New job. Would you leave over this?

[Muffins34]

Just wanting other peoples opinions on this. I am only a few weeks into a new role but already considering handing my notice in over this.

Just some general information;

I work within the finance department. Very small team- myself, Finance Director (who I report to) and financial controller. Both the FC and FD working remotely from home most of the time, where as I am full time office based (this was my choice I prefer being out away from home)

Also to add that I am not junior in my role, I’m qualified and have worked this position within other companies for 7 years now. I am early 30s but very baby faced and look young for my age (this I believe is relevant to the issues I’m experiencing)

As I sit alone in another part of the office away from others, and my superiors work remotely, there is one woman in particular (manager in another department) who constantly monitors my movements and feels the need to report back to my manager. This is happening 3 times a week. I do not work with her, we have never so much as exchanged an email, nor do I anticipate that we’d have to in the future. My work does not impact her, or her team. Therefor my role and movements should be of absolutely no concern to her.

Would also like to add this woman walks past my desk throughout the day, used the kitchen the same time as me, and has never said a word to me.

Examples are as follows;

• I took a phone call on my work mobile phone. It was highly important, my boss had been asking me to chase this matter up with the person who had called me. Due to the confidential nature of the call (it was relating to a severance package for an employee who had recently been dismissed due to gross misconduct) I walked into my boss’s office to speak on the phone with said person. (My boss had previously told me to use his office to take all calls of a confidential nature. I was also not sat at his desk, I was sat on the table/chair next to his desk, where visitors would usually sit when meeting with him) Manager from the other department saw me in there and called my boss to inform him I was using his office.
• On the Friday I wore jeans with a (small) rip on the knee on one of the legs. Lady manager informed my boss and referred him to our company’s policy which states no ripped jeans.
• Our company’s bank branch is in another town 15-20 minutes away, my boss asked me to visit the branch. I told him I actually drive through the town and past the bank on the drive to work, and I’ll pop in first thing in the morning on the way to work. Great, he said. As I visited the bank in the morning and arrived 40 minutes after my usual start time, lady manager rung my boss.
• I’m slim but quite large chested for my size, which makes my breasts more noticeable. Lady manager informed my boss she could see down my buttoned shirt when she walked past my desk.
• I’m currently moving house. The movers called me at my desk, I answered the call to inform them I’d be finishing work at X time, and to please be at my home for Y time. Manager informed my boss I was taking personal calls at my desk.
• If I go 5 minutes over my 30 minute lunch break, she will inform my boss

I know my boss is not asking her to monitor me. He finds it almost as annoying as I do, tells me she’s been at the company for over 20 years, she’s well thought of by the higher ups because of that, she’s stuck in her ways, and so on. He almost takes humour in it.

This lady is considerably older than me (50s). As mentioned previously I’m very young looking for my age, I do not have a ‘mature’ face. I suspect as I am young enough to be her daughter that she feels she has a right to treat me almost as if I’m child. (Note I do not think all women in their 50s think this way, I’ve never experienced this in any of my previous companies)

The last time the issue was discussed with my boss I lost my patience slightly and told him I don’t appreciate feeling like I’m being watched constantly, and that my movements are non of her concern whatsoever. It’s getting to the point now where I am also resenting him for entertaining it.

Would you leave your current role over this?

You don't happen to work for a house builder do you? ...

Good god this sounds horrendous! Why do you know what she says to your boss? Does your boss tell you she’s said something? And if so is it in a jokey way or in a “just checking up on why you were 5 mins late from lunch?” Way?

It certainly sounds like a pretty shit working culture, the fact that she’s doing this and doesn’t even speak to you - this rather than the calls would make me start looking elsewhere.

If the dire culture doesn’t bother you then I think you should ask your manager to ask her to cease any reports on your movements. At the very least he can stop telling you what she says so that you feel less monitored.

You should have some fun with this. The woman is clearly deranged. Your boss isn't going to deal with it. Maybe you should tell your boss you will be working in his office for the foreseeable as she is doing your head in.

He obviously encourages her. Imagine if she's called and he said he is not interested.

This. Did he actually say to you that she said she could see down your top? If so he is participating in this harrassment.

Tell your boss that you no longer want to hear any feedback from this woman so wholly unconnected to you (you could quote Elizabeth Bennett here :)). Also he should not be taking her calls/entertaining her emails etc.

I'd be quite tempted to call her on it though. "Linda, do you not have enough work to do that you are spending your time at work observing my movements without any idea of why I am doing what I am doing and very creepily looking down my shirt? I think I may need to tell your manager that you are wasting company time like this and behaving inappropriately to me"

Agree with those saying that the issue is with your boss. The fact he tells you all this in the first place (how else would you know?) in a jokey way is actually incredibly creepy - how can he possibly a) think it's okay to pass some of this on ad verbatim without nipping it in the bud with that lady, and b) think it's anything to make light of or joke about - is he actually enjoying this and getting some sort of weird kick out of it?

Put it all in writing and raise with HR.

Edited for typo

I'm sorry Op but I'd leave and make it clear why. That's harassment (& potentially even bullying & your boss is complicit).

Find a new job - somewhere that you're appreciated and treated as an adult.

I'd do this too. But I am 47, permanently tired, and in no mood to be trifled with.

There’s only one thing for it. You need to engage in increasingly bizarre behaviour that only she is witness to so she looks like she’s going insane. Eg walk past her desk completely naked but ensure you are fully dressed by the time everyone else returns to the office. Or exit the toilets with a crocodile on a lead. Or have a loud conversation on the phone describing what she’s wearing that day whilst cleaning a gun.

I think if you're prepared to leave over this then I'd put in a complaint and let all hell break loose. Then if you don't get anywhere you can still leave and at least you'll have made her life difficult.

You're not being strategic.

Start saying hi to her and making small talk. Never mention any of what you've posted. Befriend her.

Don't resign. That's how you win this.

Or start WFH.

This exactly. If he was a supportive manager and a decent guy he'd be saying to her, 'I trust OP and I don't need to know these types of things'. And he'd be keeping his mouth shut to you. The fact he's doing neither of those (and making excuses for her and saying she's 'well thought of') means he on some level likes what she's doing and buys into this toxic culture.

Get out.

Boss "busybody rang to tell me me you used my office the morning."

You "yes, I needed to speak to HR about Xs severance pay. Is that an issue?"

Boss "no no, not at all"

You "ok, so why are you telling me?"

Boss "busybody emailed to say you were late in yesterday"

You "yes, I went to do the banking n my way in to the office. Is that an issue?"

Boss "no no, not at all"

You "ok, so why are you telling me?"

Rinse and repeat until your boss gets the message.

It sounds very dysfunctional. Her behaviour sounds very creepy, but I agree, why is your boss passing on her comments about being able to see down your shirt? For that matter, why does he seem to be passing on everything she is apparently telling him about you?

Why does he have his own empty office if he is working most of the time from home? If you've been asked to go there and shut the door for confidential phone calls such as the one you mention, why can't he advise her of this? How about a system for staff who have a meeting out of the office - your branch visit on the way in - to advise that this is the case?

If getting out of there asap isn't immediately available as an option, both your colleagues' behaviour is disrupting your work and wasting more time than anything else.

Yes talk to your boss and outline that this constitutes harassment and you’re considering resigning over it. He needs to take control. It’s totally unprofessional to allow this to continue.

If your manager doesn’t use his office can’t you base yourself in there? Would he agree to that? That will annoy her.

Ewwww, hideous freak. There’s always one. The shirt thing is sexual harassment.

I had my freak in my last job - of all the hundreds of messages I received daily from her, one used to say ‘you might want to rethink your knicker-jeans combination’. I don’t want to know either.

The funny thing was she was ugly as sin - obese truck driver in lipstick - and often rolled up in hot pants. As the day passed her remarkably accommodating vulva inhaled them comprehensively- you could only glimpse the satin trim at the back.

She’s a nasty bully. Bad management - they’ve let the mould grow unchecked and your misery is the result.

This kind of behaviour has happened to me. I actually addressed it directly with the person concerned. I kept really calm and raised it in a professional way that no-one could question: “I notice that you seem concerned about some of the things I’m doing…shall we have a conversation about it?”

Why is your Boss reporting all of this back to you in the first place?!

I would interrupt him next time he starts, and say I am angry enough about being monitored every moment I am in the office, I really don't need to be informed of what she's telling you.

Let him know that you're pissed off, not her.

I think you have explained things very clearly. I would repeat this (possibly editing the comments on ripped jeans and large breasts) in a formal email to your manager and to HR, indicating that you really enjoy your job but if this continues you will need to consider leaving the company due to workplace bullying. And I would not be shy about making clear who the individual is and the instances where you feel watched and reported on.

If that doesn't work then yes, you may need to consider leaving. No point staying if it's making you miserable.

Your boss needs to manage this it’s not acceptable.
I’d send him an email (shorter version of this post) but with examples.
Make it’s clear it’s affecting your ability to work.

No I would not leave and give her any satisfaction.

Sorry you're having to go through all this. It's one reason WFH should be the way to go over a choice over dealing with difficult colleagues.

Your boss is one of these creepy men who believe that all women are constantly at each others throats, competing for attention from men.

He’s either making it up or he’s massively encouraging it because he gets off on it. That’s why he finds it amusing - he sees himself as the sane rational one amongst all these crazy women.

Even though he’s not in the office, he thinks he’s indispensable as he keeps the peace between the warring factions.

Your story is ridden with cliches - “ older “ woman in her 50s who ( it’s implied ) is jealous of a “ baby faced “ 30 something. You’ve even mentioned that you have a curvy figure - creepy men think that women are always eyeing up other women’s breasts when in fact most of us couldn't t care less.

Someone is certainly on the wind up here.

I wouldn't leave and I wouldn't communicate with her about all this. I would say to my boss that if he doesn't sort it out, I'm going to go and take things further because this is harassment in the workplace.