To think I must just be unattractive?

[itsanok]

I spend a lot of time and money on my appearance, but I never get complimented from friends or family, and never receive male attention. I feel quite sad about it, I'm in my 20s and feel invisible.

I paid £250 for my hair to be cut and balayaged and nobody has mentioned it, let alone given a compliment (even just a fake compliment to be nice). I have all of the best beauty products (hundreds of pounds worth) yet my hair always looks frizzy and a mess, and my face always looks plain despite having a full face of makeup on.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't have any ugly features, I just think I must be so plain that I'm invisible?

Do you brush your hair? If it's naturally curly brushing makes it frizzy. Only brush before you wash it and then leave it to dry naturally. I use a leave-in product called Curls Rock by Tigi.

I’m just trying to answer the OP’s question with some honesty rather than the usual cliche’s. Sorry if you think it implies I actually think there is virtue in being slim, attractive, groomed etc, I couldn’t care less tbh if hair messy and frizzy, overweight etc if it were my friend and isn’t my personal priority either

Reasons why as a woman i have not complimented another woman on her appearance:

1. She seems unfriendly which i later realised is often insecurity and shyness rather than arrogance mostly.
2. She is too insecure and doesnt accept compliments well i know complimenting her will be awkward for both of us so i just leave it
3. I dont like the change she had
4. I really didnt notice
5. Im annoyed at her for something else
6. We arent close enough for me to comment on her appearance

Men dont care about balayge and can and do overlook an ugly face if she has a nice body. You are probably receiving male attention but not noticing it because its not from men you like or fancy. The biggest thing in womens appearance is having a 'good' body that you show off in revealing tight clothes and then the hair. Most men are too busy staring at the body to care about a face.

I never ever comment on physical appearance, not going out of may way not to, I’ll think “oh aren’t they pretty, or what beautiful eyes” etc but it doesn’t ever occur to me to say anything to them directly.

This.

Well said @APocketOfGooseFood

I think sometimes attractive people may receive fewer compliments because people assume they know that they look attractive?

God yes, this is grim!

Yes, of course I'm fucking joking.

Why do.you care?
As long as you feel good about yourself why does it matter
Beauty is subjective anyway I don't necessarily think people who spend hours on their hair and make up and spend £££ s on treatments etc look more beautiful
Personally I think a more m natural look is nicer but that's just me.

I’ve never had a boyfriend, never had anyone fancy me. I remember at school when I was 16 a boy called me ugly and it’s always stuck with me. His friend had been teasing him that he fancied me and he got fed up and said ‘of course I don’t fancy her, she’s ugly no offence’ right in front of me.

Next time I would spend the £250 in some therapy to unpick why you feel like this. It will benefit you far more in the long run than a hairdo

You have definitely had people fancy you @itsanok

But you are never going to feel good about yourself if all your validation comes from others.

That boy at school sounds like a twat- pretending he never fancied you because he was teased- so who cares what he thinks really. Much more important is how you think about yourself.

Your post made me very sad to read.

I think this too. Since Me Too men are wary of making comments.

You don't need to be beautiful to be attractive.

Look around at all the married/partnered people you know. Are they are all beautiful? Are they all smart, funny and intelligent? Of course not.

People fancy people for all kinds of reasons. The way they laugh. The way they smile. The way their bum looks. The kind thing they did for them. Their sweet modesty or the way they stand up for people or... anything.

You don't have to be the 8th most beautiful girl at university to be attractive. You'll be attractive to the right person. You just haven't (knowingly) met them yet.

From your post you sound really insecure.

It really doesn't matter that you use the best or most expensive products.
Have you considered using things you like and work for you, looking the way you are happy and comfortable with?
You will get more compliments if people sense you are happy with yourself, but tbh the vibes you give off probably stop people complementing you because you sound like you just want the attention.

Compliments are nice but they're not the be all and end all.

Find out what you like and who you want to be, work on that instead.

@scop
In case you haven't realised it by now - your comment about 8th out of 200 is awful on so so many levels. And you wrote it like you were proud of it!!
If men EVER rank girls the thing to do is, en masse, call them out on their appalling behaviour. Not go around boasting about your position. That is beyond shocking.

There's a stereotype conventional attractive that people compliment. Those girls are often bitches as they have been complimented their entire life. I can't imagine you are unattractive but people don't always compliment and it sucks but you shouldn't live your life waiting for compliments. If you are confident and a nice person and has their character complimented that's the best thing as you can't buy that. Maybe start giving others compliments and see how that goes. Don't feel down on yourself, I know it's almost impossible not to but it will make you depressed. Find the beauty in yourself, and it doesn't have to be physical beauty.

Exactly this (with the exception of pretty girls being bitches) most women don’t get complimented on their looks/attention. I know there’s loads in the media about women who say they are so tired of all the attention they get but that’s not something the majority of women actually experience. From what I’ve seen (and I work with a lot of families) sadly the very pretty girls don’t always end up attracting the best type of guys so many lovely and pretty girls I know end up with a string of no good men and failed relationships where as plenty of average looking girls I know are in very happy long term marriages

OP - do you have 'resting bitch face?' Do you smile? Are you approachable?

Even if you are the most attractive person in the room if you have RBF most people will be put off by that.

I do know how hurtful it is to be called 'ugly' at 16, something similar happened to me, it stays with you. But they are a 16 year old boy who is being a dick so try to rationalise it as such.

If you have never been given a compliment by anyone, ever - good friends, family - it might be you look immaculate all the time so there is no difference to them in your appearance to them. Or you are giving a RBF vibe.

Yep exactly, agree pretty girls tend to never be good enough fir their equally attractive boyfriends and will quite often be cheated on.

@Screamingabdabz, you missed the sarcasm in @MasterBeth‘s post by about a thousand miles

• wharminere External beauty comes from bone structure. All the make up and hair cuts in the world can't compensate for average bone structure.

And this helps OP how?*

To understand that as with the vast majority of us, she's not possessed with features that are considered beautiful and garner compliments?

Only eighth? 🤣. That'll be why.

So perhaps practice being smiley and also complementing others as much as possible- be what you can to attract

I agree with this I list 25kg in three months after my baby was born due to stress from his father leaving me and I have never had so many compliments on my figure. People think they're being nice and giving me an ego boost but all it tells me is that I shouldn't eat much!