To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

what has immunisations got to do with starting nursery?

Thing is the demographic of this website is such though you will always have some people commenting that this is a terrible, horrible thing that everyone should avoid. That’s because those people have privilege and have themselves never even dreamed of being close to a circumstance where they have anything short of a year off work, or can stay at home altogether.

My opinion is that being left in a high quality childcare setting is better for a baby than being with its mother if:

financially, mother not working means there is no food, clothing or housing
mother's mental or physical health is being hugely negatively impacted
mother is using nursery as a solution to improve/better her life or solve problems
baby would be ignored/neglected because mother is being abused or needs to care for other people.

Those are just a few examples I came up with off the top of my head of when childcare is a better option than being with the mother.

Is it just the mother you're judging? What about the dad? What about when a baby's mother dies in childbirth - is it neglect for the father to look after the baby?

I'm actually astonished that people can be this stupid.

Feeling sad for a baby in childcare is one thing. Judging and blaming the mother with no real information is another.

My mother had to do this with my siblings and I as she was self-employed and the primary breadwinner. They couldn't afford to get by on MA.

Very sad for both mum and baby but sometimes cant be helped

Those things would explain why baby is in nursery, as would many other things, doesn't mean it isn't a bit sad for the baby. They also sound a bit sad for the mum, I mean no one is going to be happy about needing hospital treatment/attending funeral of someone close/needing to care for someone very ill.

It is indeed a pity we don't all live in a perfect world. Do any of us live in a perfect world?

She said it’s a form of neglect. How is that judging the mother?

Oh piss off OP about it being a form of neglect!

Plenty of women have to do this (my mother included) and I’m sure it was rubbish for her but it hasn’t affected ME one bit. Love my parents, stable home blah blah blah. Both my brother and I are fine! There are lousy childcare centers and some newborns regrettably will be placed there but there is nothing inherently neglectful about a child being in childcare and presumably, since you send your previous darling to this one, it’s not awful.

You have absolutely no idea what the reasons are behind this. Its really easy to judge but you don't have any information to base it on.

I am really surprised that the staff were discussing this with you. How unprofessional of them. Are you not concerned about what they are sharing about you and your child with others?

Yes, but OP was very clear that she thinks the mum is at fault with her lengthy reminder that maternity benefits are good where they are.

Don’t be so judgy

I'm really not sure of the point you're trying to make?

I've clearly stated that if OP is trying to get support to change the mat leave situation, or to support new mothers better so a 7 week old can spend more time with their primary carers, I'm all there.

If actually (as it turns out) what this thread is is a way to demonise the Mum, what a horrible thing to do.

Why did you have a child, to leave them in a nursery at 15 months!?
Neglect, I tell you!

Shame your “research” on the 4th trimester didn’t help your broaden your view outside your privileged, insular bubble.
If you think that’s child abuse I suggest you don’t speak to any survivors of actual child abuse.

I live in a country where the law gives us 6 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. That's it. That starts from the time you go on mat leave so your baby is 4-5 weeks old in many cases when you have to go back to work. It sucks but not much anyone can do about it. The British standard of staying home for 12 months is sadly unattainable for many women around the world.

It's not your business.

You don't know the mothers circumstances and it probably breaks her heart having to leave her newborn.

Rather than judge, I'm actually going to admire the mother's resilience and strength, because she's doing what she needs to do to give her baby a good life, regardless of how hard it is.

Also stop trying to gossip with staff, and remember you're "neglecting" your own baby by your own logic.

I'd be worried about the nursery discussing other children with you. Maybe they're discussing your circumstances with other parents.

I only had two weeks mat leave as work for myself, I balanced looking after a newborn, 4 year old and working and it almost killed me. Im sure they have made the right choice for them

Those of you saying there’s nothing inherently neglectful about a newborn in childcare should really read the research - very well established- about the fourth trimester and a newborn’s need for a secure attachment with its mother.

Lots of people who were hit as children say it didn’t do them any harm… but it’s still wrong to hit a child.

Your attitude is a disgrace OP. YABVU.

There’s no way I’d put a child in daycare full stop 🤷‍♀️

It's most likely a one off or an emergency.

It's unusual but no need to judge without knowing the full story.

YABU to judge without knowing the facts/ why the baby is in nursery.

@toastofthetown

What option do I vote for to indicate that it’s none of your business?

This.

I had to return to work when my eldest DS (now 23) was 6 weeks old.

me “abandoning” him with noisy strangers does not seem to have done any harm. You need to mind your own business and not get so upset at the decisions of others

Noone is saying its ideal.

People are simply asking you and the OP to acknowledge that this may be the best option for that mother as there could be much worse things going on.

How about supporting other parents rather than tutting at them?