To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

But many people here are effectively saying we should not be discussing it because it’s none of our business at either an individual or societal level.

Don’t be daft, they will still know their mother. Give over. Children the world over spend a few hours away from their mothers.

It's not a "loss". As far as any of us know from the limited info available, the baby is still with its mother morning, evening, night, weekends, holidays. We don't even know if the baby is in the nursery five days a week for full days, or just a morning once a week.

An extremely good friend had no choice, due to personal circumstances, but to put her child in full time nursery from 6 weeks old. Said child is now at Oxford, reading law, and, more importantly, is one of the happiest, most well balanced and resilient young people I know. Placing a child in nursery isn’t neglect and keeping them at home full time doesn’t mean they aren’t neglected either. Far too much judgement on here, when none of us know the circumstances.

How do you know its not one of the workers dc?

I had to put my now 25 year old daughter in nursery at 3 months old as I didn't have a choice. I was in the Army the maternity leave wasn't massive at the time and I had no dad or my family to fall back on. It was a tough time already I hope nobody was stood judging my 18 year old self who was trying her best.

They’ll survive yes but it’s not ideal. It’s the basics being met and not a loving nurturing bond being developed as they will be apart for hours and hours ?

Several nurseries in my area take babies from 6 weeks or 12 weeks.

It’s worth remembering that the woman handing over the baby may not be the mum. A lot of children in foster care etc go to nursery.

Maybe she needs to work. Maybe she has bad PPD. Maybe she is ill. It's none of your business but I doubt any mother would do this just because they felt like it.

But who is judging, all the op said is that it makes her sad that such a young baby is in nursery

With your ironic lack of a full stop, I do hope you’re seeking the relevant support with your homeschooling…

I know loads of parents who have a "loving, nurturing bond" with their kids despite having had to use childcare from 3 months or so.

Many women in the USA have no paid maternity leave at all and daycare from a very young age is normal there. Do you genuinely believe none of those mothers have a loving bond with their children?

It's very very sad for mother and baby

There are usually very good reasons why this is a necessary option for parents. If poss I’d choose a nursery with a sep baby room.

I've known of a couple of people who have had serious mental health problems after the birth of their baby who have done exactly this, very reluctantly, because it saved their mental health. It was this or give their baby up completely. They didn't feel good about it and your nasty judgemental attitude would have made them feel much worse.

At the other end of the scale, I know people who would judge you because you sent yours at 15 months. In fact, they would judge you if you let them out of your sight before the age of 7 or 8.

At that age the baby will not understand, at the point of separation, that they will see the mother again.

it won’t die, no. it will cope, through shutting down. It might even get into Oxford. Will it have been deprived? Yes.

I don’t think putting your baby in a nursery which presumably will be regulated with trained staff is child abuse.

Haha

Her tone is super judgemental pitching her 15 month old as though as that's the ideal.

'he barely even knows he is out of the womb'

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

so presumably mother of 7 week old chooses NOT to have the 10 weeks?

so smug.

It’s very young but as it’s been said on this thread, I suspect the mum is making the best choice she can for her baby. Sad though for anyone to have to do this. Tiny babies should be with mum

I spent many years working as a nursery manager. It was extremely rare for us to care for babies under six months, even though we were registered to take them from three months. However, there were times when we would be asked by the local authority to care for a baby under three months because they had been placed under an emergency child protection order. Also, there were times when the parents of young babies would approach us because the mother had become ill with severe postnatal depression. You should not judge a parent or carer at the nursery door because you do not know what their situation may be.

So what would you do with your baby in order to work?

Yes, it’s sad. No, we don’t know the circumstances of the mum/parents. Someone above said that things would have to be dire for a mum to choose to do that - perhaps so, but equally some parents choose to put very young babies in daycare. There’s nothing “dire” going on so they don’t need our sympathy. They’ve made a free choice to do that.

Without more information (which obviously we’re not entitled to), we have no idea whether this was choice or necessity. If it was a choice, then yes, like many people here I do judge. I think that’s too young.

My personal opinion (nothing to do with this baby but a general view) is that daycare should have a higher minimum age and that parents should be supported to stay at home with their child. It’s a cliche but it’s a very important job. What would the minimum age be? I don’t know but somewhere in the toddler years IMO.

So foster carers get paid a lot each week and they aren’t even looking after babies that young? Surely it’s meant to be what best for a child yet they can be removed, put in foster care then stuck in a nursery ?