To think I must just be unattractive?

[itsanok]

I spend a lot of time and money on my appearance, but I never get complimented from friends or family, and never receive male attention. I feel quite sad about it, I'm in my 20s and feel invisible.

I paid £250 for my hair to be cut and balayaged and nobody has mentioned it, let alone given a compliment (even just a fake compliment to be nice). I have all of the best beauty products (hundreds of pounds worth) yet my hair always looks frizzy and a mess, and my face always looks plain despite having a full face of makeup on.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't have any ugly features, I just think I must be so plain that I'm invisible?

That look seems so common these days too

My previous employer actually gave a mandatory EDI training about two years ago where we were told to never comment on a person’s appearance, either positive or negative.

The trainer said even if, for example, a person has a big weight loss, it may be due to bereavement, divorce or illness so it’s best to never say anything about someone’s appearance. People are much less likely to comment on appearances these days (especially men) because it’s un-PC to do so.

Maybe you have crappy friends and family. I'm sorry you feel like this. Do you notice them compliment other people?

scop · Today 21:28

Sometimes i think unless 9-10/10 or ugly, u wont get attention really.

Im prob 7-8/10, eg voted 8th best looking out of 200 girls in uni halls, get some looks but left alone. Maybe wedding ring puts people off. Unless ur obviously beautiful or single maybe men leave alone

Tbh i find men more flirty at work (smart bank) but maybe its cos they know theyre friends etc and its prof enviotnmrnh so wont read into it?

Think men are less forward since 'me too' and catcalling made illegal etc

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

ohhh thanks @scop ive had a rubbish evening and that made me laugh.

I have rubbish bone structure and a face like a potato as I've aged, but I am smiley and a happy person, and even I get chatted up.

It sounds like your family aren't very forthright with compliments and that's a shame, it's always nice if someone notices a new outfit or that you are looking well or something like that, I get compliments from my mum and I also give compliments back to my family. I compliment my brother on his new shoes or something. It's nice to think you are appreciated but I don't think you can change them much- can you talk to any of them?

As for more widely, friendly happy people tend to do pretty well. Are you looking for a date? OLD is a bit of a shark pit but I'd be surprised if you had nice hair and a nice face and didn't get any response. I don't think men fall down in the street at most women, polite nice men say nothing and horrible full of themselves or drunk ones just made stupid or even aggressive remarks.

I think you are expecting a level of approval that might not be forthcoming on the street. It's also fine to look twice (but don't stare or make someone feel uncomfortable) at a nice man and they might then look back.

People will advise you to get wise and quit simpering after validation - and they're correct! But i think many of us have had our moments, we've been there, even if it only flits through our heads on occasion. And you are very young!

I was extremely good looking in my 20's, it brought more pain than pleasure, and people very rarely told me I was attractive. I didn't work for it though, so didn't really care. I still consider myself lucky at 49, but in a different way, but not much has changed. Physical beauty isn't a score card that fills up, nor does it deserve recognition. it's all a crapshoot at the end of the day.

You don't owe anyone good looks or high maintenance. And likewise no one owes you recognition for it. Try to take it easy. Life goes by so fast.

you are trying.
go right back to.....you

I don’t get much attention even though I should. I do however have a giant ‘Fuck off’ signed stamped on my forehead. Didn’t mean to have it but it’s deffo there…life traumas and all that.

You might be giving out a ‘vibe’ OP. I doubt you are truly unattractive - I rarely see people who are genuinely ugly, more that they have a poor sense of style or are not very well put together. Bet I could do a ‘she’s all that’ makeover on you!

Do you have a close friend who you trust that you could ask about you look?

You had a vote to rank all the female students at uni🙁

Many people are hesitant to comment to someone about their appearance, even
if it's a compliment. I remember once many years ago I complimented someone on their weight loss and they got offended because they thought I was calling them fat before! 🙄. Ever since, I never compliment anyone on their appearance.

People tend to not comment or compliment anyone unless there is a dramatic difference. Try to not take it as a personal impliication about your appearance.

To be honest, I agree with the others that nice hair won’t make up for average facial features/bone structure etc.

Im prob 7-8/10, eg voted 8th best looking out of 200 girls in uni halls

I'm intrigued @scop did they rank the entire 200 or just, like the top 20 or something? 🤯

And this helps OP how?

stop seeking validation from others, only you can truly validate yourself

You are joking right? ‘Well done’? For what? Being attractive to male slime who would rank women based on looks?

What does your partner think?
or do you not have one, and blame it on your looks?

Your confidence is a big factor, it comes across in your writing. Stop caring about others, care about what you think, be happy, feel good, get fit. People will notice you.

I do know that guys usually go for girls within or just above their league. Have a look at the guys you've dated or who have had interest in you and it might help you understand how you're perceived?
If you're an 8/9/19 you'll get compliments from women usually more than men because lots of men would be intimidated or see a 9/10 to be out of their league.
Usually 6/7 get the most attention I'd say?

Either way just be confident and people will gravitate towards it. Confident, happy, kind people are always the most attractive!!
Hope you are okay xxx

It sounds like self esteem is the culprit here, not your looks.

Isn’t £250 standard? I have to pay £300 to maintain blonde.

Also tbh it doesn’t matter that you’re spending x amount of beauty products as they genuinely may not be suited to your skin type. Why not invest in going to a dermatologist? Or if you like your skin then go to somewhere like Charlotte Tilbury for a makeup update.

Maybe you’re just not comfortable in your own skin and it projects - happens to me,

I do get what you mean OP, my two friends compliment each other all the time. I don’t think they’ve ever told me that I look nice.

TBH, I like your type of look rather than the really made-up, high-heeled, glossy kind. I'm like you and so are all my friends. I always notice when they've had their hair done, though, and do say something, because I know they like it. That's what friends do. Perhaps that's where you need to work.

Crikey I'm glad I'm not your friend

@MasterBeth was being sarcastic.

Love it, too funny, especially the 'smart bank'😂