DS11 called DS(just turned 2) an annoying little cunt

[Itnerd2018]

How seriously would you take it and how would you deal with it?

So you'd leave a husband but for a DS you'd just switch off the Internet for a bit?? Ridiculous - it needs a harsher punishment than that. I'd make him go and play outside for a bit

For those who are relaxed about swearing, would you be happy if your partner called your child that term? If not what are you teaching your 11yo?

Either he’s just trying to get a reaction or he doesn’t realise that cunt is considered more offensive than other swear words he could have used. Probably the former to be honest. Either way, blowing up at him won’t help. I would have simply said “we don’t use that word in this house” and, if pressed, explained its misogynistic overtones. I don’t think it’s that big a deal to be honest.

So it sounds like it wasn't said in a particularly aggressive way? You said pain in the bum, he agreed and used the word cunt. So it sounds more like he doesn't understand the implications of using particular words. In which case I wouldn't punish him at all, I'd discuss it with him, with whatever rules for swearing you have in your house, and the fact that using the word cunt with other people may get him into a lot of trouble.

This is assuming this isn't a frequent issue that you've already spoken to him about.

I'd also be harsher if it was more aggressive, eg younger child being slightly annoying, older child screams "you're a cunt" in their face.

No, but I know that a child’s brain and an adult brain are different, and therefore my responses to their behaviour would be different. An 11 year old saying “cunt” either doesn’t really know what they’re saying — in which case a simple explanation of why it’s unacceptable is all that’s needed — or is just trying to provoke a reaction – in which case, giving them one is counterproductive.

From your update I'm assuming he may not know what the word means or even if he does might not realise that it's not an acceptable/interchangeable word that he can just be used. At least he said it at home and not at school in front of a teacher. You can have a calm chat so he understands.

Does he maybe not understand how extreme that word is?.

My rule with swearing will always be that I know they will do it, but there’s times and places that it’s acceptable and I don’t think swearing at your younger sibling in front of your mum is one of those times. But if it’s a one off I’d explain that it wasn’t appropriate and move on, a harsher punishment would come if they continued to swear.

Well that changes it, he just took your lead and escalated.

That made me laugh more than it should have 🤣

This made my morning!

I would explain very emphatically that that language is not acceptable and why:

• he gets into the habit of using that word (and other swearing) it will get him into trouble at school and give people a bad impression of him. Which would be a waste to undermine all his good qualities

• Tell him that it means vagina and it is an unpleasant thing to do to use women’s bodies as an insult. There is nothing wrong with vaginas and women, like men, deserve to feel confident about their bodies.

I would tell him it is OK not to want his DSis to annoy him but not respond like that and if he dies it again he will lose privileges.

Classic response, stupid but classic.

it needs a harsher punishment than that. I'd make him go and play outside for a bit

Playing outside is a harsh punishment? Maybe get him a spa day as well and really make him suffer.

Same here. My 14 year old wouldnt dream of using that word in front of dh or I. What language they use with their mates is one thing, but to their family??? No way, not in my house!

I'd come down on that.

Swearing in context is fair enough in this house, but swearing at each other isn't something I tolerate. I also don't tolerate swearing in front of very young children.

Also the fact he used cunt so easily means he either doesn't realise how offensive many people find it or he does and he doesn't care. Neither of those are good options.

It's a big word for a small kid. I love that word - it's my favourite swear word but I'd be telling my daughter of a similar age that it's not appropriate yet. I don't like kids swearing so I don't want to hear it. I'd also teach him that it's a word he needs to use in the right audience. I sound a bit pearl clutching here, I'm honestly not.

I’d be shocked at that word from such a young child and would be extremely cross. I don’t give a fuck about swearing but our rules were never at someone and not out of the house or when we had visitors.

And not cunt from/in front of children.

How is it her husband fault? You mean leading by example and 11 year old picked it up, that's some leap!

Is he a year 7? I suspect that he's been hearing much worse language now that he's at secondary.

Having read your update I would tell ds1 off for going too far with his "banter" and you don't want ds2 learning swear words from him.

Yuck. 11 year olds shouldn't be swearing like that

I’m a primary teacher, so I encounter a lot of children. 🙂
I’ve had ‘I’m just crap at spelling’
’He’s an arsehole’
’Don’t nick my fucking rubber again’
and other phrases not OK in the classroom.
Do you and other adults swear around him, or is he in environments where it’s normalised, like football clubs?
Is it the first time he’s sworn like this?
Either way, you need to show him where your boundaries are and stick to them. He’ll continue to swear, but you need to be clear where you won’t tolerate it. Then if he chooses to swear again, you think of an appropriate consequence for him.

Sounds like he was trying to be funny rather than being aggressive. I’d tell him we don’t swear at each other in our house (assuming that’s true) and that he’ll get into big trouble using that word at school or other peoples houses. Then I’d forget about it (and probably laugh about it later because it sounds pretty funny)

The wonderful ‘banter’ where we excuse males for using misogynistic terms

At that age I repeated several swearwords at home and got tood off but I hadn’t even known they were swearwords.

Explain to your DS that some swearwords are worse than ofhers and that one is particularly offensive and not ok.