New job. Would you leave over this?

[Muffins34]

Just wanting other peoples opinions on this. I am only a few weeks into a new role but already considering handing my notice in over this.

Just some general information;

I work within the finance department. Very small team- myself, Finance Director (who I report to) and financial controller. Both the FC and FD working remotely from home most of the time, where as I am full time office based (this was my choice I prefer being out away from home)

Also to add that I am not junior in my role, I’m qualified and have worked this position within other companies for 7 years now. I am early 30s but very baby faced and look young for my age (this I believe is relevant to the issues I’m experiencing)

As I sit alone in another part of the office away from others, and my superiors work remotely, there is one woman in particular (manager in another department) who constantly monitors my movements and feels the need to report back to my manager. This is happening 3 times a week. I do not work with her, we have never so much as exchanged an email, nor do I anticipate that we’d have to in the future. My work does not impact her, or her team. Therefor my role and movements should be of absolutely no concern to her.

Would also like to add this woman walks past my desk throughout the day, used the kitchen the same time as me, and has never said a word to me.

Examples are as follows;

• I took a phone call on my work mobile phone. It was highly important, my boss had been asking me to chase this matter up with the person who had called me. Due to the confidential nature of the call (it was relating to a severance package for an employee who had recently been dismissed due to gross misconduct) I walked into my boss’s office to speak on the phone with said person. (My boss had previously told me to use his office to take all calls of a confidential nature. I was also not sat at his desk, I was sat on the table/chair next to his desk, where visitors would usually sit when meeting with him) Manager from the other department saw me in there and called my boss to inform him I was using his office.
• On the Friday I wore jeans with a (small) rip on the knee on one of the legs. Lady manager informed my boss and referred him to our company’s policy which states no ripped jeans.
• Our company’s bank branch is in another town 15-20 minutes away, my boss asked me to visit the branch. I told him I actually drive through the town and past the bank on the drive to work, and I’ll pop in first thing in the morning on the way to work. Great, he said. As I visited the bank in the morning and arrived 40 minutes after my usual start time, lady manager rung my boss.
• I’m slim but quite large chested for my size, which makes my breasts more noticeable. Lady manager informed my boss she could see down my buttoned shirt when she walked past my desk.
• I’m currently moving house. The movers called me at my desk, I answered the call to inform them I’d be finishing work at X time, and to please be at my home for Y time. Manager informed my boss I was taking personal calls at my desk.
• If I go 5 minutes over my 30 minute lunch break, she will inform my boss

I know my boss is not asking her to monitor me. He finds it almost as annoying as I do, tells me she’s been at the company for over 20 years, she’s well thought of by the higher ups because of that, she’s stuck in her ways, and so on. He almost takes humour in it.

This lady is considerably older than me (50s). As mentioned previously I’m very young looking for my age, I do not have a ‘mature’ face. I suspect as I am young enough to be her daughter that she feels she has a right to treat me almost as if I’m child. (Note I do not think all women in their 50s think this way, I’ve never experienced this in any of my previous companies)

The last time the issue was discussed with my boss I lost my patience slightly and told him I don’t appreciate feeling like I’m being watched constantly, and that my movements are non of her concern whatsoever. It’s getting to the point now where I am also resenting him for entertaining it.

Would you leave your current role over this?

Why is your manager telling you what she's doing instead of shutting her down? This is the issue.

I@Muffins34 I've had this in my work, so frustrating and annoying.

I started telling her every little thing I was doing, copying her into emails, and when asked why I said, in an email, the way xxx is reporting on my every move I thought she had to keep a check on me so just keeping her in the loop to make life easier.

A couple of days later I went up to her and said "you seem to be the person to go to, do you know where the company policies are kept, I'm being harassed and need to make a formal complaint, don't suppose you could help me with that could you?"
Soon stopped and we still don't speak to this day, been 12 years now lol

Yes

This is what I was thinking. Why would your boss report back to you that the woman had reported you for a tiny rip in your jeans? He needs to be dealing with her, not winding you up about her.

Love this and agree this is what you should do 💯

Yeah I'd be aggressively saying GOOD MORNING to her every day and making tea/coffee for her, asking her how her weekend was, really really intensely carrying off the conversation and do it EVERY DAY and every time I went in and out of the office "I'M JUST GOING FOR LUNCH DO YOU NEED ANYTHING"

Making it clear you know exactly what she's been up to and you're having none of it.

It's a turf war in her eyes, she's been there 30 years and hates all newcomers, she would do the exact same to any new hire so stop taking it personally, she's just a nasty insecure cowbag.

Also just work from home a few days see how she likes that!!!!

I'd be tempted to call her boss and says that she's not doing her job if she's too concerned at spying on you.
And get them to have a word. She's not batty but just got an overly inflated sense of worth to the company.
I'd also try and talk to her. You're a rival - to her mind, so talk to her and explain that you've been e.ployed to do a job and the harassment is making you think about leaving and so she would have cost the company more than she's saving them by spying. Of course unless she wants you leave. Did she want someone else for your job?

Exactly the grass needs to be told to just get on with the job they are there to do

Unless they have been asked to grass on you to the boss and that's why nothing is being done about it

This borders on harassment on the grounds of sex/age which is specifically illegal....so your boss should be taking it a lot more seriously.

You could raise a formal grievance, though just to warn that this can in practice be a nuclear option in many workplaces....they may state on paper that they are supportive of employee grievances, but irl they don't welcome them. That is particularly the case as you are new to the role.

I think you should ask your boss & HR to resolve it informally and refer to the harassment aspect, you can also state you are thinking of raising a grievance if it continues. If you are considering leaving anyway due to this, what do you have to lose?

If you do write to her directly, I suggest that to cover yourself you let your boss know you are doing this.....to avoid the risk of counter accusations from her. Also, I don't see why a message like this which directly relates to work can't be written & sent within office hours.

As you say you are only a few weeks into your current role, so I would give it more time - to see how you enjoy your job and how you get along with the FM and FD, plus other staff generally - if you like the environment.

If that is positive for you, then you could subtly convey your authority (against this woman) with how you present. (In the past, in similar circumstances, to be taken seriously, I have dressed subtly in a more business-like style, it might be just be choosing to wear a jacket to arrive and depart, a briefcase style handbag…..lots of subtle options that made people be more respectful).

Also if you don’t know who was in post before, they may have had someone who abused their position, you are a new starter, you need to prove yourself in a new environment, give it a bit more time, the older lady might be reacting in response to something that happened before your time.

By January, if it hasn’t settled, your boss needs to step in.

Having re-read the OP, you don't really know if she is really making calls to your manager - it's all hearsay from you manager? What if she is not making all these calls to your manager about? All you need to do is ask your manager to not pass it all to you. What if he is setting you against that lady? I am trying to look from the the different angle.

*about you

I think it’s important not to get involved in personal argy bargy with her, eg the letter above. It makes it look like a personal issue between OP and colleague - they don’t get along. Whereas this is actually management issue and should be handed to HR and your boss to resolve.

Maybe because your manager isn't in the office he just said to this woman "so-and-so is a new joiner and I won't be around very much. Could you keep an eye on her for me for the first few weeks?", and she's taken it a bit too literally.

I think it is difficult for you to tell her to stop if your boss is even passively encouraging her by listening to her calls. I would ask him to ask her to stop.

I’d imagine he’s asked her to keep an eye on OP. That must surely be the genesis of this. Otherwise she is proper nuts.

That’s why I think it’s boss’s issue to sort as he can call the dogs off.

And if he didn’t request keeping an eye, it’s even weirder behaviour, and he needs to manage his workers effectively.

Tell your manager you are going to report this woman to HR for harassment and ask him if there is any particular protocol you need to observe when you do so. See how he reacts.

Please do what uuughhhshsh said I love it ! 🤣

Don’t leave because it some busy body

Definitely do this. Do some mental stuff that is so unbelievable that she will look bonkers.

Oh god, I used to work with someone a bit like that, although not as extreme.

I wouldn't leave my role over it, but I would definitely take this up with your boss again and say that it's reached the point where you're now feeling like you're being bullied/harassed. If he doesn't deal with it, I would speak to her directly about it.

However, presumably your boss is actually telling you about each time she emails him to snitch on you? To be honest, your boss is also at fault here as he shouldn't be relaying it to you. (Unless she's actually copying you in on the emails?!)

The comment about being able to see down your top is actually very creepy and gross.

If I was your boss I wouldn't be passing this on to you. I would just tell her it's non of her business or that whatever she is reporting is already approved by me

I think you need to try the high road first, albeit more robustly than you already have to date. Basically, say "Boss, if you don't tell her to back off and let me get on with my job, I will, and it wont be as politely as she is perhaps used to."

The boss sounds like they could do without he hassle as they all know she's an annoying busy body and probably laugh about her behind her back, but is a part of the furniture and possibly does her job well so they ignore it. If you make it sound like you are prepared tp stir things up they might act.

It must be frustrating because your boss could nip this in the bud, its lazy and poor management really.

Tbh if you're boss isn't using their office and doesn't mind you using it, I'd move into it.

Your manager isn't managing this very well. That's literally his job. If you're feeling resentment over it he needs to step up and tell her to wind her fucking neck in.