AIBU to ask for your real life Hyacinth Bucket quotes

[JustAGirlScotland]

Went to a Christmas fair with my mum at the weekend.

She spotted some Norwegian style Christmas napkins that she liked. Passed them to me and asked, "Are these 3 ply? I will not buy napkins that are less than 3 ply".

It really made me laugh and I wondered if others have Hyacinth style quotes from friends/family?

My inlaws tell a funny story about one of their friends when they got together.

When MIL talked of future PIL, and said that he was doing pharmacy at university and his parents own several chemist shops, her friend said "Oh, I look forward to meeting him. I've never met anyone in trade before."

Same! I grew up without a TV (well, after my parent´s divorce there was occasional TV at my father´s. But an exceedingly small selection of pre-approved programs, particularly nature shows).

There are advantages to this approach. But there are a lot of cultural references (and potentially bonding opportunities) I was excluded from...

These are great! 😅

Towards the end of our wedding we were due to have pizzas as a snack. We were writing the schedule for guests and my DMIL insisted that we change "pizza" to "stonebaked wood-fired sourdough pizza" lest her friends think we're getting Domino's or the like and decide not to turn up...

When I worked as a waitress in a pub, a customer complained his white wine was too cold.

Now I know these days that fine wines can sometimes be served too cold, but this was a bottle of plonk from a pub fridge. This guy had form too, he had two green grocer's shops and thought he was a cut above. He was a total wanker whenever he came in and a right ugly fucker as well.

Our local Tesco fits that description. It’s in the centre of town whereas the Asda to the west of town has a much posher clientele with only a couple of women in their 40s wearing pjs mid afternoon.

Wasn't Nigella joking? Surely she was joking..

I’m really enjoying this thread @JustAGirlScotland. Thank you for starting it!

My Mum has a friend who is just like Hyacinth. She regularly invites friends over for coffee mornings or lunches to show off her various lovely bone china tea sets. She loves gardening and Mum says that the flowers all point in the same direction as they wouldn’t dare to disobey her!

Before she retired, she worked in a bank for many years. One day the bank was robbed and Mum’s friend had a gun pointed at her. Instead of just handing over the money, she told the gunman off for using bad language while her manager was shouting ‘just hand it over!’.

Are you my neighbour whose approx four year old has a tantrum for sushi?

She was.

My ex, who like his dad thought they were upper class even though everyone knew they only lived in their nice house as it was an inheritance and they were skint as they mortgaged it !
We used to see this girl about town and he’d say “oh it’s my dads secretary” when actually she was on more than his dad and he got fired soon after for taking the piss.
They hung fox heads on the wall of this small bungalow and my ex has changed his surname on fb to a triple barrelled name- his surname, his mother’s maiden surname and his other nans surname. Plonker
He also used to tell people his scar on his leg was from a shark bite in South Africa- it was exzema.

My mother once wanted to make a Christmas cake from a Delia Smith recipe which included brandy, and as we didn't have alcohol in the house, made my dad buy a quarter bottle from the local offie as she couldn't face the thought of being seen to buy spirits or possibly risk anyone she knew/one of her cronies from church etc seeing her going into such a place and speculating about her.

Cake forks just make cake the event it should be!

I knew a woman who married a very genial Mr Dickoff. Unfortunate perhaps but he had heard all the jokes before and couldn't care less. She however, insisted on it being pronounced 'Dytche-Coe' to, as you can imagine, much amusement.

I'd have kept my maiden name, even though I hate it.

Eating a squidgy chocolate cake or slice of gateau with a cake fork is one of life's pleasures.

Eating with my hands is one of my life's pleasures. Massive Scooby burgers, slices of pizza, scooping up curry with a chapati.

Eating a cake with a fork I would do in public but most of the time I want to pick it up. Sometimes I give up and do just that as the stupid little fork is so annoying.

Not quite but a story my mam always loved to tell.

When I was a kid in the early 90s we where on holiday to Blackpool and there was a street vendor (one of those blankets on the floor with a cardboard handwritten sign types) with a 6 foot boa constrictor selling photos of you holding the snake.

So we got a photo done, I stepped up and he draped the snake over my shoulders and a women in the poshest accent right behind my mam leaned over and said 'I wouldn't let near my child, it looks slimey'. My mam replied 'don't worry snakes aren't slimey, they have a soft smooth feel to the touch' and the woman turned up her nose and confidently replied 'I was talking about the man not the snake' then walked off.

Yes, she was. Nigella is the very opposite of Hyacinth Bucket, very comfortable and secure upper middle class.

Can we add Nigella for pronouncing it 'Mee-crow-wav-ay' 🙄

I thought Nigella was just copying the Swedish Chef on The Muppets.

We have always called my Great Aunt Mrs Bucket / Bouquet
She’s in a home now but used to do a lot of socializing and cruises she would go on the cruise with her Dh and some friends and she would always drop into the conversation “you know which friend the doctor lives in the rather large bungalow in xyz they have a swimming pool you know”
She’ll be 97 next month and still has the quirks of Hyacinth

I think she must have meant the Popty Ping... sounds a lot like mee-crow-warv-ay.

That's just normal food. Get over yourself! Nothing remotely middle class (or upper) about liking olives.

A few years ago,I lived in my home town (I moved away about 8 years ago)

Anyway,I grew up in a mixed area-walk up the road,and you have the large,posh houses (I'll call it A area) ,down the road and its all council (B area) and go a bit further down and its a mix (thats where I grew up and ill call it C area)

I saw a fb post from a woman I went to school with (I think she was trying to flog something)

She lives slap bang in the middle of 'B area'

Post reads 'X for sale £30 no offers A area no delivery'

It's like she's not realised that someone will ask to buy it and she's going to have to give her real address which is about half a mile from the posh bit and a lot closer to C area!

Everyone who knows her took the piss but she stood by it (dunno if she flogged her item)

I did laugh at myself in Sainsburys the other day as I shouted up the aisle to DD who was browsing at the other end “Darling what kind of brioche did you say you wanted?”

We fostered a little boy a few years ago who came from an awful background. After having been with us a couple of months he loudly announced in the playground that he would like smoked salmon and quiche for tea!!