Aibu to ask for a bag for a special b day ( like 50th)

[Notoldeeally]

Hi , its a ‘ special’ b day this year. My d step m asked me what I wd like for my b day and referred to it as my special b day.

i said a certain bag which is £80

i admit i half heartedly felt i had to check it was ok and said if its too much £ tell me

she is not struggling for money . She has several holidays a year . Not skegness! But we are talking african and indian tours.

I got a message saying i will give you £ 60 towards the bag

with all the choices she have i wd have liked her to make the choice to buy the bag

ive messaged saying as my b day drawers nearer i feel that i dont want to contribute to my b day present and explained i was simply being polite asking if it was too much and that people do like to be treated .

aibu?
She treats herself and i just wanted that to be applied to me .

I know it may sound childish. History here .

Find a bag within your step mum's price range and tell her which bag it is. She can then buy it for you

Stop deciding how much people should spend on you

FYI..... I'm guessing she doesn't like you very much because you're spoilt and entitled so she's set a limit of £60

Actually having now fully read the updates I'm wondering something OP

Your mum passed away, dad remarries and he passes? I hope you don't mind my asking but was there any inheritance or did mums money go to dad and then dads (and mums) money then go to Step mum? If so I can understand the ill feeling over a bag more.

Paying towards the bag is not shit
If you got a £60 gift voucher as a gift and saw a coat at £80 would you be saying I need to get something I like less so the full cost is covered?
I certainly wouldn't I would be really pleased I only had to pay £20

Maybe she just doesn't like you ?

You’re a CF, especially if there’s history

Wow you should be embarrassed! How old are you turning because you should know better. To be so rude and cringe about your reply- I am embarrassed just reading that.

My stepdad must hate me then cos i got a christmas cactus for my birthday 🤣. I was made up with it though. He usually forgets.

I hate all this 'but she can afford it'!

She's perfectly entitled to have a spending cap on what she generously wants to spend on your birthday regardless of her Dina oak position.

You are incredibly entitled.

Hard one. Of course everyone is right with not deciding what others should spend and so on.

However, this isn't about a bag as such. This is about a relationship which has never completely worked, where you were somehow acknowledged, but never completely. My best guess now is, that it sounded like a chance for one nice interaction between you two, and now you are disappointed.

If it is so, YANBU to be sad or feel she again makes things harder just because who she is. YAB a bit U to get caught into this trap of expectations and refusal (presumably) again.

I think vouchers or cash are pretty thoughtless gifts.

She probably has a set budget for gifts for people, whether she can afford it or not. You sound very spoiled.

You are whining. On a public forum.

Not unreasonable at all.

I have friends who were gifted Chanel bags and the like.

Everything depends on the context.

uh yeah, my parents have definitely done this? Just because they could technically afford to spend a certain amount on a birthday doesn’t mean they want to or should have to. Putting money towards a more expensive item is definitely normal in my family.

Short hand typing such as ‘cd,’ ‘wd.’ Rarely seen these days as it barely makes sense

🤣 if you say so!

You would still be getting an £80 bag for £20 so I don't see the issue. £60 seems generous to me.

Spoiled? Her mum died when she was little, this stepmum has been her only mother since 6 years old, her dad has since died and we don't know if op has seen any inheritance but I'd assume not yet as this woman raised her not like a step mum but like mum. And is spending on exotic holidays. But won't spent 80 quid on essentially her daughters 50th bday? And you get spoiled? Really!

This is one of the grabbiest threads I've seen in a long time. All this whining of 'but she can afford it'...

I cannot believe you text her and said not to bother, that you were just being polite and 'people do like to be treated'.

My parents in law are very well off and routinely spend £60 on me for my birthday. I consider it quite generous and it doesn't ever occur to me that as they're rich, they should spend more.

Jesus you're rude!

I honestly think the daughter is being an ass. Seriously for someone with money 80 quid is not much at all. And for a big birthday.
I presume you’ve spent her life worrying about her and buying her gifts. What a piece of work. I don’t blame you for your reaction @Notoldeeally

Your pil. What about your own parents? This appears to be ops mum since 6 years old! Not some distant relative. Her dad is dead.

My mum used to think like that until she realised that people are better with money or voucher to get what they want rather than buy random tat they might not like.

In this instance there is a specific item OP want so choosing a different random item she might or might not like seems a little silly.

People need to get over vouchers being somehow a bad gift and be a little more open to what is the best option for each person. In some cases a voucher is more personally selected than buying a gift.

Surely putting money towards a bigger present than they budgeted for, is a perfectly normal thing to do?