AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

[JustKeepSwimmingAlong]

I’ve taken my kids swimming tonight, both have separate swimming lessons and I swam with one while the other had theirs. Eldest is male, 9 and has multiple additional needs including ADHD, ASD and some physical disabilities which means he struggles to change himself. Youngest is in nursery so can dress herself but does need supervision. We got out the pool and realised all the changing rooms were full. There were 8 classes on over multiple pools, as well as general swim on at the same time. There’s only two family/accessible changing rooms and the others are all individual. There were literal queues for the large changing rooms.
I then noticed people going out of the group change. I’ve not used it before, but there was a male and a female changing room, so we went in the females. There was no one in it so started laying out the kids clothes and getting them to shower. Got them out the showers and started to get them dressed and people started coming in. There were a couple of mums with young girls and boys, and then a teenager looking girl came in by herself. She immediately came over to tell me that we were in the female room. I explained my son needed help getting changed and the changing rooms were full, but this room had been empty so we’d used it rather than standing wet and cold waiting for a changing room.
We were nearly Finished and my son was fully dressed when she arrived. He sat next to me, facing the wall and we left within a few minutes. During this time, she did get changed, so we didn’t delay her. Now I’m wondering if I was unreasonable?
I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I really don’t know what else I could have done in the situation? There’s too many classes and too few changing rooms, and we need a larger/accessible one, but they’re the only ones with baby change so they’re really
Popular. The lessons are every week so now I’m wondering what I can do next week? Would I be unreasonable to keep using the group change if there are no other options available?

Wouldn’t bother me at all. Do what’s best to keep your son safe.

@Leah5678 What about 9 year old girls trying to change? or girls just getting puberty? They should be happy to naked in front of a boy? Because the little darling can’t wait in a queue for an individual cubicle?

Your son doesn’t get to come into female spaces. Male violence isn’t women’s problem to solve. Women and girls do not need to budge up for you to swan in with your son. Go somewhere else. I very much hope you are removed any time you try to do this. Someone needs to teach your son that women and girls deserve boundariesz

You should’ve waited for an appropriate space. I also don’t like the fact that this girl has advocated for herself and you have ignored her very legitimate concerns and put her in a situation where she is uncomfortable.

Yes I’m highlighting that OPs solution isn’t a good idea for her vulnerable disabled child. I think you’ve misunderstood my post.

As I've already said on this thread about three times now I got changed in the men's with my dad till I was 10 maybe even 11. I was SURROUNDED by males so I think you should be able to handle a small number of nine year old boys😂
Honestly it's a non issue I've only ever seen people get their panties in a twist about parents keeping their kids safe by not letting them go into a changing room alone on Mumsnet

You shouldn't have to though.

How is this relevant?

You shouldn't have been in that situation and neither should the men using that space tbh.

Nobody has mentioned him being a pervert, except the posters accusing others of apparently doing that.

No, it does not.

@Leah5678 just because your father took you into inappropriate places doesn't make it right. My DDs haven't been in male changing facilities since they were 7. Mixture of own choice and their father realising it was inappropriate. Their father is a Youth group leader, so more knowledgeable about safeguarding than the average person.

But it bothered a teenage girl who tried to speak up to advocate for herself and was ignored.

They're not 'my rules'.
Your son is not more important than the females in the female only space.

Yabu

It isn't 'nothing', stop trying to erode women's rights.

A better response would have been to suggest she waited til the room was empty and apologise for the inconvenience.

As I’ve said up thread the real risk is to the young male disabled child.

A better response would have been to think about how inappropriate it was to even consider taking the male child in the female changing area.
There is nothing that justifies this.

It's not just risk. I don't feel comfortable getting dressed in front of a male child. It's probably reasonable to suggest he doesn't feel comfortable too

...and as many others have said, allowing ANY male (over the age which most people accept is ok, so up to about 8) risks eroding women's rights even more than they are already being eroded. There were other options, but the mother chose to make her male child priority in a female only space.

Exactly, a few females not being bothered by it doesn't mean we ignore those who are, and the actual rules!

You ignored my question. What about young girls? If you walked in a there were girls from your son’s school naked, what wound you do?

It shouldn’t have happened to you. The men around you shouldn’t have been in that position. The young boys around you shouldn’t have been in that position. It was very wrong of your dad to take you in there. Just as it is very wrong for you to be doing it. And people don’t complain because they are too scared of aggression whilst they are in a vulnerable state and an enclosed space with you.

And maybe those men felt really uncomfortable?

Of course they did, and it wouldn't take much for a random glance/vacant look into space, scanning around for a cubicle/locker, walking past to get their stuff, a conversation (not even involving the child) to be turned into some sort of accusation. Children of the opposite sex, unless fairly young, are not allowed in communal opposite sex changing (or even some with cubicles within the communal area) for good reason.

I'll respond to your question but then I have to go. You realise they are already getting changed together for pe at school right?
First time we had separate spaces was secondary school so aged 11 this was 2012 so not long ago. Maybe times have changed in the last ten years or it was different at your school who knows. But that's how things were at my school and so I assume most other schools.

@Leah5678 you must realise that getting changed for PE isn't the same as getting changed for swimming though, unless you swim with your underwear on?