DS11 called DS(just turned 2) an annoying little cunt

[Itnerd2018]

How seriously would you take it and how would you deal with it?

I would also be wondering how you might feel if your toddler starts using such language when a little older. I am guessing that could be a bit embarrassing.

Peak Mumsnet!
Of course it’s his fault.

Who has taught your 11 year old to swear,? it's horrible to call anyone that, let alone a toddler, it's nasty abusive behaviour

? Where did he enter the story?

Not kidding, if my parents had heard me use that word at that age to my younger brother (who was and is what your 11 yo said and in spite of that was treated like spun glass), I cannot think about the consequences. I was about 15 before I heard the word, fortunately. However, I would not have been forgiven, ever and would probably not have got anything for Christmas.

I think your 11 year old needs to understand that he should not be talking to his very small sibling like that and that it's bullying. Does he feel his brother gets too much positive attention, perhaps?

I work with similar age children and have had several instances where they've said something inappropriate without fully understanding it.

He's probably just repeating something an older child has said.
So you need a frank conversation.

And maybe not refer to your toddler as a pain in the bum in front of either of your children. Its not nice.

Who has taught your 11 year old to swear,?

Neither of my parents ever ever swear. They wouldn't even say something like "what the hell".

But at 11 I still knew all the swear words, including cunt, just from school. I'm not at all surprised an 11 year old knows the word, especially if they're in year 7.

I’d ask him if he knew what it actually meant first, chances are he’ll have heard it on the playground it that kind of context and just thought he’d use it at home to be ‘cool’ without knowing the impact

This is how I would handle it

It's always an option. Just leave him anyway.

Maybe she'd leave sweary 11 year old with the husband?

Yes, this. Sentiment perhaps understandable; vocabulary unacceptable.

They may hear it in the school playground but never heard any of my kids say it in the house.

What?? I have form for telling my kids "this is something we only say at home, not outside these four walls"....certain swear words, rude/edgy jokes...Save them getting into trouble at school or being judged by another parent.

But i would ban cunt at home. Mostly based on the absolute mortification of getting hauled into nursery and informed that toddler was calling his mates cunts.

Does anyone in the house use the word cunt?
Because if you do then I don’t think that there’s much that you can do.

What a delightful young man he'll grow up to be

I'd teach him about appropriate phrasing and try and steer him towards saying dickhead instead

How we can possibly comment without any input from you on acceptable language in your household?

We are swear-friendly.

But at 11, mine knew:

• you swear for a good reason not indiscriminately, or you lose the power of a good word
• you don’t swear at people “I fucking hated peas” would be OK, “why did you give me peas when I hate them you cunt” would not be OK
• you are mindful outside of the house because others have different views

How seriously would I take this? Who knows / you’ve given no background.

If he doesn’t realise it’s not an acceptable word / insult to me: just a verbal correction, not telling off.

If he knows it’s my “worst word” and is pushing a boundary but generally a good kid? A stern - yeah, no matey.

If he’s being a nasty little shit with no respect for my rules - then you’re into consequences.

What are your rules, and have you told him?

Well probably being much older than most who've responded I wouldn't be in the least bit relaxed about it.

I learnt to swear at primary school and I learned that that's where it stayed.

I would be horrified, as clearly DS2 wasn't bothering him and he was using it so casually.

I would be having a very clear discussion about what it and isn't appropriate and whilst you know he'll swear with his mates, that's where it stays.

Unless you want your 2 year-old coming out with the same language

I find it odd that people are shocked that he knows a swear word or saying he doesn’t know what it means at 11, of course he does, he is 11 not 3!

Tweens and teens swear, fine with their peers in context but I won’t have it in my house and absolutely not directed at a toddler. I would talk to him about how unacceptable it is, he needs to know this, if it was an adult calling a toddler that or even a 15:16 year old people would think it was horrendous and those years pass quickly.
Best to learn that lesson now.

Over reaction much?

You modelled that it was ok to insult your 2 year old when you called him a 'pain in the bum'. So naturally your 11 year old came up with his version of it. This is what children do, copy their elders.

To me "cunt" is a horrible word and it riles me to hear it, but other swear words don't bother me at all. Your 11 yo will use it with his peers regardless, but you certainly can ask him to refrain from saying it at home.

But maybe don't speak disparagingly of your 2 year old in front of the older one.

I would be punishing how you normally do in your household.

I come from a non swearing household and have never hear my adult dd swear.

What they do at school is different matter.

This response is the mist reasonable and realistic

It's not a reasonable and realistic response if you inherently disagree with kids swearing and the use of that word over all