To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

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We should be critical of policy not individual parents. Vote wisely.

Is it ideal or desirable? No.
Is it ok to feel sad for the baby AND mum? Yes.

Could it possibly actually be the best option for the baby, even at 7 weeks? Yes.

Mum is severely struggling with her mental health and can't function /cope plus being on meds,needing to attend appointments ,therapy etc.

The home isn't a safe environment for the baby for various reasons and the baby is better off out of the house until mum can fix the situation.

Mum has to work. No matter what the general rules are , things happen and circumstances differ (dad left, she works on a 0 hours contract/for a company that doesn't offer maternity pay, dad died , expensive medical bills etc) that make people outliers and forced to "choose" outside the norm.

If you feel sad, imagine how the mother feels. What an ugly judgemental thing to post.

How's that going to work then? One half of every couple stops work and then their family all end up on the streets as they can't afford the mortgage? That ship has sailed

I can’t imagine leaving my 15 month old tbh, I have five children and at that age they’ve never yet been away from me for more than an hour or so. Luckily it’s your kid not mine and everyone’s life experience is (this may surprise you) different.

I hate your comments about child abuse, you are not being demonised there you were being horrid.

I do agree that I think it's sad that we as a society value parenthood and particularly motherhood that we do not support women enough to put more in place structurally to allows mums to have adequate time with babies and still keep their careers/a roof over their head/food on their tables.

I don't think that demonising (which is exactly what you are doing when using terms like child abuse) the individuals who are in need of support serves any purpose other than to be unkind.

I do agree again though, that I think it has become a very difficult conversation to have because of the judgement and pain parents who do have to do these types of things are subject to when it is brought up in any way that parents have to put infants and young children in long hours of childcare in order to get by.

I think, again though, that it is precisely comments like yours that shut down the conversation, cause defensiveness and divisiveness, and prevent parents from coming together to discuss the issues around nursery ages.

All parents want to do is to provide for their children, 99% of the time. Yet we can never talk about what might be objectively better or worse for kids because everything is such an emotive minefield of feeling judged and inadequate.

She may or may not feel bad about it but yeah I agree. Horrible post

I think it will be totally and utterly fine assuming the parents are good and loving parents. I bet if that’s the case, there are loads of kids of people on this thread far worse off because of a manipulative or selfish mum who thinks she’s better just because she didn’t put her child in nursery at 7 weeks!

Whilst I agree that it is very young to be in nursery you do not know the circumstances or frequency of them using the nursery - it could be a one off like a funeral, could be due to serious illness and it could be they are self employed or don't get any maternity pay and they simply can't afford to not work.

In many countries it's normal to return to work around 6 weeks after giving birth, it's a luxury and privilege to have longer. I personally didn't put my kids into childcare at all, but I recognise my privilege

So you gossiped about it with the staff as well. Just awful.

If middle class educational attainments are how we assess emotional security then you’re definitely right.

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We vote.

This one set the cat among the pigeons!

I agree with you op, I don't think a nursery is the right place for a baby that old. A childminder in a home environment would be better, if needed. Nurseries are too noisy and I can't imagine the baby would get 121 care.

Can we not say that yes it is undoubtedly sad for the baby, regardless of how valid or otherwise the parent's reasoning for him needing to be there is? The two aren't mutually exclusive.

I feel sad for the baby as yes, I do believe that 7 weeks is far too young to be away from their mother and various studies into the concept of a 4th trimester would categorically agree with this. However, it doesn't follow that because I feel sad for the baby, I am automatically bashing the mum. Dependent on her circumstances, it is also sad for her too.

YANBU. I've seen adverts for nurseries that take babies from 6 weeks but it seems too young.

This

Maybe she's got absolutely zero choice

This is the case in the UK, where most babies do not go into childcare from a young age.

Do you have any strong evidence that there are higher instances of mental health problems among older children in countries where childcare from a young age is commonplace than in countries where it is not?

What country do you live in and what do you consider great pay ? I mean I had 6 months full pay for my fist that was 8 months with holidays on top and 9 months with my last that was almost 11 months with holidays . This was full pay .
im not sure I could have copped it ith a big cut , im the main earner at roughly 3k after tax a month and even loosing 1 k would be impossible .
If people are doing it out if need them I find it very sad but understandable if not then I find it very sad , maybe none of the parents is very maternal or maybe they are suffering from a illness physical or mental ?
Either way I can se e why you feel that way , no baby should be in that environment that early .

You don't know what is going on at all - you are assuming they will be there for 7hrs - they might not!

FWIW I didn't put my older 2 DC into pre school until they were 3.5 as I wanted them to be able to communicate with me if there were any issues. My youngest is nearly 4 and still at home.

I still think that there is lots of bashing of parents who put young DC into nurseries. And as there is indeed a way to feel sad for baby without being judgemental twits to mum, why is the mum bashing so prevalent?

Not just on this thread either.

What are we voting for then?