To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

I’m not judging the mother.

I am judging you, though, for saying that we should all keep quiet when we see something wrong.

I have a duty to speak up. I think we all do. Even if you don’t give me permission and even if it makes you uncomfortable.

For all you know her mental health needs a break

^^

It's hard because you will get those who will jump on you and say - YABU and mind your own business.

Ultimately yes, you need to mind your own business but you are entitled to find it sad if you want to. Yes it would make me sad in terms of black and white thinking - but I also don't know their circumstances or other things going on at home.

you have no idea why that baby was there. none I know your thread is long but I was compelled to post I don't know why you posted I mean can you not engage your brain .and think why a small baby might be in a nursery ?

why is your baby there why isn't it at home with you ? the toddler years before they are 3 are the most important for development your toddler should be at home with you it's parent!

Can’t believe the poster has moved from abuse to neglect and damage.

this desire to shame women, other women, with no understanding of their circumstances is heinous.

I cannot think of a single staff member in any setting that my children have spent time in, that I would trust to look after a tiny baby.

For everyone on here telling people not to judge…. We ALL judge! It’s human nature.

Putting a baby in a noisy, chaotic nursery is a really bad idea. That baby will not be getting the love and attention he needs.

YANBU op. This is really sad.

If it helps OP, I’m sure there are plenty of people watching you dropping off a 15 month old and judging you for that too. And they’d be wrong as well.

That's just so awful for both the mother and the baby. It would have to be dire circumstances for a child to be separated from the mum so early. Those early stages are so critical for good development and a nursery is not an equivalent.

Someone else who doesn’t understand how babies develop a secure attachment - and the huge impact that loss can have across their lives.

But you see on all the surrogacy threads on here that babies do know …..from birth apparently as they’ve got used to their mothers voice etc ?

What’s the “magic” age when you think kids are ok in nursery then? Would it be, oh, when you sent your own child to nursery by any chance?

These things depend so much on the circumstances of the child and the family, it’s not an exact science.

It’s not normalised though is it? The fact we are discussing it at all is because it’s relatively unusual.

The child hasn’t been adopted. They are going to nursery for goodness are. They are home evening night, morning, and weekend.

No, I'm telling a story about one woman who did this about 34 years ago, if that makes it any better.

My maternity leave was only for 6 weeks then it would have been benefits if i didnt get bsck to work, I had to put my 8 week old in nursery 3 days a week until she was 4, she's a bold 12 year old now, not affected by it at all.

I actually agree with you that it's very sad. I won't judge the parents, though. Unless we know the full story there is no point speculating on why they are doing it.

For my part, I also regret how normalised daycare is as a solution to the working parent. It's brilliant for some kids and brilliant for a few days, but I think that for many kids it can be too much. My own DS was in nursery for 3 days from 14 months, and I massively regret that I felt I didn't have a choice. I eventually realised that it wasn't right and at the age of 2 made some changes so that it went down to 2 days, going back up to 3 days at 3 and a half. All of this to say, yes it's sad. But perhaps she, like me, felt she had no choice.

Ok so why aren’t you ripping into the op for her neglect abuse and damaging her child?

What a fucking scummy thread. You have absolutely no idea of the reasons why she might have to do this.. Stop being such a judgemental prat.

It’s still going to be confusing for that child though - which isn’t good for development at all

I think that's absolutely heartbreaking. Mums and babies should be together at that stage not separated for hours every day. If mum has no choice but to work then of course I understand her doing it...I still think it's heartbreaking that someone is in that position. If she's done it out of choice, then yes I judge.

👏🏻

I think it’s terribly sad and it would really upset me to see that.

most nurseries in the U.K. don’t accept babies that small

In France maternity leave usually ends when the mother is 10 weeks postpartum and many babies start full time childcare at this age.

Whether you agree with it or not, it's largely cultural and I think it's pretty offensive and ignorant of you to describe this as child neglect.

Would I put my 10 week old in full time childcare? No. But I could afford to take a few more months off. Do I think parents who do so are neglectful? Also no.

It's a good job you are not a social worker then, isn't it?
I sympathised with your view until this comment. Neglect is a failure as a parent or caregiver to provide a child with basic needs such as shelter, clothing, food, affection or education. So unless your nursery leaves hungry children naked on a cold tile floor, it is not neglect. The parent arranged for a suitable childcare while they, presumably, need to attend to their work/health etc. Maybe they are not entitled to a generous maternity pay in your country.
While it's ok to feel sad, it is not OK to judge without knowing their circumstances which is what you are doing on this thread.

Youngest I’ve seen in nursery in the U.K. is 12 weeks