New job. Would you leave over this?

[Muffins34]

Just wanting other peoples opinions on this. I am only a few weeks into a new role but already considering handing my notice in over this.

Just some general information;

I work within the finance department. Very small team- myself, Finance Director (who I report to) and financial controller. Both the FC and FD working remotely from home most of the time, where as I am full time office based (this was my choice I prefer being out away from home)

Also to add that I am not junior in my role, I’m qualified and have worked this position within other companies for 7 years now. I am early 30s but very baby faced and look young for my age (this I believe is relevant to the issues I’m experiencing)

As I sit alone in another part of the office away from others, and my superiors work remotely, there is one woman in particular (manager in another department) who constantly monitors my movements and feels the need to report back to my manager. This is happening 3 times a week. I do not work with her, we have never so much as exchanged an email, nor do I anticipate that we’d have to in the future. My work does not impact her, or her team. Therefor my role and movements should be of absolutely no concern to her.

Would also like to add this woman walks past my desk throughout the day, used the kitchen the same time as me, and has never said a word to me.

Examples are as follows;

• I took a phone call on my work mobile phone. It was highly important, my boss had been asking me to chase this matter up with the person who had called me. Due to the confidential nature of the call (it was relating to a severance package for an employee who had recently been dismissed due to gross misconduct) I walked into my boss’s office to speak on the phone with said person. (My boss had previously told me to use his office to take all calls of a confidential nature. I was also not sat at his desk, I was sat on the table/chair next to his desk, where visitors would usually sit when meeting with him) Manager from the other department saw me in there and called my boss to inform him I was using his office.
• On the Friday I wore jeans with a (small) rip on the knee on one of the legs. Lady manager informed my boss and referred him to our company’s policy which states no ripped jeans.
• Our company’s bank branch is in another town 15-20 minutes away, my boss asked me to visit the branch. I told him I actually drive through the town and past the bank on the drive to work, and I’ll pop in first thing in the morning on the way to work. Great, he said. As I visited the bank in the morning and arrived 40 minutes after my usual start time, lady manager rung my boss.
• I’m slim but quite large chested for my size, which makes my breasts more noticeable. Lady manager informed my boss she could see down my buttoned shirt when she walked past my desk.
• I’m currently moving house. The movers called me at my desk, I answered the call to inform them I’d be finishing work at X time, and to please be at my home for Y time. Manager informed my boss I was taking personal calls at my desk.
• If I go 5 minutes over my 30 minute lunch break, she will inform my boss

I know my boss is not asking her to monitor me. He finds it almost as annoying as I do, tells me she’s been at the company for over 20 years, she’s well thought of by the higher ups because of that, she’s stuck in her ways, and so on. He almost takes humour in it.

This lady is considerably older than me (50s). As mentioned previously I’m very young looking for my age, I do not have a ‘mature’ face. I suspect as I am young enough to be her daughter that she feels she has a right to treat me almost as if I’m child. (Note I do not think all women in their 50s think this way, I’ve never experienced this in any of my previous companies)

The last time the issue was discussed with my boss I lost my patience slightly and told him I don’t appreciate feeling like I’m being watched constantly, and that my movements are non of her concern whatsoever. It’s getting to the point now where I am also resenting him for entertaining it.

Would you leave your current role over this?

If your boss doesn't care why is he even telling you about what she is saying? You don't need to know. Maybe ask him to stop telling you as you are getting frustrated.

Apart from her do you like the job?

And why did your predecessor leave?

This is harassment and you should raise it formally with your boss.

How do you know all this? Is your boss telling you? If so, ask him to stop. If he has issues with your conduct he can get his ass into the office and supervise you himself. In the meantime you have no interest in what this woman is saying about you.

This isn't funny. Your boss is too weak to manage her. Tell him if he doesn't make her stop your'll put in a formal complaint.

Your boss is a complete waste of space.

He clearly does not value you if he is finding this womans harassment of you amusing.

Email him every single incident and raise a grievance with HR.

Spell it all out.
That it is deeply creepy and you feel harassed and unsafe in the environment.

I would be job hunting too as your boss has shown himself to be an absolute incompetent.

The problem is your boss.

Ask him "why are you telling me this?".

Don’t let her push you out if you like the role and the organisation. It sounds a bit lonely to me - do others in the office include you?

She will no doubt get fed up of it soon, or pick on the next new person.

How do you know she's doing this?

But also what the hell is she doing looking down your top - definitely complain about that in writing. Horrible.

I would go to her boss and ask them to exactly clarify what position of authority or supervision she has over you.

If (when) they say none at all, tell them about how she is harassing you, whilst clearly neglecting her own work in order to spend time on personal interests - her non-work-related hobby of micro-observing and harassing you - and tell them that it needs to stop, otherwise you will raise a grievance procedure.

If they somehow happen to say that she does have authority over you, tell them that you require them to point out where it specifies this in your contract or any other official communications about your job role. If (when) they can't do this, ask them to pinpoint exactly when this situation changed and when they officially communicated this structure change to you.

I had a colleague like this, many years ago. In my experience, they never get very high in the company - partly because they aren't all that bright and partly because they aren't very highly skilled - but will get a role one or two levels above the lowest, purely by dint of having been there for so long.

They're very dull, sad people who like to fantasise about how utterly essential they are to the company - not remunerated financially, but 'of course everybody knows how absolutely indispensable they are', and they rarely have much else of interest going on in their lives.

They tend to be the kind of people who, as children, would have gone running to the teacher to tell tales about the most petty, trivial non-events and think that the teacher would admire and respect them for it - when, in reality, the teacher probably couldn't stand them any more than the other children could.

Tell your boss (in writing) that what this woman is doing is classed as harassment in the workplace, and unless he deals with it as soon as possible, you will be raising a formal grievance.

This

I'd go straight to HR in your position. You've raised it with your line manager and he's done nothing.

This actually makes me really cross! Why should you leave your job for her? That would be giving her what she wants. She's a bully! Don't give her the satisfaction.

Why the fuck is she “looking down your top” and double how the fuck did he actually raise this with you?

Why is your boss telling you all this? Have you asked? Her behaviour is unacceptable of course, but if your boss wasn’t telling you about it every time you wouldn’t know, right?

How do you know that she is reporting you to your manager time and again?

I ask because we used to have a busy body PA who used to tell tales on my team to me all the time. I used to roll my eyes when she sent me these emails but I would never have told my team of the things she used to report because all it would do is upset my team. Your boss should be protecting you from this nonsense.

I would ask in writing why your boss is complicit in your sexual harassment by another worker. It’s not just men who aren’t allowed to look down your top at work then to put this in an email.

Be clear that his failure to deal with her harassment is leading to an escalation of her behaviours. I would also ask how exes you he is responding that is making her continue as this is very easy to shut down.

Yes, make a formal complaint about her sexual harassment of you.

It's no less serious than if a male colleague were doing the same thing - and the difference between claims of 'monitoring' and the reality of ogling can be very blurred and open to controversy indeed.

I second the PP that you need to document this formally. Write to your boss and basically outline this list you put in your OP and say that this behaviour is making you uncomfortable and you want it to be stopped as do not find it amusing.
Your boss can either deal with it or it gets escalated

It's bullying and harrassment on her part and not on.

On the other hand why is your male boss telling you that someone can see down your top? I would find the whole thing very creepy. Yes if I could find another job I would leave.

Your boss is relaying to you that another woman has commented on your breasts? This is so inappropriate, I'd be looking to leave and reporting them both

Keep a massive sheet stuck to your desk with her initials at the top of it and every time she comes out make a big deal of scrabbling for a pen and then record the date and time on it.

This…
I find it very odd that a male manager (did I understand that) would pass on that very personal comment about the shirt for instance…let alone the rest of this stuff

given OP hasn’t come back with he answer to “how have you found this out if she doesn’t speak to you” I’m calling it bullshit.

I’m not sure I would leave without trying to sort. I do think it’s harassment tho

I don't often agree with MN suggestions on how to handle tricky situations, but I love this. She's so clearly in the wrong and needs telling.

I'd print out the harassment/bullying policy and leave it on her desk when she's not there. Highlight some of the specific areas. Say absolutely nothing. Then keep a log of everything. Say nothing to your manager for now so that he doesn't stop telling you what she tells him. You want to know if she's still at it.
Or make a big deal of introducing yourself to her "hi Mary, feel terrible we haven't caught up when you already know so much about me"
If you do decide to leave I'd leave on congratulations card on her desk "Congratulations you cost the company X amount in recruitment fees"