To take my toddler to a psychologist

[Whyisitsosohard]

I acknowledge my 2.5 YO is what most MN users would consider naughty but everyone I speak to in real life says her behaviour is typical for a toddler. My biggest concerns are her hitting (me, her sister, the pets) and bedtime refusal.

She doesn't nap and is exhausted by 7 but she shouts and screams every time we try and leave the room. We've had the same routine since birth. Invariably I lose my temper after 12 hours of being shouted no at.

We struggle to implement consequences because there's nothing she cares about us taking away (tv, toys etc). We explain every time why hitting is wrong or why she needs sleep. Her communication is excellent so I don't think that's what's frustrating her. We praise good behaviour all the time so it's not as if we're always telling her off.

Nothing has changed recently and nursery haven't said they have any specific issues but always refer to her as headstrong, spirited etc so I'm sure they also find her a PITA at times. I want her to grow up to be a kind person but I'm scared she's walking all over us.

My therapist is also qualified in child psychology and has offered a joint session. Aibu to accept?

Hmmm if you husband has adhd then I strongly advise you to do a lot of research into it, the current thinking on inheritance and possible ways it can affect young children.
Then go from there…

Our sleep consultant helped schedule out our whole day as well as helping the bedtime routine and strategies to use to deal with waking up at night.

My son was an extremely "headstrong" child and there were so so many nights I went to bed so upset with how he'd behaved that day. I have looked up behaviour consultants many times because I felt like he was out of control.

He's now 5 and honestly there is light at the end of the tunnel. He still occasionally can have an epic tantrum, but slowly slowly I have started to see improvements.

It happens so gradually I have to remind myself what life used to be like.

I really feel for you. I now have a 2 year old daughter and she is a completely different child, so I firmly believe it's the child not the parent.

What you’re describing just sounds like regular toddler behaviour. Those years are hard - they just are. There’s often no way of managing it other than to try and carve out some time for yourself and remember that this too shall pass - you’ll be on to another phase soon and this will all be in the rear view.

Something that helped me re toddler bedtime and all the faffing that they do around that time (more water, another story, going to the toilet for the umpteenth time..) is that they just want to be with you. My DD does all of this and more - especially on days when she’s been at nursery and hasn’t seen me. She just needs extra time. I’ve just had to lean into it and it actually makes for a pleasant 1:1 time before sleep.

IMHO sleep consultants - would never bother with one.

I think dad having adhd is highly relevant here. I agree with pp who said to read up on this and adopt strategies with this in mind.

Well that's a very relevant drip feed.

As I said, no one can rule out ND. However I don't think your child needs a child psychologist.

If you suspect ADHD, go to your GP and start reading up.

But also - if you think ADHD is possible, it is even more important you sort out these ideas you have about her doing things 'on purpose'.

Invariably I lose my temper after 12 hours of being shouted no at.

learnt behaviour… you will continue to go round in circles until you stay calm. If you can’t stay calm how can you expect your 2.5 year old to? She will learn that you losing your temper equals results, don’t do that. Incredibly hard I know.

I don’t think she should be going to see a psychologist, that’s extreme and a lot of responsibility on a toddler!! You should start with parenting classes.

How are they at toddler groups op? My ds used to hit out loads at other kids. So much so that I had to stop going. Turned out he had autism and adhd.

That wouldn't usually be diagnosed till a lot older though.

Just seen PPs suggest ADHD as so many do when there’s some behaviour issues. No one will look at you and an ADHD diagnosis without parenting classes first.

Hi, I had a toddler who used to hit and kick at this age. I tried talking at his level. Taking toys away, naughty step. Did not work.

What did work - I would say - mummy won't play with you when you hit/kick and leave the room. Each time.

That worked

Hi any updates please ?