Birthday meet: would you say no

[MumEeeee]

My dd invited a few friends out for her birthday.

One couldn’t attend due to a family event, and another said she wouldn’t be coming as she didn’t like the activity.

Dd was a bit upset that the girl wasn’t willing to go for the sake of a birthday. It was bowling, so not an extreme sport or anything. No one involved is any good at bowling, it’s just a venue where they could sit and chat and move around in the warm. Our local one is quiet too, no big noises etc. No one really would care if one of them just drank a few drinks and chatted whilst the other two played if need be.

Since it was now only two of them we agreed to change the activity to a less group based one, something a bit more expensive and a treat for the two going.

Mum of the girl going is very good friends with the one who RSVPed no, based on not liking bowling.

The mum who said no has now text saying her dd will be at the new party and can come, as this is something she does enjoy. The exact words of her original text were ‘I spoke to xxxx. xxxx doesn’t like bowling, so she wouldn’t be going to DD’s birthday’ now she says ‘xxx was pleased to hear you are now going to….. she loves it there! She will be there on the 26th, is drop off ok or shall I stay’

I’m a bit resentful tbh and so is Dd. It’s her birthday, not an activity for this child’s sake. I guess she’s also a bit dominating. It will cost me more than intended plus I will have to change the food.

Would you be gracious? I’m pretty much about to reply ‘no, you RSVPed some time ago and we have since made alternative plans’. This will probably cause upset between both mums who think it’s reasonable what is going on. So, on balance, would you swallow your annoyance for peace or stand your ground???

I'm quite direct so would probably say something like 'Ahh what happened to birthday parties being about the birthday girl eh? 😂Sorry but this new plan is to accommodate a smaller-than-planned group, DD was pretty gutted the bowling got cancelled so I'm going to stick with the arrangement we've now sorted out. See you on [not the 26th]!"

I'd want to say "gosh sorry, when Amelia declined and it was just Amy who wanted to celebrate with Lucy I changed it to something suited to just those two. I'm not in a position to change the booking".

but would Amelia talk Amy's mom into cancelling too meaning you DD is left with no one? If so I'd say "oh I can't afford for the he three, Amelia did say no to celebrating with us but how about X?" and find a cheaper similar option

Hey OP did you get a response?

I would be very slow to reply to this, let the cheeky brazen mother and daughter think about what they have done for a bit, then I would reply and say really sorry but you only budgeted for 3/4, so not possible this time, also that food is only arranged for 3/4 , if this excuse isn’t suitable make another one up,
This child is spoilt and needs to learn a lesson, her mother is also a bad example to her

I would say "Actually we agreed on this activity after your DD said she is not going as it was more feasible to take 2 as it is more expensive. The plan is for DD, friend and friend to go after your DD couldn't make it."

Just be honest "Sorry I think there has been some confusion. Due to your DD and X not coming, the original activity wasn't suitable so we changed it to X as there were only 2 of them. If more than 2 attend then we would have to do something else for affordability."

This is better

An "oh so sorry, I thought your daughter couldn't make it so booked for just 2. Does your daughter fancy coming round for tea and a film on the xxx instead?"

you can't take her to the new activity as it will just annoy you

The point should be about celebrating Dd birthday not just going to the activity they fancy and maybe this will teach them both a lesson even if the child is 10.
The mother could have encouraged her to go bowling.

An update: I got a pushy reply back basically saying it could be for 3 ‘if you wanted it to be’. Totally ignored the alternative invite 🙄

I’m not going to get in a text war. I’ve clearly stated about being for two, and she’s ignored the idea of coming round.
nothing to say so ignoring it!

What a CF! Well done for standing your ground, OP

Well done you. Rather her having to explain the consequences of her and her daughters inconsiderate actions than you consoling your daughter for having her birthday bulldozed.

^

I'd text back as X and Y couldn't make the bowling DD chose only she and one other were attending so I used the full budget to buy 2 tickets for DD and A to go. Maybe you could meet up for a hot drink afterwards.

That would annoy me even more than the earlier text! Stand firm OP.

Absolutely ignore her response, she sounds like a complete ignoramus who clearly Dosen’t understand the issue, no wonder her daughter is the way she is

Hope your daughter enjoys her birthday

Text the fucker back- clearly my daughters birthday didnt mean that much to friends name, otherwise you would have made allowances for the fact that daughter loves bowling. we can no longer accommodate friends name and have made plans with other friends name.

I bet she just turns up on the 26th

Please please please text her back just saying - we dont. You'll be my hero!

@MumEeeee well done I would be livid...the sensible thing to do is nothing now. Let her stew.

She sounds like she's your daughter's friend only when it's convenient. I'd stick to your new plan and tell her no.

Just reply "maybe next time" and leave it at that. Cheeky F.

We can see where the daughter gets her rudeness from 😳

That's shocking!

I'd either ignore completely, or reply along the lines of: "I can't extend it to 3 for various reasons; would XX like to get together with DD to (repeat previous suggestion)?"

I'm more the passive type but I'd be angry about this. How rude!
I'd be tell the mum there are only 2 places booked, except if your DD really wants this girl to attend.

I love the “maybe next time” and leave it at that. How fucking cheeky