To feel sad seeing a 7 week old baby at DC's nursery today

[comfysketchers]

Dropping my 15 month old off at nursery today before work and there was another woman there at the same time handing over a 7 week old sleeping baby.

He was absolutely tiny and I just felt so sad looking at him thinking that he barely even knows he is out of the womb and his mum is dropping him off to spend all day with strangers in a noisy nursery environment.

I should also add that I live in a country that has excellent parental leave from the government plus most private companies pay at least 10 weeks of full pay on top of that, with many paying much more than that.

YABU - It’s perfectly normal for a 7 week old baby to spend 8 hours per day in a nursery.

YANBU - A 7 week old baby should be at home with its mum.

You are unpleasantly judgemental. What makes you think you have the right to decide how other parents manage their lives?

I went back to work when my little one was 9 weeks old, obviously not my choice but hey ho that's life, could be the same situation for that woman and her child. Hope nobody judges you for dropping your not even 2 year old at nursery 🙄🙄🙄

I didn't say it's the same. I said it reminded me of it - in that people don't [generally] do things which are bad or dangerous for their kids unless that's their only option.

I don't know if it's me but mumsnet seems to have got so aggressive these days. I've made a balanced, kind post suggesting some compassion and your response is to swear and call me 'dangerously fucking stupid' - seriously who pissed in your tea today? What's going on in your life that that's how you want to spend your time engaging with strangers on the internet? I'm sure your response to this will be vitriol and range and some abuse at me or the next person on the next thread but... why? How is that a good use of your limited time and limitless talents on this earth?

I plan to be a SAHM until my son starts school. I will not be sending him to nursery at all. I could just as easily judge you for sending a 15 month old to nursery. I mean it’s not what I would do so that must make it wrong right? Except I recognise that my choices as a parent wouldn’t work for every family. Not everyone is in the financial position to have such a long break from work, not everyone’s partner would support that etc. My point is that just because you wouldn’t send a 7 week old baby to nursery doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice for everyone. And calling it neglect is absolutely ridiculous. There are so many children in the world that are actually being neglected who would love to be in nursery being fed properly and cared for by professionals. The baby is fine.

I think it's possible to feel sad for the baby AND the parents, without shaming or blaming the parents. We deserve a system that supports parents properly so that all infants can be with their primary caregivers. That this doesn't exist is terribly sad. That isn't the same as blaming or shaming parents. In fact I'd say it's the opposite!

once again - the fact that she may have had no choice doesn’t mean we should all accept it. If anything we should speak up more clearly about it so that this doesn’t become more normalised.

which is what happens when everyone either shrugs and looks away, or feels so attacked themselves that can’t look at the truth of it and brush it under the carpet. The upshot is the same.

Eugh, I had the same, except it was to my face.
An admin assistant was telling me how her daughters were staying at home with their babies as they really didn't want to use childcare.
Well bully for them and their choices!

Exactly.

lots of people so defensive here that they are not thinking rationally

Judgemental much. You have zero idea about the parents circumstance.

None of your business.
Some people might think you shouldn't be dropping a child at nursery either and should be at home.

How do you know the baby is 7 weeks old? That's very precise. How are you so certain the woman handing the baby over is the child's mother? Are you saying that the nursery staff told you all that information? That's not very professional if that is the case and I'd worry about what they're saying to other parents about me if I was you!

Presumably if the nursery accepts babies from 6 weeks old, there is a requirement for babies of that age to sometimes need to go. Yes, its not ideal, but other posters have given plenty of reasons why it might be necessary. None of which are any of your business.

go ahead, but you will be assuming wrong (and also, ageist).

once again, for the hard of understanding- there is a difference between demonising individuals caught in an inhumane system, and criticising the system itself.

YANBU - totally agree with you.

Someone at work who has just had a baby said lots of nurseries are closing their baby rooms because of working from home. Don’t know how true this is but you do see threads on here quite a lot about parents looking after small children whilst wfh.

I’m not arguing that very small babies should be generally be in childcare and I definitely support better maternity leave, pay and anything that helps support parents especially in the first couple of years. I do however wonder if we are drifting back to a time when it’s becoming acceptable for parents (especially mums) to manage working and childcare at the same time. If we are then that’s not a good thing.

One of my friends who is very judgemental about childcare settings and will go on at length about cortisol levels and attachment issues in children who are put into childcare under the age of 3 is self employed and works from home. She has returned to work within a couple of weeks of having all 3 of her children and frankly I think there are times when both she and her DC would have been far better off if she had used childcare.

As someone who suffered actual child abuse, I’d like to invite many posters on this thread to get in the fucking sea.

Some people aren't a fan of the grub stage OP. Thes a whole host of reasons that someone uses childcare.

It's nowt to do with you. Baby won't give a toss.

Agree you don’t know the circumstances and it’s not your business.
We all do our best. End of x

Yabu

Yes of course it's sad.

It's sad if she's doing it for no particular reason, it's sad if she's doing it because she's failed to bond or is struggling desperately with new motherhood and feels she needs a break, it's sad if she's doing it due to desperate financial or other practical circumstances (eg chemo and no childcare).

I'm not sure why you'd start a thread about it though.

I think saying leaving a baby in the care of someone not the mother is “child abuse” is not thinking rationally tbh. Do you think the same if the child stays home with the father while the mum goes back to work?

And dropping a child off with responsible adults who have the correct training, processes and insurances to look after children is tantamount to child abuse now is it?

Give your head a wobble. We don't know the circumstances but it's certainly not abuse.

I'm with you OP, so so sad, baby needs its mum!!!

Pot kettle black.

Your at the nursery yourself aren't you?
15 months is exactly old either.

Silly post. Backfired on you.

YNBU , You are a caring and thoughtful person!

@gamerchick I don't agree that a baby won't give a toss. Consistency in the presence of a primary caregiver (doesn't have to be mother, or father, or even a relative, but it does need to be a consistent, dependable presence - and yes, an infant CAN tell the difference in who they're with - smell, hormones, heartbeat etc etc) is critical in forming a healthy attachment style.