To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

FFS, this is not child abuse. Do I think it’s great that a baby that young is in childcare? No. Am I grown up enough to think there is no doubt a good reason for it! Yes.

But child abuse it’s not.

Sorry if I'm being dense, but I didn't understand your reply?

You’re agreeing with the poster who said putting a baby in nursery was child abuse? Christ almighty.

Nobody is this dense.
Reported.

You've no idea what's going on for that family, that putting the baby in nursery is the least worst option. You're NBU to feel sad about it, but you're BU to judge.

You never know what’s going on in people’s lives and the reasons behind their choices. You know nothing other than the baby is at nursery.

Not ‘a baby’. A seven week old baby.

have any of you heard of the fourth trimester/looked at any child development research?

Perhaps not directly, but she seems to have attempted to gossip about her with staff.

Not going to comment on the whole list of reasons why this may be occurring then OP?

If your point is that at 7 weeks ideally a baby should be with its Mother, you're likely to get a lot of support on here to think about how we could structure mat leave and society to help us all achieve that.

If your point is that everyone should rally around to criticise a mum who is having to be separate from a 7 week old baby for some reason you don't know about, that's going to be harder to find.

@Hibiscrubbed

My opinion is that it's a form of neglect to leave a baby that young in a childcare centre.

I hate leaving my DC but there's a massive difference between leaving a toddler and leaving a newborn

Get a grip. You don’t know anything about anything the situation.

the problem is that while most people would agree that a 7 week old baby in nursery full time isn't the perfect solution, you're being extremely judgemental about this and not even considering what might be going on. You have seen one tiny snapshot and have NO idea of the real situation. And you are clearly judging the mother and making assumptions about her.

But you know nothing. You don't know what her work/financial situation is. You don't know if she's a single parent or not or if she's in a bad situation of some sort. You don't know if this baby is in full time nursery or just a few hours at a time. You don't know if this woman might have health issues of her own, or caring responsibilities for someone else. You know literally NOTHING.

I had a babysitter for DS for 4 hours, every 2 weeks, from when he was about 8 weeks old. I was suffering with PND, was completely sleep deprived and honestly, I thought I was losing my mind. If someone had told me I was cruel because I handed DS off for a few hours a week, I'd probably have cried my eyes out for a few hours then punched them in the face.

Can you not think of any reasons at all why this might be necessary? Not even one?

if you can’t then I think you should realise how privileged and lucky you are to have never had to make choices like these parents might have had to.

Well of course you’d think that. It suits you to think that. You could argue that your child knows you’re ‘leaving’ them. The baby hasn’t a scooby.

That would have been me, in the country I live in. I couldn't do it. It went against everything inside me (and I'm not remotely maternal). Both mother and baby have my sympathies in this scenario. It's totally backwards and frankly inhumane (barring unusual circumstances ie beyond having to earn a wage).

I vote for 'stop being so judgemental, paddle your canoe'

What child abuse?! Leaving a baby with trained professionals in a (presumably) Ofsted registered environment? Give over.

Wow. Judgy op

Many reason why mum may be using them

But tbh as someone put at beginning of thread. None of your business !!!

Thankfully your opinion doesn’t count for anything, OP.

Well it's likely to be the financial or other circumstances of the parents (not just the mother) that is the reason for the baby being in the nursery. It's very unlikely to be a completely free choice.

I think you don't know the circumstances so you can't judge hysterically about it being abuse or neglect. And yes, gossiping with the nursery staff about it? I'd hate to be that mother in that nursery - especially given that she is likely to already feel pretty crap about it in the first place.

you have no idea what the circumstances of this family are.

I know of a father whose wife died in childbirth
I know a mother who returned to studying full-time when her baby was a few weeks old rather than drop out.
I know women who cannot afford maternity leave

You have no idea of the whys. She isn't leVing the baby alone or with a pack of dangerous dogs or parked in a pram on the street. Shes leaving them somewhere that is warm, with milk, cuddles and care. Not ideal... but when is life ideal?

In short... butt out.

I think that is really sad. It doesn't sound like you are judging the woman, that that it is sad that they are both in that situation. I was still living on the couch, with DS constantly feeding while I watched MAFS at 7 weeks.

Are you in the USA?

I can think of reasons why it might happen, yes. But I don’t believe that it’s a good society which shrugs and say ‘reasons’ or ‘her choice’ or ‘get a grip’.

we all have a responsibility to advocate for those who can’t advocate for themselves. That might be at an individual level or at a societal level, by pointing out here or at the ballot box that (for eg) an economic climate in which 7 w/o babies are deprived of there right to maternal comfort in order for the mother to put food in the table is a horrific and inhuman one.

I am reminded of that poem that says 'no one puts their child in a boat unless the boat is safer than land'. I think we can assume that in almost all scenarios, no one would put their 7 week old baby in daycare unless that was literally their only option.

The fact the OP feels the need to call out that there are good government benefits implies that the OP feels that this is likely to be a selfish choice, not one driven by economic hardship.

I'd agree with others that this overlooks the many other circumstances (many of them not financial and so would not be impacted by local benefits or otherwise) that could lead to this being the only option for a mother who herself is likely still recovering from childbirth. Even financial circumstances - benefits likely not to apply to, for example, refugees or people who weren't in their job long enough when they got pregnant etc.

It really is sad for both mother and child. I hope the OP can reflect how lucky she is that she has never been in a situation where she has had to make similar choices.