To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

I think the lack of knowledge about the mothers circumstances is a major factor in the whole "it's none of your business" comments.

The OP doesn't have the full picture.

The OP also hasn't answered what country she is in, some countries it is very normal to have a short maternity leave.

You'd put the minimum age for childcare somewhere in the toddler years??

So you'd legally prevent a woman from working for two years, or four years in a row if she has two children two years apart?

It depends on who the foster for. My mum does it for the council and still has to work full time to lay the bills.
most carers categorically do not get ‘paid a lot’. They get a small allowance to pay for food, clothing, utilities for the child

I’m sure they do but does anyone even look into this long term ? Childcare is used so much from such a young age - and rates of children needing camhs help has risen - is it in line with that ? Because something is causing problems later on for a lot of dc and maybe there’s a connection

Also if mum is doing it because she's struggling or has mental health problems, then we can acknowledge that nursery may well be the least worst option.

Best option would be with mum who is well and happy though...if that's not possible, you go for the least worst option for everyone

Reminder that until 30 years ago it was not the norm for a young family to only be able to afford shelter and food on two salaries.

we don’t have to accept the economic system that has been forced upon us. It’s not inevitable or the default.

No “normal” mother would do this, at least willingly. It goes against the normal instincts of Mother Nature. I would feel sorry for the baby. I saw it at my sons nursery when he started going there a few mornings a week aged 2. There were newborn babies there 8 am till 6 pm.

No, it's not ideal but I had no choice and my partner at the time practically held a gun to my head to go back to work to feed his drug habit, I would never leave her alone with him so nursery was the safest place for her. My daughter is fine.

You might have wanted to but the unpalatable fact of the matter is the most ideal situation for a young child to be raised in is one where they are at home more or less full-time with a loving primary caregiver. If you'd have been miserable at home then obviously that's not best for your child. However, I think parents who would like to stay at home with their children ought to have the choice to do so, and many don't, because the government want all adults to be working.

It's sad for the baby yes but we don't know the circumstances. Mum may not have a choice financially. Mum may be struggling and needs be break (I used to nanny and got a lot of temporary work around 8 week mark when the exhaustion kicked in). I myself went back to work when my child was tiny as I'm self employed and had to but my baby came to work with me.

What pisses me off most is it's always the mum who's judged never the dad

This exactly!

This is so ignorant. You have no idea how the parents care for their child during the majority of the time they are with them.

Can you let me know too?

FWIIW my nephew was in nursery from a similar age. He's an excellent footballer and cricketer, popular at school, aced his GCSE's and on target for super A level results, speaks four languages fluently, and has just been awarded a scholarship to a prestigious US university (he lives in Wales). Obviously did him loads and loads of harm.

Disgusting thread

I think there are some very good reasons why it's probably worse to be leaving a 15 month old who is attached to parents than a 7 week old who has no real knowledge of what's going on. However, there are very good reasons for doing both and no one should judge either.

To be honest, I think you're just as bad for dropping your 15 month old also.

I agree it’s sad but I’m sad for the baby and the parents if they felt the need to but they wanted to spend longer off work with the baby. Of course this is assuming the parent/s had to get back to work and it’s not something else.

But there are circumstances where many babies will be better off in nursery. Maybe the mother has severe PND? I’m sure it was deemed the best thing for the baby and the family.

Also, there will be people who judge parents for putting, say, a 1yo in nursery too.

😱

some of these comments need reporting. To call this woman abnormal is horrific.

what an awful thread.

I had twins in 1999 and they were with a childminder from 8 weeks. I left work at 30 weeks because I had pre-eclampsia and suspected twin to twin transfusion syndrome, so I required lots of hospital visits. I also had PUPP for the entire third trimester. I was entitled to 14 weeks Mat Leave and gave birth at 36 wks.

I couldn’t give up work because we wouldn’t have been able to pay the bills. I also didn’t want to stop working at 23 and risk not being able to get a job years later.

Both twins have Masters Degrees and good jobs, but I’ll be sure to apologise for neglecting them and ruining their chances in life.

Do foster carers get paid a lot? How much do they get paid?

I feel sad for starving children. I feel sad for children living in squalid conditions. I feel sad for children in the midst of wars. The list goes on and on. However, my point is that a healthy seven week old baby in a nursery full of qualified employees is not a child I would feel sad for. You are disguising your judgmental superior nature as sadness. Be careful your 15 month old child may turn out to be a drug addicted adult sex worker when they grow up and then you will be seeking help and reassurance instead of judgement. You don’t know what the circumstances are all you know is that a baby has been entrusted into the care of a professional nursery just like you have!

I can’t understand why there are so many judgemental comments on here. I went back to work when my sons were 8 weeks old, it was far more common twenty years ago and I was self employed so no paid leave. They turned out just fine, one went to Oxford like a pp’s child above. They certainly wouldn’t think of themselves as deprived.

I judge you for sending your child off at 15 months. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MYOB basically. You don’t know what circumstances that mother has.

Nobody forced a woman at gunpoint to have a child! If you’re mentally unfit or are supporting a drug addict, maybe don’t have kids …

I don’t think the OP suggested the baby was being abused by being taken to nursery 🤔
I think someone else suggested the person dropping baby off could have been a social worker and for some unknown reasons baby’s parents could not look after baby ?
eg someone very ill with no support network.
Many people I know who have children were in a position to take a really long maternity leave because they were very established in their career / employer very generous with the leave .
not everyone can do that 😞