To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

Reported this post. How sad to judge this woman without knowing her circumstances

Apologies for a tangent>>

So I get all the fourth trimester stuff. Experienced it with my own kid who wouldn't be physically off my body for his first 12 weeks, so I know it's true (well... ish... my second born was in ICU away from me for weeks and is totally fine, great mental health and outcomes but I get the principle).

If you wanted to be scientific about it, you'd compare adult outcomes in a place like USA where daycare from teeny-tiny, a few weeks old is really common, vs places in Europe where a lot of mat leave and one to one is standard.

I don't know that the instances of poor mental health or bad outcomes are higher in the States? Maybe they are? I'd be genuinely curious to see if research existed on this.

Op i get what you mean.

I think while we don’t know the circumstances, it’s also still ok to personally be sad to see that. I personally couldn’t drop a baby off at nursery who was only 7 weeks old.

Completely agree. Obviously you don't know the circumstances but I'd feel sad too. Far too young for the baby to be away from parents

There is no way I would home school a child. full stop.

Can you not follow? I’m saying that the fact that some ppl who were put in nursery at 49 days old say they’re ok doesn’t mean they are ok or that it’s not wrong to do so just as is the case with those who say they were hit as children but unharmed.

as I’m sure you’re aware.

Look I agree we live in a post-Capitalist hellscape which prioritises work over family but maybe that mother didn't have a choice, so judging her on top of the guilt she may already have is just kicking someone when they're down IMO.

Also love the way the OP must've enquired of the staff as to the baby's age because they confirmed they'd never had another one as young.

Don't clutch those pearls too tight, OP.

Yes, 7 weeks is very young but you don't know the circumstances. Also look at it this way, the baby is being well looked after in a place full of trained staff who know how to look after kids ❤

Yes it's awful to see OP, of course our natural instinct is for little ones to be with their mums, however I actually think your child is also too young to be at nursery. 15 months is extremely young and he or she should be at home with you..sorry.

Yes a good point.

Child abuse! That is ridiculous. This is a horrible thread. When my babies were toddlers we had to use nursery 7am-7pm for about a year even though I didn't work. It was horrible being away from them all day 5 days a week but I randomly developed psychosis and needed it.

None of your business, you have absolutely no idea what's going on.

I think there are a lot of studies... Emily Oster in Cribsheet reviewed all of them she could find and the data she found suggested childcare or not childcare was not really a variable in child outcomes if I recall correctly.

People try and do the best for their families and circumstances in like 99% of the time I reckon. What's right for one family isn't right for another.

I think people are massively projecting on this thread. Of course it's not normal or optimal for a 7 week old baby to be in a nursery, for Christ's sake.

TBH in an ideal world ALL young children would be at home with a parent during the early years, but sadly the government makes it impossible for households to survive on one income.

Just to say it again - 49. Days. Old.

there may be reasons why the mother is forced to do this.

But there’s absolutely no reason for us to normalise it or to shame those who think it’s fucking awful for that 49 day old newborn.

So why bring up assaulting children if it has absolutely nothing to do with your point?

It might not be your intention but you are clearly linking the two issues

Most pertinent message on the thread - 'Judge not lest... etc etc'

Everyone always has some shit to say about how you are parenting. Trick is to blocking all the nosey fuckers comments out. That is how to be a happy parent. You, OP, are one of the nosey fuckers. HTH.

If you have children did you work when they were young?

YANBU, but then I wouldn’t leave a child under 3 in the care of someone who wasn’t family so 🤷‍♀️

I have zero memory of my existence before the age of about 5 (and even those memories are hazy). I definitely don't remember being 7 weeks old! The baby will not suffer or feel sad or lonely or whatever emotions you're assuming it'll go through. I imagine the parents, however, might feel some kind of way about dropping the baby off so young. But kids are expensive and they've got bills to pay and now this new mouth to feed.

I'll shame any twat who thinks this is child abuse.

Why says that’s an ideal world? I wanted to work. I wasn’t forced to and I doubt in alone in feeling like that. The government had nothing to do with my choice to work

Its also fucking awful to compare childcare to assault.

Must be nice to have family around to help.

oh my god - yes, I’m linking the attitudes to the two things. And yes, the things are linked in the sense that they both damage children; that some of those children are in denial about that fact; and that their assertions do not change the morality of either the act or the society that allows the act.

When I worked with babies that young they were usually in care and the temporary Foster carers had other children. Never worked with a baby that age in nursery for another reason.

I hope this baby's okay and maybe mum just needs a few hours kip!

It's devastating. There was a little wee lad at my ds nursery who was in a children's home from about 1 and transport drivers collected him. Often he'd follow the other DCs and put his hands out to the mummy's and daddy's taking their kiddos home. Its proper fucking devastating.

A friend of mine is an HCA on a mother and baby ward and she says the absolute worst part of her job is when the baby needs to be removed from mum at birth, she says even when you can tell the mother isn't capable or baby comes out and needs to withdraw from drugs, it breaks everyone on the ward, seeing the birth mum have to leave baby there until a FC becomes available 💔😭