To think I must just be unattractive?

[itsanok]

I spend a lot of time and money on my appearance, but I never get complimented from friends or family, and never receive male attention. I feel quite sad about it, I'm in my 20s and feel invisible.

I paid £250 for my hair to be cut and balayaged and nobody has mentioned it, let alone given a compliment (even just a fake compliment to be nice). I have all of the best beauty products (hundreds of pounds worth) yet my hair always looks frizzy and a mess, and my face always looks plain despite having a full face of makeup on.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't have any ugly features, I just think I must be so plain that I'm invisible?

Leave Doris out of it! 😂

My first thoughts on this is that there may be too much of a focus on your outer appearance. We live in a very superficial society now and the reality is, it isn't hard to find a beautiful woman.

When I became a Christian I genuinely became more beautiful and glowed in more ways than one. There is a scripture:

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭30‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I began to focus on loving others, making being caring, kind, honest and essentially having a beautiful soul my priority.

Healing on the inside helped me in many ways, I depended less on expensive makeup and found less really was more for me, same for skincare (I now have the best skin I have ever had) and my hair is literally the healthiest it has ever been because I took the time to look after it myself (incorporating self care days into my routine, though initially to do some inner work, it really reflected on the outside)

This x 100
I really wish more people realised this.
When I was younger there were girls I knew who all the boys fancied despite them not being what you would call "traditionally attractive" (don't personally believe such a thing exists but hopefully you know what I mean).
The reason for this I was that they had great self esteem, were confident, smily, chatty and didn't give a shiny shit what anyone else thought of them. They were also surrounded by lots of friends, also due to their happy and friendly demeanor.

How do you know no one fancies you,

Schoolboys say silly things, I’m sure if I asked my nephews if the fancied any girls they would tell me no and have a grimace on their faces as if I was mad to ask such a question as all girls are yuck

How do you know it was a male-organised thing?
In my high school, all the girls across 3 form groups took it upon themselves to 'rank' the rest of the year with no involvement from the boys!

I was in a shop the other day and a sales assistant said the usual "Hi, anything I can help with?" then came out with a really enthusiastic "I absolutely LOVE your coat!" which I almost laughed out loud at because it was a 5 yr old scabby teddy coat that's gone all bobbly. I guess she could have been being genuine but I highly doubt it! It was so insincere I just didn't even know what to say 😆

How do you know it was a male-organised thing?
In my high school, all the girls across 3 form groups took it upon themselves to 'rank' the rest of the year with no involvement from the boys!

It was the girls who organised the 'polls at college and university. They were really awful people, without exception, in my experience. One of them always won 'most blonde' whatever that meant.

If you think spending hundreds and buying the best product is going to help carry on but beauty comes from inside

I was in a shop the other day and a sales assistant said the usual "Hi, anything I can help with?" then came out with a really enthusiastic "I absolutely LOVE your coat!" which I almost laughed out loud at because it was a 5 yr old scabby teddy coat that's gone all bobbly. I guess she could have been being genuine but I highly doubt it! It was so insincere I just didn't even know what to say

They could have been genuine 😀, but I think they do that in some shops. I queued once and noticed the shop assistant complimenting everyone. When it came to my turn it was my purse that was complimented. I felt sorry for them because I think they might have been instructed to do it.

I received similar compliments over the last few months from shop assistants. I get comments about my hair often (very long but I tie it up) one about my beautiful face, and energy, but she also asked if I was a dancer so I thought more genuine (as I am, but amateur make no mistake). I usually take shop assistant compliments with a pinch of salt though.

Fucking hell, what university was this? I was a student 30 years ago, and I just can't imagine people doing this. I mean, they might discuss it with their friends, but doing it publicly like this is honestly just shocking to me.

I'd rather not name the university but the sixth form college was in Cheshire. University wasn't too far away but not in the same county.

I wonder if they still do it now though. I thought it was a horrible thing to do. The organisers were often among the 'winners' (they would go around encouraging people to vote).

If you’re naughty do you think the Lord will taketh away what he hath apparently giveth?

Ahhh, shit! I think I got him mixed up with Santa and the naughty list.

I was called ugly a lot in my teens and it was very hard to shake, and I'm only now (in late 30s) starting to shed some of that nervousness around interactions. It's not easy. I realise that I wasn't ugly at all, probably quite average.

If you can, pretend to be the person you want to interact with. Shoulders back, head up, greet people as if you're genuinely pleased to see them, even if you don't know them well. Give compliments honestly. I know this is waaay easier said than done, but people react very differently to you when you act more confident and relaxed. Even if you're pretending in the short term, the responses will hopefully help you to start feeling more confident for real. If you give out positivity people will respond with positivity.

I really hope they didn't, that would have crushed the poor girls at the bottom.