To think I must just be unattractive?

[itsanok]

I spend a lot of time and money on my appearance, but I never get complimented from friends or family, and never receive male attention. I feel quite sad about it, I'm in my 20s and feel invisible.

I paid £250 for my hair to be cut and balayaged and nobody has mentioned it, let alone given a compliment (even just a fake compliment to be nice). I have all of the best beauty products (hundreds of pounds worth) yet my hair always looks frizzy and a mess, and my face always looks plain despite having a full face of makeup on.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't have any ugly features, I just think I must be so plain that I'm invisible?

Maybe they’re used to you being beautiful so they don’t think to mention changes or specifics.

I wouldn’t compliment someone unless I thought their new look really suited them. You’re obviously not doing something right with your hair if it always looks frizzy and in a mess. Personally the times in life when I got the most of that sort of attention was when I was slim and complexion clear and generally well groomed. I’ve been out with friends who are naturally pretty and they do get a lot of attention, that’s just how it is.

Beauty treatments like cut and balayage are mainstream. Unless it's a drastic change from the norm most people won't even notice.

Share a pic?

Maybe you are trying too hard.

Based on how you've structured you post is it possible you come across insecure or unsure of yourself. It appears you are actively seeking others approval - which in itself can often put people off.

Or perhaps in person are you the polar opposite, if you highlight these things to others or appear over confident they might shy away from complimenting it?

Generally I find genuine calm confidence in yourself and a high self esteem is what draws in compliments. Likewise doing big visual changes, so if you wear trousers normally then wear a dress. If you do your nails with colours then do a french polish instead. That sort of thing, things that people are more likely to notice as 'different' and comment on.

But if I was guessing I would probably guess that if you work on your self esteem and confidence, that's possibly the most likely thing to have an effect.

Sometimes i think unless 9-10/10 or ugly, u wont get attention really.

Im prob 7-8/10, eg voted 8th best looking out of 200 girls in uni halls, get some looks but left alone. Maybe wedding ring puts people off. Unless ur obviously beautiful or single maybe men leave alone

Tbh i find men more flirty at work (smart bank) but maybe its cos they know theyre friends etc and its prof enviotnmrnh so wont read into it?

Think men are less forward since 'me too' and catcalling made illegal etc

How do you feel about your new hair?

What do you think you need to look/feel less plain?

Im prob 7-8/10, eg voted 8th best looking out of 200 girls in uni halls,

Are you serious?!

I think times have changed a little and people are more aware about not commenting on physical appearance.

😅good joke

I think all of this is societal norms and culture. I could write a book on it. But to put it simply, your (our) vision is skewed by constant streams of fake photos. It isn't possible to look the way you want. It's just not real. The compliments thing is very much a regional thing. In some places it's a normal part of life to comment boldly on another's appearance. In other places no one even looks at each other, much less verbalizing anything. I've traveled a lot and it's a big thing I've noticed. It varies from person to person too. So it's definitely not you, it's the people you're around. Personally I love making others feel nice when I compliment them. I love hearing it too! I'm sure you are gorgeous and could probably be just as pretty without so much effort. I like to make myself up though, I find it fun. Another tip I have is to try something new- try giving someone else a compliment, at least once every day. Just try it and see how it changes your perspective! You'll probably get compliments back too!

There was a VOTE? That's horrendous

I think this is a good point. I don't often comment on people's appearances myself as you can't always be sure how it will go over...

Honestly I wouldn’t bother spending hundreds of pounds on beauty products it’s a waste of time! Stop worrying so much about what others think of you and just try to chill out and be yourself, and not take things so seriously.

You don’t need to look a certain way to be attractive. It’s more about how you feel inside.

Maybe you should get ipsos Mori to do a review poll of your new hair and provide a national ranking in the same vein as @scop

Well you would know if you very conventionally attractive or not. Just look in the mirror. Nothing wrong with it if you aren't. I do some of the things you mention but it's the minimum to look average, not a way to look amazing.

Smile and carry yourself confidently. Happiness and confidence make anyone attractive, and the opposite makes even classically beautiful people plain. If you’re happy with yourself you’ll draw other people to you.

90% of attractiveness is confidence OP - I mean this kindly, but it sounds like that’s what you need to work on.

I would definitely have to organise a top twat vote for the blokes after that.

External beauty comes from bone structure. All the make up and hair cuts in the world can't compensate for average bone structure.

You sound gorgeous. 8th out of 200 puts you in the top 5% so 9.5/10. No wonder the smart bank guys are so flirty with you! Well done!

I’ve got a friend who has all the make -up, hair done, fake tan etc very very high maintenance but I don’t actually like the very made up / fake look so I don’t tend to compliment her. Whereas I complimented my friend who came out without a scrap of make up on with wet hair this weekend as her hair dried into lovely curls and I liked her t-shirt

I would highly recommend working on your self esteem, firstly so that you don’t feel you need external validation to feel good, but secondly as good self esteem can often serve as a magnet for people. I recommend the book overcoming low self esteem.

I don't look overly done up, usually I wear my hair in loose curls or a bouncy blow dry look, and I wear makeup but it looks quite natural (too natural to be honest, I think it must absorb straight into my skin... I don't fake tan apart from in the summer, and I don't wear any eye makeup apart from mascara

I think some of it is probably the vibe I give off. I'm quite shy and I think I give off a 'leave me alone' impression without meaning to.