Aibu to be annoyed at DH for booking cycling event which makes it difficult to go on family holiday?

[Neolara]

DH has booked to go on a cycling event abroad that is happening on the Saturday after Easter. Best case scenario is he goes on Friday and returns on Sunday. I suspect it will be longer. He booked without discussing with me or kids.

For the last few years, we have gone on a week long family holiday over Easter. Due to other family commitments, the only possible time for us to be away as a family next year was from the Tues to Saturday after Easter. Now it will be Tues to Thurs, so reduced by 2 days and possibly more as I suspect time will be needed to polish the bike.

The context is that probably every second weekend he spends a day cycling with friends. Every couple of months he will go on long weekends cycling with friends. I don't normally mind. I think in the grand scheme of things I am a very low demand wife. I don't make a fuss about much and I don't stop him from doing things he wants to do. Very occasionally I have got annoyed because even though kids are teens and not difficult to manage at all, he 's still just assuming that I will be the default parent and be around to talk to them / ensure they aren't out all night / be present while he goes off on yet another ride.

I do, however, feel quite annoyed this time. It probably means that we won't go away as a family after all. So let's put it out to public opinion:

Yabu - it's unreasonable to expect DH to at least have a brief conversation with his family before booking something that impacts on the whole family's holiday. A man's bike is his castle and he must be allowed to do what he wants with it.
Yanbu - yes, it's bloody annoying when your DH consistently priorities time with his bike over time with his family, assumes you will just hold the fort without asking and makes decisions that affect others without even having a discussion first.

Is it the 312 in Mallorca? If it is I doubt he’s flying in the day before and out the day after. It’s a huge event.

YANBU

Just read the title and concluded YANBU, didn’t need to read the rest.

Tell him the dates clash and he needs to miss it this year. See what his response is. He may surprise you.

I would just go on holiday without him.

I’d be absolutely fuming that he’d booked it without discussing it with me and knowing that’s when we go on a family holiday. It would lead to a row and I’d be very, very annoyed. What is his plan then for a family holiday?

He is very U to book anything away from home without discussing it first. Cycling or not.
Hide his tyre pump.

Book a great holiday for you and the kids to go on while he's away.

Take your kids on holiday and leave him to it.

From the sound of it, you've let him get away with being self-absorbed and selfish for years. It's a bit unreasonable to expect he'll change now without massive intervention, consequences, or ultimatums.

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. If he wants to be off cycling constantly, leaving you to manage everything why did he get married and have kids?! Really rips my knitting that does.

He is obviously totally wrong for doing this without actually speaking to you about it, but if you cancel your holiday plans then you’re an idiot. Go on holiday with the kids without him.

Does he usually provide much input into booking the family holiday?

I agree. Book holidays for you and the kids and if he wants to come, he can make his own way there.
Selfish git.

The only time in the whole of next year you can go away as a family is one week by Easter?! That's the strangest part! Have you not booked it yet if you're meant to be going in four months?

Honestly this many years in if that's how things are done it's a bit late to get annoyed about cycling being this important to him - both being a bit unreasonable - him for booking and cycling so much, you for not making this clearer sooner!

What sort of cycling event is it? Bunch of mates going touring? Entry into a small/medium sized event? Getting to participate in one of the really great bucket list races, especially if it's one where entry goes to ballot?

I'm a runner rather than a cyclist, and if I got a place in the London Marathon, I'd be really peeved if I was expected to forego it for a holiday that could be taken at another time. And yes I hope that DH would have some understanding of the pecking order of importance (and rarity of ballot places) of the iconic events.

Lesser events however should have fuller discussion

Yes, HIBU but

Due to other family commitments, the only possible time for us to be away as a family next year was from the Tues to Saturday after Easter.

I still find this odd? You really have the entire year booked up next year? And you didn't tell him already that the entire year is booked up? Or he was somehow unaware that the family's entire year is all booked up?

Just to clarify, it's not the only family holiday. We'll go away in the summer as well. But for the last few years, we have also gone away somewhere in the UK for a week over Easter.

Is the event in or near a destination you could have the holiday, and he joins you when he's finished?

Go without him, his loss.

Just go where he is going for the week, it doesn't need to be such a drama

Tell him to cancel.

Once going away after a discussion for a one-off would be reasonable, but not even discussing it is not.

Go without him. And yes, he should have discussed it with you.

Even if it's somewhere nobody else in the family wants to go to? Or its affordable for 1 person to do, but out of range for the whole family?

I suspect time will be needed to polish the bike
This made me laugh more than it should have 😁
Mainly because it's very relatable, only mine is into football and it used to be that time had to be allocated for the pre match drinks and then the post mortem/celebrations after the match. So it was never "just 90 minutes".
Oh what it must be to be a man.