Fake engagement ring

[noidea22]

I’ve been married for 8 years, and it’s always been on my mind. I can’t quite figure out how I feel about this.

My husband proposed to me with a £150 engagement ring. He had more than £100,000 savings in his account. But he was on a student visa and had not started working as he did not have a work visa. He was not able to work until he had a visa through marrying me. So I understand that he felt like he could not spend money without having a job.

He thought it was a real diamond, and never told me otherwise. His mother also advised him to buy this ring.

Some feminist part of me thinks that engagement rings are a bit backward and to just not worry about it. But then another part of me thinks I really deserve a beautiful ring like everyone else. I don’t wear my engagement ring because when I look at it I just feel like I was lied to. And it feels fake.

What would you think if you had this happen to you? Should I wear the ring?

@MarryingMrDarcy It would just be a nice gesture, wouldn't it? I suppose OP mightn't find it easy to say, and he's not psychic, so would have to magically come up with the idea himself.

Some women might be bold enough to ask.

I think if he had the money (100k) then it seems a little mean to buy one for £150. However if he was broke or needed the money then fair enough.Also why is he asking his DM for goodness sake? Surely he would just choose one or have gone with you? If you have been together 10 years then maybe you could say you would like an eternity ring. And make sure you go with him to choose it!

I wish my financially worse place included £100k in the bank…

It is not the value of the ring that counts, it is that he thinks you are gullible in saying that he thought it was a diamond. If it is a speck size maybe that is believable, if it is a half carat or more it would be off the back of a lorry at that price.

Because it's a unique item, that other contexts don't apply too.

It is traditionally a higher value piece of one off jewellery because it's something that usually is worn every day, for the rest of your life, and signifies the lifelong love and commitment from a spouse who has proposed as such. Many women like the status they feel with a "big" ring, and there is an underlying (perhaps wrong, but it still exists) link between having the best ring you can, because that's what your spouse wants for you. I know my DH is very proud of my ring, it's quite the thing, and I know he also feels pride when people complement it. I have been told countless times by strangers, how beautiful it is and that I am a "lucky" girl, it's always lovely to hear, and I think, yes, I am. I love wearing it. It took 3 years to find, because I knew what I wanted and DH didn't want to compromise because if I am wearing it for the rest of my life, and looking at it, makes me think of my DH, it's pretty important that it's right. If all he could afford at the time of engagement, was a £150 ring, then that's fine, because it would still be the very best he could do. If he could afford £15,000 without needing the money for anything else, and then chose a £150 ring, when the average ring is around £1500, I would wonder why.

I'm not big on jewellery. I never ask for any. I don't want any. Jewellery isn't important to me. An engagement ring is not the same as generic jewellery.

No wonder you’re miffed. You certainly deserve more than a £150 ring.

DW's engagement ring was £40 which was dirt cheap even in the 1970s. YABU.

Mate - jewellery clearly is important to you as you’ve basically written an essay about your engagement ring

I’d bet on the fact that he didn’t think a £150 ring contained a real diamond. Unless he’s lived in a cave and doesn’t know that diamonds cost more than costume jewellery. Sounds like he got you a replica diamond to save money, surely? Pull the claws out a bit so you ‘lose’ the stone…

My diamond engagement ring cost £95! It has a tiny, tiny diamond in it. It is real but it's all that could be afforded at the time.
I now have a diamond solitaire worth a lot more. I wear them both everyday because they were both bought, with love, by my DH.

Please be sarcasm

If you want a nice ring, why not buy one for yourself? I agree with the side of you that says the idea that a man should buy a woman a fancy ring is regressive... Unless you also plan on buying your husband an expensive gift too. That would be equality.

DW's engagement ring was £40 which was dirt cheap even in the 1970s. YABU.

Mate - how are your comprehension skills? What bit of "an engagement ring is not the same as jewellery" did you miss?

YANBU. Sick of this misogynist ‘women aren’t allowed to want anything expensive’ balls.

Having cheap or no taste never made anyone morally superior.

Your marriage, your choice. Go for it if you like jewelry.

He thought it was a diamond so how did he lie or give you a fake. If you don't like it don't wear it and ask dh to get you another ring.

Is it fake though? You can get diamond ring for £150
https://www.hsamuel.co.uk/sterling-silver-003ct-diamond-illusion-set-solitaire-ring/p/V-8357725

Definitely not sarcasm. Why should she feel bad for wanting more than a trinket particularly when he could easily afford it? Why should anyone expect so little?

What's with the ask him to buy you another bull? Just buy it yourself

You’re brave asking this on here, you’ll get loads of competitive shit ring posters telling you their engagement ring was 50p and wedding ring a haribo sweet but they’ve been happily married for 100 years.

My first 'engagement ring' at 16 was a ring pull off a can of coke, but surprisingly we never married.

It’s the thought that counts! How mercenary everyone seems to be. That’s not love!