Self centered daughter

[Mandy63]

My daughter is 34 years old and transgender ( born male) the reason I mention this is I'm not sure if it has anything to do with her attitude.
I'm also not sure if she is on the autism spectrum or if I'm just looking for something to prove she's not just self absorbed
2 years ago she moved in with her new partner and everything seemed fine.
About a month ago her partner came to me and said that my daughter was driving her mad. Not helping around the house, leaving cups and plates in the bedroom and even leaving her partner to look after my granddaughter when she went to stay.
They have since split and her partner has moved out. My daughter cannot afford the rent on her own and has an eviction notice. I found out today that the rent is due again in 2 days and she doesn't have it.
She has known for a few weeks that she needs to look for somewhere to live, go to the council, start packing etc. None of which she has done. Finally today she went to the council but has to wait for an appointment
Knowing how urgent things are and obviously being worried about her I took the afternoon off work and asked her to come round. Oh no she couldn't do that as she couldn't face doing anything else today and had plans with a friend.
I was so angry with her I'm afraid she received a very curt txt and also one from her older brother who saw how upset it made me.
At the moment I'm leaving her to it, she's 34 with a 10 yr old daughter and needs to start to grow up
Should I stay out of it and let her either sink or swim?

Obviously you can be a mother without physically giving birth to a child. For example, you can adopt a child and be their mother so I think it’s wrong for people to question how OPs daughter could be this child’s mother.

I don’t think there’s much you can do at this stage @Mandy63 beyond being there for your daughter when she does eventually feel able to face the facts of her financial position. I think she will have to be evicted and technically homeless before the council will rehome her.

@SweetFemaleAttitude and @YouJustDoYou as someone who's worked in housing and has never seen this could you evidence your claims please?

Just curious as most trans homeless people struggle to access hostel accommodation as where I live womens shelters exclude them and mens are unsafe for them. So the majority couch surf or sleep rough so I'm genuinely fascinated where you've drawn this from??

Absolutely not the mother

I know a transwoman who is still described as her daughter's father

You are joking? There are around 125,000 homeless children in the UK and far more at the threat if homelessness.
I have literally begged ss to get involved with some homeless children who have disclosed serious abuse and even then it can be hard.
At best they will be housed in a shitty hotel for a.couple of years if not deemed intentionally homeless.

Ultimately all you can do here is step back and wait for the walls to fall

Are you in a position to take them in? Do you think that's what your daughter is expecting?

And yes as a transperson they would be considered more vunerable and would be considered a priority

I'd be most worried about stability for your grandchild in all this. Does your grandaughter live with her mum most of the time but with your daughter at weekends? If so I agree your daughter needs to get her act together asap re housing if she wants her daughter to continue to stay with her. Is your daughter working?

What is strange is this insistence that people can change somehow sex.

The mother of a child is the one who has given birth, or, if a child is adopted/ fostered, the female parent.

Changing "gender" doesn't alter biological sex, no matter how much people might want it too.

Because that is who he is!

(see also Freddie McConnell, who despite legal wrangling is the mother of two children, a truth the judge made abundantly clear in their summing up)

Bingo

Exactly!

He's the FATHER. Biology. Sex, sperm, impregnation., Fathers are not mothers, mothers are not fathers. Time to come back through the looking glass.

I have to say my working knowledge of social services is very poor . that's an obscene number. I really don't get how things can be allowed to be so dismal.

Sorry trying to keep thread short as possible. Grandaughter lives with her Mum and visits daughter twice a week. No concerns about her at all except my daughter losing her relationship through lack of effort 😞

Grandaughter is safe and lives with her Mum and new husband. Only visits daughter twice a week

My daughter is the father, married and had child before transitioning to female. Apologies for confusion

Where is your DGD's Mum? This is key I think to what you do.

Sorry cross posts. I'd leave your DD to it and learn from her own mistakes.

Let the biological mother look after and support the granddaughter. Your adult child is old enough to support him/herself.

Sometimes people have to fall before they sort themselves out.

It's hard to put everything in the original post. My annoyance comes from the fact that time and time again she doesn't prioritize things like finding somewhere to live or entertaining her daughter. I suppose I'm just as annoyed with myself for keep doing it. But as a mum it's hard not to.
But the way I feel at the moment, even after sleeping on it I may be ready to take a step back

This I think. You don’t need to do anything, just leave her to it.

I voted YABU because I thought it was a bit controlling to take the day off and demand she come over - I’m not seeing you’d be asked for help?

She does sound self centred though, and her partner was right to complain. Glad the grandchild is OK and living with their Mum, but obviously I’m sure could do with your Dd stepping up more.

Does she work?

Your Dd I mean - does your Dd work

It doesn't, but it guaranteed a certain slew of posters making huge assumptions that it does. MN Bingo.

Why would you want this waste of space, poor excuse for a parent anywhere near your granddaughter?

If she's safe with her mum and step-father then let them get on with their best stable happy lives.

Yeah step back. Put your effort's into the relationship with your grandchild.