To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

Neglectful? The baby is being cared for in a proper childcare setting, it's shameful and insulting to suggest this is neglect.

Wow ! Maybe the mother needed some respite , maybe she didn’t want to leave her baby there but had no choice & was sad too.
. Shame on the nursery too for discussing this child with you and on you for passing judgement

More mother bashing. Mind your own business. You do you.

So when you say we all know some people dump their kids in childcare when they don't need to... I just want to gently test this, as whilst I know the Daily Mail will tell us there are millions of careless parents who do just this... I've never actually met one?

I grew up in a very poor part of the country and know a lot of teen mums, parents with addiction issues, unemployed etc. All of them love their children and would die for them and don't want to be parted from them.

I now have a good job, live in a yummy mummy affluent area, know a lot of millionaires, (even a few billionaires). All of them love their children and would die for them and don't want to be parted from them.

Sure, some people might have granny or a nanny or three on hand to help out, but honestly I have never, ever met a person who genuinely didn't care and wanted to hand their baby over for an easy life. Maybe I have just been lucky enough not to have met any but my instinct is they are very few and far between x

1. I didn’t
2. Your right not to have your childcare choices judged would never outweigh my responsibility to speak up for a baby.

Putting a baby in a childcare facility that’s legally allowed to take them is not child abuse.

@comfysketchers - so not only are you judging, you're gossiping with the staff as well. Well Done OP. Really.

I agree OP.

It should be okay to say that having a society in which this is necessary for the mother or normalised is not good.

In China they have boarding nurseries. Should we not criticise those either? I don't criticise the desperate mothers who use them but I do criticise a society which has created a need for them.

I also criticise a society which won't tolerate any consideration of the child in discussions like these. There is a living, human child here and their needs should be able to be discussed too, without such a pile on.

I'd like to live in a society where no mother has to do this.

That's not intended to judge the mother, I'm sure she is making the best decision for her family that she can, but it is to state that no 7 week old infant benefits from being separated from his mum and it should only happen in cases of extremis.

It makes me sad too, OP. Society should respect the mother/baby dyad much more than we do. We should respect maternity much more than we do. Some woman is out there at work with leaking breasts, no sleep, probably still got a painful vulva and can't fit into her work clothes. That makes me very sad, she deserves better from us.

I read that if we "get it right" for the first thousand days the infant grows into a capable adult, why would we not pour resources into making sure that happens? Paid maternity leave, breastfeeding and sleep support, birth injury management, new mum groups, creches where mum can get a break, someone paid to visit the home to support if mum is struggling, extra support if baby or mum is disabled or unwell.

We'd save money in the long run.

I would feel sad too, for the whole family. I wouldn't start a thread on SM and I wouldn't call it neglect.
I agree with PP that it is a sad state of affairs when parents feel they have to do this.
I despair at people who feel the need to virtue-signal that they have empathy for a baby ( only a cunt wouldn't, quite frankly) but fail to see the bigger picture.

‘You do you’ Jesus. None of you seem to have any sense of collective responsibility towards the vulnerable.

if we all had that attitude we’d still have child labour and forced marriage.

yes, there may be circumstances beyond the mothers control but that doesn’t make it right.

I'm amazed how you seem to know so much about a complete stranger.

Either the staff are exchanging things with you that are personal and that's a breach of information or you are just making assumptions.

Yes it's sad that a baby can't be looked by mum, but it does come across as a judgement of mum and that's very unfair. I hope she doesn't get all other mums giving pitting or dirty looks.

Because everything that was once legal was morally ok.

I worry about children who are being neglected, abused, live with unfit parents. I see it at work all the time.

I don’t worry about children who are in appropriate childcare and are getting looked after.

That's your opinion. It's not mine.

You know it’s possible for two things to be bad at the same time

What a horrible judgey thread. I’m ashamed to read it, or see a woman judge another woman like this and a few posters egging her on.

for all you know this woman may have pnd, she may have an illness that means she struggles, there is a thousand reasons she may have to put her child in nursery for a few hours a day.

Can’t vote because although, in an ideal world, it would be better for a 7 week old not to be in childcare for significant periods of time I can think of several reasons why this might be the only option so there needs to be a “best not to judge when you don’t know” option.

When DD started nursery at 8 months a 6 week old was there for a lot of the time. Her Mum had cancer and was having chemo and Dad was working and looking after older children. They were doing their absolute best for their family in a shit situation. I last saw them when the baby was 4, she was gorgeous, completely adored and part of a lovely family.

And yes there absolutely will be people who think it’s terrible parenting to send a 15 month old to nursery and completely judge you (and if you’re the mother it will be you) for doing it.

Also, this is not so extraordinary. Many working mums had little choice before the government supported longer maternity leave.

Where is the research that evidence the significant traumatic outcomes for children in very early childcare?

Aye you did. And continue to equate the two And to use your own words its 'fucking awful'.

And you can leave my childcare choices out of it.

Your opinion is that because the mother may have no choice there is no damage being done?

thats deeply irrational.

Of course it's very young hut obviously the mum knows this & won't help her anxiety having others judge her. May not get paid leave, could be self employed etc..Was it the mum? Maybe SW or another relative, mum might be unwell....who knows the circumstances. Not helpful to be gossiping with staff about it either

That's exactly what I was thinking. Self employed, need the money and can't afford to loose business or have clients going elsewhere.

Bet its not what mum would want either. She must be exhausted.

A child in appropriate childcare is not “bad”. And nowhere in the same level as abuse.

Maybe you should report nurseries to the care commission if you feel it’s abusive that they take young babies?

Go back 20 years in the UK and this wasn't unusual.

I had to be actively seeking work from when my DC was 6 weeks old.