DS11 called DS(just turned 2) an annoying little cunt

[Itnerd2018]

How seriously would you take it and how would you deal with it?

I’m probably unusual in my attitude to children swearing: I know they do it among themselves, and hearing it doesn’t bother me. So my first thought would be to wonder whether the toddler was indeed being particularly annoying.

Having said that, I would take it seriously. I would take DS aside and tell him that most people perceive words like ‘cunt’ as highly aggressive, and it’s too aggressive to be used about a two year old. I would ask him to rephrase it in future to something more appropriate, and in a calmer tone of voice.

And if he’s finding himself getting extremely annoyed at the two year old, it’s his responsibility to remove himself from the situation, and ask you to intervene if necessary.

@GrumpyOldCrone has a very level headed response.

He’s a toddler. He probably is being an annoying little cunt. It’s what toddlers are!!

But then it’s your house and it’s up to you if you don’t like the swearing. In our home, it doesn’t matter

I’d leave my husband. Completely unacceptable and verbally abusive.

This is absolutely unacceptable. I am very taken aback by the nonchalant responses above.

😂😂

Why should she leave her husband?

Sorry. DS not DH. I’d switch off Wi-Fi for a while

Unfortunately not an option given the perpetrator is actually her other child.

I agree 😂 I can't imagine it's easy for an 11 year old living with a toddler.

Even when it was her son who swore?

I think you are unlikely to get a better response than this OP

I think you need to react quite strongly because if your ds perceives you don't mind too much, there will be more. How about when he tells you or his teacher the same? Yes kids swear with their mates. They need to know you don't swear at home with their parents and siblings or with teachers, adults in the community etc.

I would speak to him about the language and to walk away but I do imagine a 2 year old is very annoying for a 11 year old. I would also ensure the 11 year old has some space where the 2 year can't get in to.

Why would you leave your husband?🤔

Well is he?

I imagine he is. 2 year olds are annoying!

I'd probably just tell DS11 that the use of the word 'cunt' should be kept to outside of the home, it is too widely known aggressive a term to use on his little brother. I'd not do any more than that.

I was quite relaxed about swearing. But I did not allow this particular word
or any other misogynist language to be used in my hearing. But it's important to detach the swearing from the behaviour. I would want to know why he was so angry and frustrated with his brother and what we could do to make it easier. It's OK to find toddlers annoying. I found mine annoying and I chose to have them! He needs strategies. And he needs to remove himself from the situation if he doesn't like it. And he needs to know that he can tell you he needs to escape.

It's one thing to use that language amongst peers but unacceptable to say to a 2 year old even if they are behaving in an annoying way.
If he said it to you out of earshot of ds2 then did ds2 do something annoying ? He's not unreasonable to think it as 2 year olds can be very annoying but he's 11 and not the parent so has better/easier ways of dealing with his brother's behaviour like staying in his room.

You’d leave him because you can’t read? Ok

I would tell him that language was completely unacceptable, that I was shocked he'd used it and that he was never to use it again. Then i'd find out what his brother did that was so annoying, and try to come up with a way, with his input, to reduce the tension between them.

Same.

Hmm. If this happened, I would tell him it’s absolutely not acceptable to direct or use that word to anyone in our house. I’d be serious and stern enough that hopefully he would understand that I have zero tolerance of it being used in this way.

I would assume that at 11, he thought he was being cool, but didn’t understand that ‘cunt’ is seen as a very aggressive and offensive term. So a serious chat, set expectations and move on, presuming this is not a pattern of concerning behaviour/attitude toward his younger sibling.

How is he with his sibling in general? Does he have his own room or a space that he can go to without his toddler sibling being allowed?

DS2 wasn't annoying him at the time. He was playing on a game and I was changing DS2 who was trying to escape, I said "DS2 you're being a pain in the bum" and that's when DS11 turned and said "yeah DS2 you're an annoying little cunt" 😬

You’d leave your husband because your 11 year old son, who may not even be your DH’s child, said “cunt”? Ok.