Birthday meet: would you say no

[MumEeeee]

My dd invited a few friends out for her birthday.

One couldn’t attend due to a family event, and another said she wouldn’t be coming as she didn’t like the activity.

Dd was a bit upset that the girl wasn’t willing to go for the sake of a birthday. It was bowling, so not an extreme sport or anything. No one involved is any good at bowling, it’s just a venue where they could sit and chat and move around in the warm. Our local one is quiet too, no big noises etc. No one really would care if one of them just drank a few drinks and chatted whilst the other two played if need be.

Since it was now only two of them we agreed to change the activity to a less group based one, something a bit more expensive and a treat for the two going.

Mum of the girl going is very good friends with the one who RSVPed no, based on not liking bowling.

The mum who said no has now text saying her dd will be at the new party and can come, as this is something she does enjoy. The exact words of her original text were ‘I spoke to xxxx. xxxx doesn’t like bowling, so she wouldn’t be going to DD’s birthday’ now she says ‘xxx was pleased to hear you are now going to….. she loves it there! She will be there on the 26th, is drop off ok or shall I stay’

I’m a bit resentful tbh and so is Dd. It’s her birthday, not an activity for this child’s sake. I guess she’s also a bit dominating. It will cost me more than intended plus I will have to change the food.

Would you be gracious? I’m pretty much about to reply ‘no, you RSVPed some time ago and we have since made alternative plans’. This will probably cause upset between both mums who think it’s reasonable what is going on. So, on balance, would you swallow your annoyance for peace or stand your ground???

That's a bit uncalled for, for the other mum to get involved as she didn't know the full story I assume.

My God, what an update. It gives me no pleasure at all to have been right that CF mum tried to sabotage the whole thing when her precious wasn’t immediately reinvited. I bet they don’t take you up on the booking for the activity since - surprise - they would have to pay.

Sounds like your daughter is a mature, level headed girl to have shrugged off this pathetic behaviour. Hope you enjoy your day together.

I know you don't want to get into tit for tat OP and you are behaving with dignity, but I'd have to message both to say this has occurred because the others have made it about what they would prefer and not what the birthday girl originally chose.

When my kid was young I was thrilled with every invite he got.

You are great parents doing absolutely right by your girl

@MumEeeee that's really shit of both parents and I would be giving them a body swerve from now on. Your poor daughter. You sound fab though and saved the day...

Who behaves like that?

Jeez what an update! Seriously how do people think it's acceptable to behave like that? I had a school mum friend when my youngest was at primary who was a bit precious about her son, would be chewing a wasp if he didn't get a party invite/lead role in a play etc. I thought she was horrendous, but she's nothing compared to this lot!

Well done for handling it the way you have!

How awful and tainting your dd’s birthday. Hope she has a lovely birthday.

FFS people are twats sometimes. I’d say I hope they both feel really bad about it now, but I’m guessing they won’t see they’ve done a thing wrong.

I would just send a nice text back explaining that dd really wanted to do bowling and as it was her birthday that’s what she wanted. Unfortunately as xxxx declined to come we had no choice to change it and as it was just 2 of them now something else had to be chosen so it was decided to do xxx which is a bit more expensive but the same cost for 2 as bowling is for 4. I am sorry xxx decided not to put a friend first on her birthday and go to bowling just to chat even, but I can’t afford to pay for xxxx and it’s unfair on dd that we have had to change plans from what she actually wanted to do and xxxx now wants to come. I am only taking the 2. Obviously if you want to take and bring home and pay for xxxxx at the same time we are there that’s up to you.

As an aside xxxx had to learn we do things we don’t always like because that’s what friends do

There might be understandable reasons why the girl didn't want to go bowling eg worried about being the weakest player, not wanting to be centre of attention at any point etc

I think it's a bit harsh to exclude her if she was previously invited and the activity is now something that she would enjoy

not harsh,
she was rude but to then say she wanted to go to a different event was very rude.

What a rude little shit.

Hopefully your dd stays clear of these 2 and their awful mothers.

Then let them bloody pay!!

dear cheeky mum, I booked bowling for 5 kids as it was within my budget. I changed it to expensive activity for 3 kids based on your dd and other girl declining. I am sorry but I am unable to afford the more expensive activity for more kids than Alice Betty and Clare.

if she then offers to pay - let her !!

real rich people don’t brag about money or flash it. I expect they have everything on credit.

who cares anywya if she has more money than you. She certainly doesn’t have any manners.

Oh and her dd is horrible saying she wouldn’t go as it’s bowling. She wouldn’t have had to bowl and she could have sucked it up as it was your dds birthday. Stampy feet madam

Wow do people really behave like this in real life?! I guess the rude mum is the self appointed queen bee, and the second mum is her sycophant - how embarrassing for them! Well done for not giving into their madness OP!

I wish your daughter a lovely birthday, OP. She sounds much too mature and nice for these 2 girls. I hope she'll move away from their orbit and find better friends.

Gosh - I'm often horrified at the behaviour I read about on MN, but this is a new low. The selfish, mean, entitled, bratty behaviour and sheer insensitivity of some people, parents as well as children, is really depressing.

I'm old, and my mum would have told me off for saying I 'didn't like bowling' int his context. She'd have said it wasn't about me, and that I should put my friend first on her birthday. Children might behave selfishly, sure, but when they're backed up by awful parents....

What a CF.

I'd say, "We changed the activity because we didn't have enough participants for bowling. I've had to increase the budget to do something nice for my daughter's birthday which is suitable for only two children and to make up for the disappointment that your daughter didn't want to come when it was only bowling. If your daughter comes along now, not only does that increase the cost still further which I can ill afford at this time of year, but it will send a really harmful message to my daughter that her birthday isn't worth celebrating for its own sake, only when the activity itself is appealing. We are only in this situation because your daughter refused to go bowling, which is really quite spoilt and unkind. The answer is no, and im quite surprised that you would even assume she is still invited. Maybe next time she'll be more grateful for a birthday invitation."

I'm so shocked by their response, it definitely confirms you made the right choice! Some people have absolutely no boundaries or manners. They are teaching their kids to be the same too based on the girl saying she'd been disinvited. I'm so glad your dd is ok with it too! Well done for standing up to that crap!

Neither of these girls are really your DD's friends Op and frankly your DD doesn't need people like that around her. Stick to your guns and ignore their DM's, CFs to be sure

She could have just sat and watched.