Aibu to ask for a bag for a special b day ( like 50th)

[Notoldeeally]

Hi , its a ‘ special’ b day this year. My d step m asked me what I wd like for my b day and referred to it as my special b day.

i said a certain bag which is £80

i admit i half heartedly felt i had to check it was ok and said if its too much £ tell me

she is not struggling for money . She has several holidays a year . Not skegness! But we are talking african and indian tours.

I got a message saying i will give you £ 60 towards the bag

with all the choices she have i wd have liked her to make the choice to buy the bag

ive messaged saying as my b day drawers nearer i feel that i dont want to contribute to my b day present and explained i was simply being polite asking if it was too much and that people do like to be treated .

aibu?
She treats herself and i just wanted that to be applied to me .

I know it may sound childish. History here .

That is a bit cheeky (of you.)

I mean i have to contribute 20 to my own gift

Why is it cheeky is soemone asks what you want and can easliy get it

Well now you get to contribute 100% to your own gift after being so ungrateful and refusing a gift of 75% of the cost of the bag you want. Good job.

Okay if your daugter asked for a gift you cd well afford you wd ask them to contribute to their gift ? Okay

Dictating how much people should spend on you for your birthday according to how you believe they should be spending their money rather takes all the meaning away from ‘gift’

I think you are a bit cheeky to be honest. Just because someone is well off doesn't mean they owe you an expensive gift. My children understand that gifts are sometimes too expensive and they can contribute pocket money or ask their siblings to use present buying budget towards a more expensive gift. I'd be bemused to have an adult try to push me into buying a more expensive gift than I'd planned.

You're, presumably, an adult though. You've no right to dictate what someone spends their money on.

Let's be realistic though it isn't about you having to put some money towards the bag, I think you'd be just as annoyed if she'd come back and said "too expensive for me, sorry." Your issue, in my opinion, is that you want the bag and expect someone else to buy it for you because you feel they earn enough to buy what you want.

It depends on what she normally spends on you - I certainly wouldn't ask for a gift bigger than that. I get the impression that he upper limit was £60 - is that in line with other gifts?

Your second message about not contributing towards your own birthday present was beyond unreasonable and extremely grabby.

You're not her daughter, though.
Not convinced you're about to be 50 either.

Spoilt madame my mum would say!

Hope that milestone birthday "like 50th" is actually 18th.

Embarrassed for you in so many ways while trying to read that mess.

I have said ok i dont want to contribute and am happy with something in her price range
i dont understand why a wealthy person cant just get it .

they soend that in self in blink of an eye

I am not spolit .
she asked me what i wanted .
as she is wealthy i thought a bag was ok
if it was an issue - money that is - she could have said what do want this is my budget? Id get that .

I am sorry, but you appear in the wrong here, OP. It is irrelevant how much this person treats herself, or whether she can easily afford it. She could earn millions and it would still not be ok. You can never dictate a gift's value to someone. Doing so, and you doubling down on her earning and spending, just makes it seem like you see her in a transactionary way.

I think 60 quid on a special birthday is a reasonable amount.

They can spend their money however they want, if that's on themself then so be it. Why don't you buy your own bag instead of whining?

It doesn't matter if someone is a multimillionaire. You can't demand a certain item. She asked for a suggestion, you gave one, she offered to pay for 3/4 of it. Most polite people would have said 'thanks so much'. You didn't and are still saying she's rude. It's not up to you to dictate how much someone spends on a gift for you.

I am not wining.
i just dont get why a person asks what you want and then say you cant have it .
a limit up to 60 say or 20 or ten would have been fine

Because you picked something too expensive? Why is that so hard to understand? It sounds like instead of saying "no" your stepmum has offered £60 towards the bag because that's what you want rather than buying something else for £60. She's probably thinking "at least this way OP gets most of the money towards the bag she wants."

Can your dad put £20 towards it and then you’ve got the whole bag?

Bloody hell the punctuation and abbreviations in your post make it annoying to read OP.

Also, YABU.

I'd think it odd if my mum did this (usually range £250 or so I think)

If you normally get something around £100say and were asked if you wa ted something special for your big birthday I can't see £80 is too much and offering £60 is very much "i don't want to go beyond my arbitrary budget for you"

(Though I appreciate she is a step mother here and am just basing it on previous experience of usually getting nice gifts)

when I read the title I thought you asked for a bag of like £1k in which case I think that’s a huge gift. However , to me £80 isn’t a lot for a close family member ( or a bag!) and I certainly wouldn’t quibble over £20 difference in what I was planning to spend and the cost of what the person wanted ( rather spend slightly more for something they really want)

So, it all seems a bit odd to me if I’m honest, that said, in your situation I would just graciously accept the £60 and pay the rest ( you might get other birthday money?) and still get then bag I wanted.

I’d have given a couple of options

I can’t believe what I’m reading…

Would you expect this gift from other relatives or just her because she is wealthy?