Aibu to ask for a bag for a special b day ( like 50th)

[Notoldeeally]

Hi , its a ‘ special’ b day this year. My d step m asked me what I wd like for my b day and referred to it as my special b day.

i said a certain bag which is £80

i admit i half heartedly felt i had to check it was ok and said if its too much £ tell me

she is not struggling for money . She has several holidays a year . Not skegness! But we are talking african and indian tours.

I got a message saying i will give you £ 60 towards the bag

with all the choices she have i wd have liked her to make the choice to buy the bag

ive messaged saying as my b day drawers nearer i feel that i dont want to contribute to my b day present and explained i was simply being polite asking if it was too much and that people do like to be treated .

aibu?
She treats herself and i just wanted that to be applied to me .

I know it may sound childish. History here .

whilst I may have thought that she could have afforded the extra £20 I would have said ‘lovely, thank you’ then made a point of showing her what her birthday money had paid towards.

I'm with you OP. I think she's being tight. What difference does £20 make - just get the bag.

here i think its more of an issue with the actual relationship

If she has been a step mother since you are young and your dad died - i can see it may be an issue if she got all dads estate (none for your mum or you) and is spending it now.

if dad was alive, he'd buy the bag. if he was married to mum when died, mum would have money to buy the bag from his estate. But his money went to step mum who doesn't want to buy any bag for his kids.

If it's that sort of situation, then yes its difficult all round and "unfair" compared to what may have been if dad wasn't dead.

It does seem a bit weird to refuse a £80 present but offer £60 cash, when the difference is only £20.

I am 50 in 2 weeks!! I would gladly accept their offer and happily put money towards something I really wanted - doesn’t matter how much money she has, as it’s her choice how she spends it!

Hmmm, it takes me back to my 50th when I asked my sis for a shredder. She wouldn't get it for me: not because it was too expensive but because she didn't think a shredder was good present 😥She got me some lovely DMs and my bestie got me the shedder. I LOVE my shredder 😍

Sorry for the hijack: just reminiscing 🤗

How disgustingly entitled you sound! It doesn't matter how wealthy she may be, it's her choice how she chooses to spend her own money, you have no automatic right to it, big birthday or not!

There is history here . She once gave me half of an old item . The second half was needed to make the thing actually complete . I had just hoped she wd be ok as she asked me what in wanted

I think you’re unreasonable sorry. It was obviously over her budget

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing then why not tell me an amount she had in mind .

i would be so happy to spend time hat amount on my dd

i have far far less of an income. I could never afford for eg her last holiday . and that amount of money is peanuts to her . Its like a£5 .honestly.
to me family is about sharing
.

So it seems like she doesn't have form for buying you expensive gifts then?

So a step-child isn't a son/daughter then? All the bleating on and on here about blended families and how worth it they are? Bollocks, isn't it?

That's a nasty comment that you made about OP not being a daughter to her step mother, there was no indication that there isn't a relationship there but, I imagine you just needed to get the dig in. Pathetic!

To all the other posters banging on about punctuation, etc. if your own comprehension is that lacking then why not move on? Why must you post your unnecessary comments about it?

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OP, try to stop thinking of what money other people have and what you think they should be spending on you. You left the door open for your step mother to comment on your suggestion, and she did. Try to be grateful and gracious about it. You owe her an apology, don't let this be a 'thing' because if she does contribute to your bag, you will remember the bad feelings every time you use it.

Luxell934 no she does not . But I was asked what i wanted ... in her words” for your special b day”. So i askwd for a bag less than £100 .Why not get the bag when you can afford it instead of holding back the 20 quid ? Makes no sense to me

this is the person who used to give my dc half used colouring books from the charity shop . Or pound shop whilst buying expensive items elsewere , new cars etc , and saying you get what you pay for .. sorry but it feels mean to me withholding ..

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thanks . I will .

You said if too much let you know etc, that’s what she is doing, letting you know £60 is the budget. I get you don’t want to contribute to your own bag, so I guess either choose a cheaper one, or let her buy something she thinks you’d like. Maybe it is upsetting as she’s quite wealthy, but many people still have budgets and guess she was probably thinking more around £50

I am wealthy and have far more disposable income than most of my family and some of my friends. I have learned that when this is the case, some people will have very strong opinions on how the wealthy person should spend their money. “What’s €100 to you?”, “sure that’s a drop in the ocean”, “you wouldn’t notice it” etc. They can be very spendy when it’s not their money!

My adult DS who only earns a little more than minimum wage insisted on paying for me to go to Brugge for a long weekend. I suggested he just paid towards it and I pay the rest but he was outraged. Your DC sounds mean.

What does that even mean?
How were things typed in 2005 that has changed?

Just one of those posters that has to post something snarky. Makes no sense but, it has to post anyway. Sad.

If your stepmum isn't usually generous then I don't see why that would change now. Probably would've been best to ascertain a budget before suggesting gifts.

Fwiw I like my stepchildren and wouldn't begrudge them an £80 bag, or indeed an £800 one if I could afford it.

If you aren't close though, you were probably setting yourself up for disappointment. Not sure why you didn't graciously accept £60 though? The whole dynamic seems strained and odd.

Asking for the bag in response to her question is reasonable.

Her going £20 under after not giving you a limit (presuming she can afford £80) is weird.

Your response to her offer is out of order and a bit ‘cut your nose off to spite your face ‘.

But this makes no sense to me. How can you deem her able to afford it? Do you have access to her bank account? Do you know all her out goings? Do you know if she has any debt?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

You gave a suggestion for a gift, as asked for. You checked to see if that was too expensive for the giver. It was (her choice).

If she only wants to spend £60 on your gift, that's fine, but buying three quarters of a bag is a shit gift. She should buy something else in full and within her budget. It shouldn't be up to you to contribute to your own birthday present.

My DS is 13 and if he wants something more expensive for Christmas or birthday than I usually allow then yes I do ask him to contribute even if I could afford the full amount. An example is I usually give him £200 - £250 for Christmas, if he wants a £300 phone then he will have to pay £50 towards it because a £250 is perfectly fine for a child of his age (I wouldn't pay more for a phone for myself)! He is a good age to learn that he can't always have what he wants, the value of things and how to budget. I also don't want him having an entitled attitude ... just because I CAN afford to pay out for something it doesn't automatically mean he has the right to expect it from me.