To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

Please just stop. Stop all this we stuff, it’s clear you’re in the minority, it is not your place to accept anything, no one is giving you responsibility to speak up, few respect your views.

this woman can be having hospital treatment, her partner may be ill and lost his job, forcing her to work. She may have significant pnd and this is the only break she gets, with no support round her.

so please just stop this attacking and judging this mother.

Maybe they are self-employed and therefore can’t take time off work.

My neighbour works at a staff nursery for children of hospital staff.

She and another member of staff often tell me how 'heartbroken' they are when they have to accept babies from 6 weeks old, for up to 10 hours a day.

I understand it may be upsetting for them but they and some other staff members are so bloody judgy about it.

There's zero comparison between a 15 month old and 7 week old 🙄

You're not better than that mother. Think how she'd feel if she read your thread - shameful.

I work from home 99% of the time but my company requires children under high school age to be in childcare. Occasional one offs are fine in emergencies etc but if I had my son at home with me all of the time, I'd face consequences including the possibility of losing my job.

So he goes to nursery full time.

It is very sad but I assume that there is a reason and in an ideal world the mum wouldn’t be taking the baby to nursery at such a young age.

I doubt this is what she had planned when she thought of having children.

Really, did they go in ar a year. So a little infant? Poor child.

I worked at a nursery in my twenties and it did feel sad, but the babies were beautifully cared for.

OP you have no right to sit in judgement on other people. It cannot have been an easy decision to make.

There could be a hundred reasons why the mum has to put the baby in nursery. Suppose she or her DH or another child has a terminal illness with hospital visits; suppose she has a mental illness or a physical one?

I doubt it will lead to the child being psychologically damaged later on.

Except OP isn't sad for the parents. Only the baby. She assumes that the mother is neglectful and couldn't possibly have a valid reason for putting the baby in childcare.

I think a tiny baby in full time childcare probably is sad. Mostly because for that to happen, the chances are that the family has no choice and this is the best option. For that to be the best option IS sad - and a particularly sad indictment of our broader society and lack of support for families, mothers in particular.

What if this woman is a foreigner in your country? What if she has no recourse to public funds and hasn't been in her job long enough to get maternal benefits through her work?
What if she took the 10 weeks you speak of partially during her pregnancy that may have been high risk?
What if she has severe PND and just needs to be back out of the house to feel human again?
What if there's another reason?

I think it's pretty nasty that you felt the need to discuss this baby with nursery workers. It's nasty, gossipy and would be incredibly hurtful.
I'm sure you are not perfect and would be hurt if anyone felt the need to criticise your life choices with others.

Completely agree. Many people have cited pressing reasons why the mother may be doing this, but in spite of what some have said, there are mothers (and fathers) who choose this. This has reminded me of a colleague I had in the late 1980s who was extremely ambitious. She was an accountant hoping to become a partner in our firm. Her husband was a solicitor well on the way to becoming a partner in his firm. They were both working very long hours, earning a lot of money and living accordingly. She worked up till the last minute she could before their baby was born and was back at work full-time when he was 2 weeks old. She'd have been back earlier if the law had allowed it. The baby was at home with a live in nanny. She was quite open that this was her choice as she was far more interested in her work than the tedious business of day to day childcare. I don't know if her husband ever considered that he could have looked after the baby - I doubt it. She could have had six weeks maternity leave on 90% of pay and then another five or six months which was either unpaid or you got a very small maternity allowance, I forget which. Unless they had enormous debts or a ridiculously large mortgage they could have afforded for one of them to take parental leave for a few weeks, but they chose not to. I'm sure the baby was well looked after but I found it sad that neither of his parents wanted to spend more than a few minutes a day with him Mon-Fri. If that's judgemental, so be it.

At what point would it become OK for this mother to use the nursery OP? Has your 15 month old just started there, or did you deem it OK from an earlier age? Clearly you believe that 7 weeks is the 'wrong' age so I'm curious to know what the 'right' or 'acceptable' age is.

Ok. I would like to withdraw the post where I used the words ‘child abuse’. I agree it’s not active abuse. I was responding to all the pp’s who had said ‘none of our business’ and pointing out the fundamental danger and moral cowardice of that ‘my child my choice’ position.

I do think it’s profoundly damaging to that tiny baby and is effectively neglect. Many people throughout history have had reasons to neglect their child - it doesn’t mean that the child is not neglected. It doesn’t mean we should all look away.

Its better than leaving it in a drawer at home on its own.

Its got nothing to do with you op.

It's none of your business, and the staff shouldn't be discussing it with you either!!

I'm sure the parents have their reasons - they've hardly put their infant in childcare that young for the hell of it!

a voice of reason

dont see how anyone could argue with this

So you’re telling a story about one woman who did this nearly half a century ago?

It’s not child abuse but it’s far from ideal as babies need their mothers in the first few months / first year at least it’s really important for their development

For all you know, the mother is self-employed and can't afford to pay herself maternity pay.

It's saddening that she isn't with her young baby but ultimately not your business.

How do you know that the mum hasn't had to go back to work to put a roof over their heads or food on the table for the family, circumstances can change literally overnight for someone, so I understand overall your pointre babies being with mum but sometimes some people don't have a choice. Maybe offer to babysit the child on your days off for the mum if you really want to be a good human.

I doubt it's "profoundly damaging". The baby won't have a clue.

And why did you post here? So we'd all judge her too?

I went back to work full time when my daughter was six weeks old because that’s when my maternity leave ended. I had a nanny - is that better?