Partner not wanting to split household bills

[mum1010219]

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

Surprised there hasn't been more replies saying you should be working more if you want another baby and support the one you have.

When introducing a new parent figure to a very young child’s life that person should be non-problematic. Because they get no choice in the matter.

Anything less than that and you’re putting your love life above your young child.

By all means date all the bad boys and make all the dating mistakes you want. A lot of us have and no judgement for that. But keep it separate from your child. There’s no rush to move in with anyone until you know it’s right and this sounds far from it.

Enjoy your life and your child whilst they are young as you won’t get that back. Without a dickhead causing drama.

Why are you trying for a baby with a man you don't even live with? And what makes you think he'll be a good step dad if he won't even split bills?

Time to re-evaluate your choices. You are showing some very poor decision making here. Maybe you're depressed being a single mum so soon and desperate for a relationship but you need to snap out of it.

Why would you want to have a baby with someone before living together ? That's when the true person comes out and started already for you it seems. Why try for another baby when just getting in to funded childcare position ? What happens on future days out when he buys his own future child everything under the son yet begrudges your child ? Bills are bills building a life together is exactly that he doesn't sound like he will include your son

I think only you know the answer to this based on your interactions with him. Is he moving in to your place and will your overall share of bills go down.

my perspective is slightly different, after quite often being the higher earner in relationships I now won’t date men with kids as I don’t like the fact that I am quite often ending up financially supporting their children.

yes he’ll he using your internet - but that cost won’t go up- council tax will not go up by double, neither will electricity or gas (with standing charges etc). So I get that you are saying your child won’t be a third of expenses, but you will be better of financially with him moving in and I completely understand that he wants a relationship with you- not to pay for another man’s child until he and you chose to make him a step parent figure

…..may aswell spend the time while he's young with him before he gets funded hours and I can up hours at work…..
so how are you going to work if you have another baby????
Honestly OP are you right in the head?. You want a child with a man you haven’t even lived with and clearly dont know that well and arnt even married?
I guess if it all goes tits up the good old tax payer will pick up the bill.

I don’t see how you can even cover 50% of bills if you are only working 1 day per week. get rid.

🤦🏻‍♀️ What on earth are you thinking...?!?
Do not have a child with this horrible man.

He's already made it clear that he doesn't view your child as part of the family.

Imagine how your son will feel when it's clear that his own mum is happy to see him treated as second best for the rest of his life when the new golden child is born.

Do you actually care about your son or are you more bothered about having a man around?

Hrft.
Get rid.

So he moves in and won’t pay for any bills or rent? Why would you even consider this? So basically, because you have a son, your new DP gets to be a free lodger?

But the other thing I don’t understand is how you’re able to support yourself already working only part time.

I might have missed something but I’m really confused.

Guess big child maintenance.

do not move in with him, you are managing financially on your own. and obviously do not have a baby

what happens when you're on mat leave and he won't cover any costs for you son, how would you manage.

Marry him first (I bet he wont) ot even better find a better man.

It said he doesn’t want to go 50:50 based on 2 individuals versus 1; not that he doesn’t want to pay anything?

She’s going to do it isn’t she? Move in with him, have a baby, have another baby. Come back on here in a few years time……

Nope nope. He doesn’t want your son as part of his family unit. Don’t do this to your son.

You are trying for a baby with a man this mean? Who you've not even lived with? You're already a single mother to a child, you want to be a single mother to two?

Why?

The funding next year is irrelevant to you being able to work more, if you've got another child.

Crazy!

I get why he wouldn’t want to pay 50:50 as you and your son are 2/3 of the household have you broached the possibility of him paying 1/3 of the bills.

This is asking for trouble op

He doesn't see your son, his step son as his responsibility. This will breed resentment and unkindness and inequality if you were to have a baby together, and that would do a lot of damage .

Don't do it. I would not move in together . It will cause long term damage .

Then when she has the baby they can go to 50/50 , her paying for her child, him paying for the baby, because that is how families work isn’t it!

Don’t move in or have a baby with this man. He is not a partner or good stepfather for your child.

If you move into a house with someone who has a child, especially if that person is on a low wage and claiming benefits of any sort, then the government will assume you are taking financial responsibilty in that household. The person claiming benefits will have them reduced accordingly. Op how can you possibly fund 50% let alone 100% of your household bills if you only have the income of one day's work? Have you actually thought about it, properly?

I really hate the language used to describe the totally powerless children in these situations - ‘Another woman/man’s child’ - to excuse what is fairly shitty behaviour from grown adults.

A man earning 4 times that of his new girlfriend saying he won’t pay 50/50 on bills because a 3 year old lives in the house is not asserting himself because he’s being used as a meal ticket for ‘another man’s child’, he’s a money grubbing cocklodger and has no business trying to set up home with a single mother.

👏 👏

Or having another child with here and vice versa!

If this is the start then the ending will be a big blow to the op. He might only want to have a baby with her and then go. In regards to money she'll cope how she always has done.