To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

You’re nasty and judgemental OP. I had to take my son to nursery at 10 weeks old and I cried everyday. My ex was a wanker and violent so if I didn’t work then I couldn’t even buy milk for my baby (couldn’t breast feed due to prescription meds)

Anyway, it took another two years to get the courage to leave him and now I’m happily remarried. However, smug posts like yours take me back 25 years to when I was a scared young woman feeling awful at leaving her baby. Fortunately it was only part time but it was still horrid. You don’t know what others are going through.

I think you are lucky OP that you can’t imagine why someone might have the need for childcare at 7 weeks.

Just off the top of my head:

The Mum’s mental health
Keeping a roof over the babies head
Something like cancer where someone in the immediate family needs medical treatment
In the wider family a grandparent being terminally ill or needing support

None of these are fun or happy so do try and be a bit compassionate that sometimes life means tough decisions for people.

I love a good thread like this one.

@comfysketchers YANBU - it's monstrous to put a 7 week old baby in nursery.

However, I'm also judging you for sending your 15 month old. My DC didn't go to nursery at all, because they were better off at home with me than they would have been in a baby factory.

I don't believe any child under two benefits in any way at all from nursery, and over twos only benefit from small doses of it (if at all).

Without knowing another's circumstances we cannot judge
She could be in Foster care(the baby)
She may be self employed and not have money to take time off
She may need a break
She may just want to go back to work... any reason is acceptable imo
Mine was 4month old when I had too..
Everyone's different

How do you know the baby is there for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week? Did you ask the mum when she was dropping off? If so, how rude. Did the staff tell you this? If so, how unprofessional.

Whilst I am 100% a believer in fourth trimester and all that goes along with that (contact napping, feeding to sleep, babywearing, etc), unless you questioned that poor mum at the drop off to find out exactly how long the baby was there for and what her reasons were, you have no business being so judgemental.

So what would you have done if your contraception failed and you had no way of supporting your desire to be a SAHM?

I have days where I HATE going to work (despite loving my job) because I want to stay home with my DC. I also have days where I'm very glad I work because I need some time to be an adult human and DC has run me ragged. However, in this economy, unless we wanted to live in a bedsit, we're not in a position to have one of us give up work fully. That just is what it is.

You should be totally ashamed for his comment.

Jesus fucking Christ.

How is this thread still standing?! How is this toxic judgemental spite ‘in the spirit’ of this site?

No need to feel any guilt, what you did was awesome and the right thing. I'm glad you are happy now

Lots of people, myself included , would feel that 15 months is too young for nursery, and not want that for our child.
How do you feel being judged?
You have no idea what the circumstances are here or what is best for that baby. Mind your own.

Yabu some people have no choice.

The mum could have postnatal depression and need a day or two respite during the week.

My situation is different but I put my 6 month old in one day per week, then 2 days a week at 8 months when I was still on maternity leave. I did it because I was a single mum, suffering quite badly from PND and just out of quite an emotionally abusive relationship. It made me a much better mum to get that time to be able to just sit down with a cup of tea and enjoy the quiet. I was also able to do housework, prep meals for the rest of the week, grocery shopping, appointments etc during these days so that I could focus on my little one on the days that she was with me.

There are people out there who judge women who put children in nursery full stop. Perhaps there are people judging you for putting your 15 month old in..

I was a nanny (live in) for a couple of years and looked after a newborn from day three I think it was. The mum was pregnant accidentally but in her 40s so decided to have him and went straight back to work as soon as she legally could. I had him from 6am when she began her commute to 8pm when she got home. Monday to Friday only.

At first I thought why bother, but he was a much loved child and she had to work to keep a roof over their heads. This was early 90s so no choice to WFH then. She was from nNw Zealand so no family help.

People do what they need to to get by, it's not nice to judge 😞

Please stop judging other women (not just OP - everyone that is doing it). We will never achieve true equality until this pathetic shite ends.

& if your husband had left you while you were pregnant or in the first few years of your kids lives? You’d have had to go to work.

Imagine a world where all women stopped working for years to be home full time with children? Thank God we have all sorts of people in the world who make all sorts of different choices.

Developmentally it's actually more unnatural leaving a 15 month old as that is prime separation anxiety age. A 7 week old generally doesn't care who is meeting it's needs as long as those needs are being met, that's why it's so much easier handing round a 6 week old for cuddles, versus a 6 month old (well, that and the wriggling!).

Child abuse is putting your child in a safe environment with professionals now is it?

I feel sad for the mother as no one here knows her circumstances

I guess as with any other issue we compare the policies of the parties on offer. There will be one which prioritises certain groups over others, in this case, corporates and the 1% over ordinary humans who need to raise other humans.

and we keep doing that until things change.

You wouldn't have a pension either. I'd hate to be in that position.

I left my son at nursery at 8 weeks because I had to go back to work to earn money to feed my family. He is now 18 and absolutely fine. Please don’t judge people you know nothing about

What would positive change be for you? In your ideal world, what are some of the policies you would have?

My daughter went to a childminder at 3 months old when I had to go back to work. What I didn’t know at the time is that the child minder’s next door neighbour was the Mardi Gra Bomber. Fortunately though he’d already been arrested by the time I’d started dropping the baby off there, so no harm done!

An example of the utter rubbish that has been spouted here.

OP, this is a shameful, ridiculous thread.

When my second DC was 7 weeks he attended creche - but just for 1 day a week; to enable me to take a part-told lecturing job.

I needed to do this as I'd lost my job during my pregnancy and my then H looked to be at risk of losing his too. We had a 2 yo as well.

I didn't feel guilty or that I was affecting my baby in any way. It was a but challenging - he was breast fed & did not like taking breastmilk from a bottle but the day wasn't very long & I fed him before & immediately afterwards so the feeds in the crèche were minimal.

You can feel sorry about the fact that I was married to an abusive arsehole & left bringing up 3 DC on my own some short years later but there's no pity needed for a choice that was a valid one for me.

I don't know what that mother's situation is - but our judgement is not needed.

Uh huh.

And how have you reached this no doubt well informed opinion? Through your personal experience of not sending your own children to nursery?

When I had my eldest I got 26 weeks maternity leave. I had to leave work at 28 weeks due to ill health.

It was normal to have 7-week-old babies in childcare because for most people there was no other option.

Judging won't help anyone and if I was that parent and knew the nursery staff had talked about this with you I would be complaining.