AIBU to ask for your real life Hyacinth Bucket quotes

[JustAGirlScotland]

Went to a Christmas fair with my mum at the weekend.

She spotted some Norwegian style Christmas napkins that she liked. Passed them to me and asked, "Are these 3 ply? I will not buy napkins that are less than 3 ply".

It really made me laugh and I wondered if others have Hyacinth style quotes from friends/family?

Not finger sandwiches? clutches pearls

My mil will only eat finger sandwiches. And she’ll only eat afternoon tea in the Ritz.

I grew up so working class, on the breadline, constantly about to lose our house, one part time wage at the best of times kinda deal and I’m proud of it.
….then I married DH who is the complete opposite and my life changed substantially.

Yesterday I was walking around M&S and heard myself say to him ‘We absolutely cannot forget to buy Sage again today, honestly roasting squash with thyme alone barely feels worth it’

Had a colleague with the surname Russell who was determined it was pronounced 'Rooselllll' as if she was French 😆

I had a relative who thought Carte d'Or ice cream was the epitome of posh. No love, it's just standard mass produced ice cream out of a tub, which happens to have a French name.

I remember someone that hyphenated their last name from Onions to O'Nions. Probably same family as @Pasithean Client!

My father wasn’t posh. My mother has Hyacinth tendencies. I can move between the two with ease. When my father was trying to impress, eg speaking on the phone to prospective customers, he’d put on his best Harold Steptoe accent (when Harold was trying to impress the ladies). He died many years ago and my mother has become increasingly posher. We always took the mick as she was always a bit snobby. Her current partner speaks very naicely so my mother now uses lavatory and napkin having brought us up on loo and serviette… albeit she says she was raised in the former.

My 15 yo dd is becoming a chip off the old block - grandma, not me. Mortally embarrassed by me, her mother. I went to a rough school, much to my disgust at my parents choices. Dd otoh is at private school. She moved from state in year 9 and went from eating as much as possible as the French do when they use their bread to mop up remains, except she’d do it throughout the meal (for context dh is French), to sitting with a straight back with impeccable table manners. She’s in year 11 now and she was speaking about one of her friends (who isn’t at her school) having sex. My comment was that some girls at her school must be when she said not. ‘No’, she said. ‘We don’t do things like that, we are xxx school girls.’ I had to contain myself from laughing.

DD’s friends think I’m posh and dd has expectations for how I should behave around her friends or the boys she has briefly dated. For context, I’m southern and have reclaimed my accent from before I went to said rough school. Sometimes I play along, sometimes I don’t. Dd likes it that I’m considered posh and I’m using this as leverage to full effect. She has a strong personality and a tendency to try to control me. So when arguing with me, especially in front of friends, I’ve come up with a cunning plan. I’m learning Multicultural London English (aka Roadman) to piss her off. My research has been extensive and she gets bare mad. She’s tried to one up me with playlists in the car and told me I don’t know how to speak it properly. No worries, thought I, and have started to listen to Radio 1 Xtra and have realised it’s music, not noise and quite like some of it. And research, I’m half way through season 2 of Top Boy, the internet is my friend etc. Bless her, she’s going to need therapy. 😈

I have, on more than one occasion, told my partner I can hear him blinking when we are in bed at night. His name is Richard …….😂

Two spring to mind. First is from when I was a French teacher - we were talking about daily routines and breakfast, and a (genuinely lovely) Y7 student asked me how to say ‘sourdough and kefir’ in French 😄

The second is pretty niche. There’s a place near us called Doublebois (Cornwall). It’s pronounced ‘double boys’, but a friend of my nan announced that she lived in ‘Dooblay-bwah’ 😄 we’ve called it that ever since.

My MIL can be heard tutting “women at that delicate time should not dream of wearing a bikini. Quite vulgar indeed.”

(Pregnant woman who dare to show their pregnancy in swimwear)

I know so many of these women.

Also, my DB married someone from "down south" and she talked very posh. Her parents lived in a massive, old house and it was beautiful. When we went round there her mum would cook an amazing meal, have champagne and wine, make the most amazing meals and desserts.

One Christmas Day my DB didn't call us (before mobiles) and my parents were very upset. It turns out he wasn't allowed to use the phone as it cost too much money. Apparently as soon as anyone left, the heating went off, and they ate tinned food on toast. They were skint, but maintained this outward image.

Her mum outclassed my MIL any day.

Another one for myself was before DC, DH and I used to buy Verve Clicquot Champagne. We hardly went out, so didn't mind this treat. We used to sit there with our Fray Bentos, watching the telly, with a glass of Verve.

A friend told me, "it's not pronounced bath, it's pronounced barrrthhhh'. We are no longer friends 😂

It’s a joke! It’s literally taking the piss out of hyacinth bouquet-type affectations.

Whatever you think of Nigella, she’s definitely not stupid. How that was jumped on as a snobby mispronunciation rather than a bit of campy humour is beyond me.

A friend who works in retail is occasionally asked to cover shifts in another branch - she is always very keen to tell people that she is "duo-sited".

MN is absolutely full of them, tbh.

I've seen a few posters boast about how they've been studying etiquette books for 30 years. The nights must fly past.

My mother is like this. I have to translate a lot of her comments:

“He inherited the family business” = he works for his Dad

”They have a trout river at the bottom of their garden” = it’s a little beck

“I had to go to A & E as I have damaged my eye” = conjunctivitis

“She’s an athlete” = she took part in a sponsored walk

”When I worked in the theatre” = am dram

Farrow & Ball paint is my test for Hyacinths. They're always desperate to tell you that they've used F&B paint because, upsettingly, you can't tell it's F&B just by looking at it, so you must be told.

I told this to my partner, and she was skeptical. Who would name drop paint?

Cue her friend a week or so later, casually, "Yes, busy weekend, we painted the front door. We went for Farrow & Ball Peacocks Testicle in the end..."

This is awful but the best 😆

My grandma was a huge snob, which meant that my mum went very much in the other direction (criticising people whose land rovers were too clean...) but every now and then she would come out with something wild. Usually in the full knowledge of what it sounded like and really enjoying herself.

After grandma's funeral we had the wake at our house. A few very well-to-do people who were family friends when mum was growing up (so unknown to me and my siblings) were there and as people were arriving she called out to my brother across the room "Matthew! Could you move your Lancia darling as between that and the Jenkins' Jag uncle Harry can't get his Bentley on the drive."

The absolute glee on her face, I can see it now.

My favourites: (from same person)

"Waitrose only buys the best quality beans" (when pointed out that Waitrose Bakes beans were 10p more expensive than the same tin in Sainsbury's)

"We are surrounded by working class people. Working class people only baby sit for family" (explaining why they struggled to get a babysitter)

"We don't say 'the car'; we say 'the Audi'." (correcting their dc)

"It was such a bargain, only £200, that we had to have it" (rather hideous dress that would have passed for a tree costume in a pantomime)

"We have so many people desperate to hear our news that we have to send so many Christmas letters. They would be devastated not to hear from us, and we can't let them down." (explaining why they sent 200 Christmas letters. Amusement came later when they admitted to getting less than 40 cards back)

"Of course it isn't anything like as big as ours" (this was an interesting one. They'd bought a new house, as had their sister. They hadn't seen their sister's at that point, nor knew anything about it-yes the sister's was actually bigger)

There's probably more if I think about it.

My aunt answered the phone in our hearing with: "the Smith family here, Mrs. Smith speaking."

I was walking along with friends and we'd left her house and as we walked past a block of flats I admired the Christmas lights in a window but said I'm not putting mine up yet I'll do it when I get a day off work... Well she pipes up they have there's up early because 99% of council tenants don't work I live in a HA house and reminded her that a good few work like any one else and asked how many times her house has been remortgaged 😉🤣

Someone in my family (in their 30s, still calls their Mum 'Mummy') and has developed a verrrr posh accent.... married, two children, the boy (now about 8) wears a tie and apparently loves his tweed jacket with leather patches. I would love to tell you the name of the children, just can't, but think the most posh names imaginable.

They moved to this big pile and say they live in Oxfordshire. Err... no they don't! The postcode tells different!

We've got room for a pony but only if it doesn't want to turn round.

John Betjeman parodied this behaviour in his poem "Pass the fish knives, Norma." If you don't know it, it sums up Hyacinth Bucket and her ilk beautifully and is very funny.

"I'm not going unless there's an en-suite"

Slightly ashamed to say that was me 😅😂🙈