To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

Calling it neglectful for the newborn to be there when OP hasn’t even thought to consider why, doesn’t know the story of the parents and is going off of miniscule knowledge, it’s judging.

Under bridge dweller post if I ever saw one

To go back to the 50s apparently where women stayed home and raised the kids and men went to work, you know that tolerant non sexist period in our history,

Forcing parents to stay at home is no better than forcing parents into work. Ideally everyone would get a choice and that choice is going to vary because people are different with different circumstances.

Of course she's a 'normal' mother - that's so unnecessary.

@Chilottane

It's actually very normal in many countries to use childcare that young, I was aghast when I moved to the USA but it is the norm, leave us short and mostly unfunded so varies by state and employer.

As I've said, I personally stayed at home until my youngest was 6 years old then have worked part time. I recognise my privilege to be able to do this.

My brothers friend however had severe postnatal depression, in patient with her first so with her second she coped by using nursery from very young, it's what works for you. Let's stop judging others

Hey OP you missed out:
Option 3 - I'm bored, lets post a wind up thread to attack a hypothetical woman on a site supposed to be there to support parents.

I think it's important to separate the concept of "judging others" from a completely necessary and important conversation about what is best for young children. I haven't judged this mother individually, but I think if as a society we think it's acceptable for a 7 week old baby to be in nursery, then something is not OK and we should be allowed to talk about it without being shut down for being judgmental.

I wouldn’t have been miserable at home at all and my child would have dome just as well at home.

Im just saying, let’s get away from this idea that both parents are forced to work. That’s not the case in many, many families.

@phoenixrosehere

Id judge too. There is absolutely nothing in this world that would cause me to hand over a 7 week old baby to a nursery. OP is right, it is incredibly sad.

I don’t think that’s necessarily true. The family who had to put their 6 week old in nursery as the mum was having chemo that I referred to up thread were at the same nursery as my DD. The baby room was really homely, staff were very good, there was consistency of care and it was calm and quiet. I chose it because my child was only 8 months when she went and it was the best I saw. I had concerns about childminders and a lack of scrutiny and a lack of separation from older children so I went for a nursery setting. Other people make different choices.

So it seems.

Interesting as well that so many posts in this thread are talking about the woman staying at home with the baby.

Maybe I missed the part of the discussion where we talked about the baby's dad staying at home for an equal period of time so that the mum doesn't torpedo her career, earning potential, promotion opportunities and pension but the baby can still be at home with one of his or her parents.

At least most people commenting on here are sensible and compassionate.

YANBU to feel sad, but YABVU not to feel sad for Mum as well. Lots of speculation as to the reasons, frankly none of our business. That person is doing the best they can to care for their child and get through the day. Childcare is tough to find, especially with a short lead time, you take what you can sometimes.

I'm not even going to pretend she would prefer to be at home with the baby, if she has horrific PND maybe this is what saves her sanity. But most likely she is self employed, or from another country so can't access mat allowance, so has with no choice and would love to have the luxury of the options that everyone with an opinion has.

I can think of plenty of cultures where kids are either in childcare or living with grandparents at a tiny age whilst parents work. Those aren't nations of messed up kids. We all do what we have to do to get by and give our kids the best we can.

You see I find that unusual. It wouldn't have been for me but it's none of my business.

It was common for mothers to return to work at 6 weeks pp before maternity leave is what it is now. Mum is probably heartbroken too but even if not we shouldn’t judge. Baby might only be there one or two days a week. I would have hated this but we’re all different and have different circumstances.

Maternity pay is dire. If it's through choice then I have no issue with babies being in childcare from day 1. But many have to go back to work far earlier than they would like.

No idea.

What a nasty additon to a thoroughly nasty thread altogether. There's nothing wrong with being a well-rounded and well-educated young person and nothing wrong with my nephew. Being able, clever and popular is not middle class. Some of the spiteful people on here could learn much from him.

I would feel sad too, but I suppose it’s a matter of circumstance.

Yes, it’s all shaming the mother. The father of course bears no responsibility.

How did you afford to do that?

Because someone else pays the bills.

Oh dear. My DS spent a month in hospital straight after he was born and I couldn’t be with him at all times and had to leave him occasionally in the excellent care of the nurses. He’s now a robust and very loving two year old (although completely nuts). He doesn’t appear to be traumatised by the whole experience.

Don’t be so quick to judge. You have no idea of this woman’s circumstances.

I had to put my eldest in nursery at 16 weeks. Mat leave was only 6 months then and I'd had to leave work early due to pregnancy induced illness. I felt awful leaving her but I had to go back to work. However I spent all the time I could with her, cosleeping, baby groups, cuddles day and night. She also had one key worker who she spent all her time with in baby room.

Her siblings have had a mix, one didn't go into childcare at all until she started reception the other was 15 months old. All three are secure, resilient, great self esteem and all the other markers of well attached children.

Feel sad about a 7 week old going in if you want without knowing the child's full story or homelife but don't be a dick about it. Just makes you look mean and gossipy, not great traits.

Exactly…..