New job. Would you leave over this?

[Muffins34]

Just wanting other peoples opinions on this. I am only a few weeks into a new role but already considering handing my notice in over this.

Just some general information;

I work within the finance department. Very small team- myself, Finance Director (who I report to) and financial controller. Both the FC and FD working remotely from home most of the time, where as I am full time office based (this was my choice I prefer being out away from home)

Also to add that I am not junior in my role, I’m qualified and have worked this position within other companies for 7 years now. I am early 30s but very baby faced and look young for my age (this I believe is relevant to the issues I’m experiencing)

As I sit alone in another part of the office away from others, and my superiors work remotely, there is one woman in particular (manager in another department) who constantly monitors my movements and feels the need to report back to my manager. This is happening 3 times a week. I do not work with her, we have never so much as exchanged an email, nor do I anticipate that we’d have to in the future. My work does not impact her, or her team. Therefor my role and movements should be of absolutely no concern to her.

Would also like to add this woman walks past my desk throughout the day, used the kitchen the same time as me, and has never said a word to me.

Examples are as follows;

• I took a phone call on my work mobile phone. It was highly important, my boss had been asking me to chase this matter up with the person who had called me. Due to the confidential nature of the call (it was relating to a severance package for an employee who had recently been dismissed due to gross misconduct) I walked into my boss’s office to speak on the phone with said person. (My boss had previously told me to use his office to take all calls of a confidential nature. I was also not sat at his desk, I was sat on the table/chair next to his desk, where visitors would usually sit when meeting with him) Manager from the other department saw me in there and called my boss to inform him I was using his office.
• On the Friday I wore jeans with a (small) rip on the knee on one of the legs. Lady manager informed my boss and referred him to our company’s policy which states no ripped jeans.
• Our company’s bank branch is in another town 15-20 minutes away, my boss asked me to visit the branch. I told him I actually drive through the town and past the bank on the drive to work, and I’ll pop in first thing in the morning on the way to work. Great, he said. As I visited the bank in the morning and arrived 40 minutes after my usual start time, lady manager rung my boss.
• I’m slim but quite large chested for my size, which makes my breasts more noticeable. Lady manager informed my boss she could see down my buttoned shirt when she walked past my desk.
• I’m currently moving house. The movers called me at my desk, I answered the call to inform them I’d be finishing work at X time, and to please be at my home for Y time. Manager informed my boss I was taking personal calls at my desk.
• If I go 5 minutes over my 30 minute lunch break, she will inform my boss

I know my boss is not asking her to monitor me. He finds it almost as annoying as I do, tells me she’s been at the company for over 20 years, she’s well thought of by the higher ups because of that, she’s stuck in her ways, and so on. He almost takes humour in it.

This lady is considerably older than me (50s). As mentioned previously I’m very young looking for my age, I do not have a ‘mature’ face. I suspect as I am young enough to be her daughter that she feels she has a right to treat me almost as if I’m child. (Note I do not think all women in their 50s think this way, I’ve never experienced this in any of my previous companies)

The last time the issue was discussed with my boss I lost my patience slightly and told him I don’t appreciate feeling like I’m being watched constantly, and that my movements are non of her concern whatsoever. It’s getting to the point now where I am also resenting him for entertaining it.

Would you leave your current role over this?

I'd report her to HR for stalking and creating a hostile work environment.
And to her own boss for not doing her actual job, instead constantly surveilling you.

What the fuck is the matter with her.

I had this before, when I found out that she'd reported back to management that I'd been on the company PM/DM system for an hour one afternoon, I then sent her an email, with our managers in copy (I was senior to her and she was relatively new actually but she was sleeping with the owner of the company so acted like she was the boss), anyway, the email said along the lines of "It has come to my attention that you were concerned with my use of our company PM/DM yesterday afternoon. In actual fact, I was using this system as part of my job to train our home-based contractors, I named the contractor I had been training and detailed what I was training her on, and told her they were welcome to clarify that this online conversation had been work-related training."

I watched her and the managers as they opened and read the email, then the glare they gave each other. Never heard another peep from her again, however, I did leave shortly after (that had just been the icing on the cake).

In your situation, I wouldn't leave though, I'd report her to HR for harassment, bullying and sexual harassment. Only leave if they don't resolve it.

Yes, and I'd include sexually inappropriate behaviour - looking down your blouse whilst you are seated.

I'd complain to HR right away.

This is the only way!

People will back off majorly when you approach them in this way - they'll be mortified but unable to do a damn thing about it as you're polite and professional.

Is there any chance she is shagging your boss? For some reason i have an image of them lying in bed together as she runs through a commentary of her day at the office...

The best way to deal with this would to kill her with kindness. Whenever you see her give her a smile and a “good morning” or “good afternoon”.

She’s clearly a bitter jealous cow and just on a power trip.

I'm the exact same 😂

I think I would let your boss know that you are thinking about making a formal complaint about her behaviour if it is not something that he can deal with informally soon (ie give him the chance but also a shove to sort it out) and also point out that whilst so far you love the job/company/working for him and with the team this is something that is severely impacting your experience and you would not want it to turn into something that means you cannot see a future for yourself in the company. Hopefully this will give him impetus to put get his finger out of his arse and actually tell her to stop.

I would say she is harassing you. But I would definitely make an effort to get to know her and see if I could make the situation better. I would speak to your boss and say you will take it further if it doesn’t stop. He needs to tell to back off! I would consider working from home some days if possible but don’t make a set routine so she doesn’t know when you’re in etc!

Why is your boss telling you this? He needs to tell her to pipe down or ignore it.
I agree with other comments about calling her out.

I'd start looking around, OP. The woman shouldn't be allowed to behave as you've described, but having to think about starting a grievance so soon after you've started the job is very far from ideal.

What a total PITA. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

How frustrating! Do you like the job apart from this? If so, I would give it at least a few more months. Some people can be a bit territorial and want to hammer a newcomer into some kind of imaginary pecking order ie; below them ( know several people who have had this situation with children starting new schools ), but it tends to settle down once they get used to them/ realise they are here to stay/ find they aren’t the perceived threat they subconsciously worried about. It sounds as if your boss seemed to imply something along those lines about her. It may just be her customary welcome to newcomers! I’d try thinking if it as an initiation rite and see how things are after a while before jumping ship.

Wow. This woman has issues. Doesn’t matter if she’s a Manager, she is not your Manager and she is crossing a line into stalking harassment. If it was me we would be having a chat in your Managers office. Put in grievance to HR. Good luck.

… and if it does continue but you’d like to stay, you should try dealing with it more directly ( call her out, lodge complaint with boss) before just leaving.

I’d make detailed notes and take out a grievance. She’s bullying you. Did she by any chance apply for your job?

She sounds a bit of a saddo with too much time on her hands.

She is definitely over invested in you - I have worked with people like this and to be honest in hindsight the best thing to do is ignore and find amusement in it.

i can imagine it is very frustrating though and intimidating especially when you are just in a job.

I suspect if you put in a complaint she would play the victim card.

Would be tempted to wind her up though by coming in later, using the bosses office etc pre agreed with your boss and let her knock herself out by reporting you.

Yes detailed notes is a really important point. Re the bullying comment, I agree that is the effect but ( and I preface this by saying I am not exonerating her, just throwing out a different perspective) her motivation might not be bullying but rather a misguided notion of loyalty to the company, feeling she is kind of “taste-testing “ the new and untested on the team. That still doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a bullying and harassing effect, but you might find it helpful to consider that is a possibility rather than she simply loathes you .

To be honest, how would you feel about just asking her that? “ Do you always put newcomers through their paces or is it that you have particular issue with me?”

Almost certainly I would want to but I'd rather get revenge do the same to her monitor her. She's harassing you. I would consider logging this stalking behaviour with HR check the handbook policies and procedures seen as the witch knows all of those. Makes you wonder how the hell she gets her work done being the office busy body. I know you say you prefer office I used to but now I much prefer home working I save a fortune in fuel and food coffees, I get miles more done without all the office nonsense and get to have more walking with my pooch. Personally I would consider making a working from home request. X

I don’t understand why you just don’t confront her? Tell her you feel uncomfortable and if she would just mind her own business. If she still continues then report to HR? What are you scared of ?

I worked with someone like this, they don't and won't change. It is about finding a way of coping with it while you look for another job. Your manager should have knocked it on the head right at the start, told her that these unwarranted and uncalled for acts of utter petty mindedness need to stop.

Email her. Seriously.

Dear Linda

Dave has been detailing to me your numerous calls around my work practices. Whilst I expect to be assessed by my superiors for the purposes of work reviews, pay discussions and other situations where my performance is relevant, I am baffled by your obsessive interest in my every move.

I am not sure if you are aware that this could well be considered harassment - in particular - your policing of my cleavage is something that I am pretty certain falls outside of your job description and I am taking this opportunity to ask you politely, to cease and desist from this bizarre behaviour.

If you choose to continue, you will not only be sorely disappointed by my reliability, honesty, strong work ethic and lack of reportable behaviour, you will leave me no choice by to discuss this with HR.

I am perfectly capable of managing my time, my role and my relationship with my superiors - as I am sure, are you.

You will be pleased to know that I composed this email at 19:43 from my home office - so outside of office hours. Phew - no need to call Dave.

Kind regards
Muffins

I think it’s your boss who is the real problem here.
He tells you to ignore her but then recounts what she has told him to you?

I cannot imagine any boss I’ve ever had (male or female) telling me that someone said they could see down my top. That would be highly unprofessional and quite frankly, just asking for trouble. Maybe he’s getting a bit of a kick out of this?

You should bypass your boss and see HR. It sounds like your new employer doesn’t have a particularly healthy culture.

Honestly I wouldn't retaliate, play games or make threats about HR.

I would just broach the subject with him and maybe her too.

To him:
Can I talk to you about this? I feel the need to be direct. I am considering leaving the job as I feel so let down by you here.

To her:
Hello, may I have a word. I feel it's best to address this directly with you but please be aware I've already spoken to Dave and will be putting in writing to HR. I find this working environment where I'm being inappropriately monitored by someone I don't even report to untenable. (Let her respond with whatever).

Then put the whole thing in writing to hr.

This!

I wouldnt leave a role i like at this stage but this behaviour would drive me up the wall. As well as drawing attention to the fact ive clocked it and find it foolish i would be complaining a bit stronger in writing about harassment.