditioner

Then, when I left she handed me a travel pack of more home baking (3 slices), and a small paper bag of fresh chillis and kaffir lime leaves from her garden.

The bed was posh hotel quality, there were mohair blankets. And yet it wasn't at all expensive. She was just one of life's beautiful people who loved to make other people feel cherished. I will always remember it.

saraclara · 23/11/2023 08:05

I've read the last couple if dozen posts and as someone who's been on that position, I find myself just wanting to scream NO! at the vast majority of the suggestions.

PLEASE people, put away the over the top sentimentality. And OP, just let this family get on with their time together and ignore all these over the top suggestions to get so involved in these people's event.

MaisyAndTallulah · 23/11/2023 08:07

twilightcafe · 23/11/2023 07:52

No. Don't impose. Your idea of a lovely Christmas setting might not be theirs.

So rude

Motnight · 23/11/2023 08:08

You sound like a lovely person, Op. I think lots of decorations and a hamper are great ideas.

MaisyAndTallulah · 23/11/2023 08:08

The fact they've shared with you about the terminal illness is every indication that they're open to it being acknowledged.

Any normal family will appreciate any kind gesture.

Calliopespa · 23/11/2023 08:09

Ansjovis · 23/11/2023 07:24

You're having an emotional response to what is a difficult thing to hear, so it's understandable for that to then turn into wanting to do something to help. However, please consider that as you don't know them, anything you do may run the risk of increasing their emotional burden. They may feel guilty that you've gone to extra trouble, depending on what you do it may create waste either for them or you and they may find that hard to deal with. The best thing you can do is to provide them with everything you say you will in the listing, double check that everything is in perfect condition and working order, and adhere to all stated timings.

Depending on how long the illness has been going on for, the person may well be fed up of being treated differently by people. You're definitely not going to offend them by only providing what you state in your listing, whereas you may well cause difficulties by providing extra things. If you would normally decorate the property for Christmas then by all means do that but I would caution against going overboard.

The point made here about increasing the emotional burden i think applies to vouchers or money off the stay. It looks like charity when so closely connected to hard cash.
I liked OP’s idea of decorating ( maybe light touch but atmospheric : small fresh tree plus fairy lights?) so it gives them a lovely backdrop to be together but isn’t necessarily anything you wouldn’t have done for every guest at this time of year. The alternative is arriving at Christmas to something un-Christmassy, which could feel bleak at a bleak enough time already. I can’t see a problem with a batch of freshly baked cookies and perhaps a small cake/loaf plus nice juice, tea and coffee options. That would be quite enough OP and wouldn’t run the risk of trying to look virtue signally etc . It’s discreet. People are still allowed to just be kind and thoughtful - and like others have said OP, you have made my morning with your lovely sentiments!