Fake engagement ring

[noidea22]

I’ve been married for 8 years, and it’s always been on my mind. I can’t quite figure out how I feel about this.

My husband proposed to me with a £150 engagement ring. He had more than £100,000 savings in his account. But he was on a student visa and had not started working as he did not have a work visa. He was not able to work until he had a visa through marrying me. So I understand that he felt like he could not spend money without having a job.

He thought it was a real diamond, and never told me otherwise. His mother also advised him to buy this ring.

Some feminist part of me thinks that engagement rings are a bit backward and to just not worry about it. But then another part of me thinks I really deserve a beautiful ring like everyone else. I don’t wear my engagement ring because when I look at it I just feel like I was lied to. And it feels fake.

What would you think if you had this happen to you? Should I wear the ring?

This.

It's your engagement ring. I see the predictable race to the bottom has already started with the "my ring was a tenner and that should be enough for anyone" has started already.

It's the one piece of jewellery that you traditionally get presented with and wear every day for the rest of your life. It's supposed to be special, beautiful, quality, a token from your spouse to show what you mean to him. And special costs money. Sentiment doesn't. And people are deliberately claiming the two are the same. But you are more than entitled to want something more than a handful of Chinese takeaways in value. And that's not being grabby or materialistic.

If I knew someone had £1000 to spend on dinner, the most important, one off dinner we were going to have together, and they presented me with beans on toast, I'd be wondering why they chose so abnormally little for that one meal that was supposed to be special.

You married the man not the ring.

I'd be pissed off. He wouldn't even spend 1% of his money on me. Deeply disappointed. If he had nothing and came with metal washer and the love was behind it I wouldn't care but it's the fact he had loads of money.

He must think you're really gullible if he tells you he thought it was a diamond for thar amount of money. And your MIL! The thing is that a cubic zirconia (because that's what it will be for that price and the gold may just be plate which wears off) just doesn't look like that much like a diamond. Put one side by side with a real diamond and the difference in striking. They also have a tendency to go a bit cloudy or so I've heard. It probably does look fake.

Yes, I have an expensive solitaire diamond ring and I've been married 30 years so as far as I'm concerned cheap rings don't mean long marriages either. My ring is still beautiful after decades. I would want a decent ring when he got a work permit out of it. I got to choose my ring as well. I am sorry but it would stick in my craw that he had that amount in the bank and gave you little better than a Christmas cracker ring. Out of interest does your MIL have a similarly cheap ring? I wouldn't let him pick the replacement alone either as I've got a suspicion he is not going to go for nice eyebright diamond with good cut, clarity and colour. An eternity ring is not a replacement for an engagement style ring either - I told my husband never to get me one as tiny diamonds don't do it for me!

I always remember my friend who was young at the time chose her engagement ring and it cost less than £100 even though her future husband said he was happy in the £1000-£2000 mark. At the time I thought what the hell was she thinking but she said she doesn't want him to spend all his hard earned savings on a ring for her even though he made it clear she was worth it. And funnily enough they are the happiest couple I know with children now too.

It's not about the cost of the ring it's about what it represents

But then another part of me thinks I really deserve a beautiful ring like everyone else.

Then buy one yourself. What's stopping you?

It's not the ring but the thought that counts and the commitment!

Get over it!

Nothing wrong with wanting a nice ring, nothing wrong with upgrading a few years into the relationship.

The cool girls will shout about how they don't care about a ring, but it's what YOU care about that matters.

I personally wouldn't be happy to wear a £150 ring at this stage in life when things are more established.

My ring was three little diamonds and not very expensive. Unfortunately it got damaged within a year and I couldn’t wear it any more. A few years ago, I brought it to a jeweler and they remade it into a wedding ring, added a bunch of diamonds and I love it now!

I didn’t pay any attention to rings and such until a few years ago, one of my employers left her two rings on the counter and I had a good look! They were worth $50,000 and really gorgeous!

I wouldn’t spend that (because haha, I don’t have it!) but I wouldn’t say no if someone wanted to give them to me!

Ask him if you can get a new one?

Why is this an issue after 8 years - is he tight in other ways? Is the marriage generally happy?
If you just want a nice ring I'd either go with the anniversary idea or just upgrade now.

You could always upgrade your ring now.

I had a haribo ring as an engagement ring and I ate it. We are celebrating 10 years soon and I finally have a ring. Blooming dazzler too. If you like your ring OP wear it. If you don't ask for another.

When we got engaged I thought I was too cool for a traditional engagement ring, so I had a (very nice) dress ring which I wore for years. Then one day I was window shopping and spotted a half-price jewellery sale on, and I got the most beautiful ring. I told my husband that it was a trade-up for our 25th wedding anniversary and he was happy to pay for it.

If you can now afford to trade up, go have a look, and if you spot something you love tell your DH that you want an upgrade ring! Hopefully he'll be loving and generous enough to get it as an anniversary present?

Presumably he now has a job? If so, he can get you a beautiful eternity ring.

What, if anything, has he used his £100k savings for since you got married? If he put it toward a home (in both your names) or family expenses etc then he’s shown you who he is and I wouldn’t mind a “cheap” engagement ring because he was planning for our further and being a bit cautious/sensible ehen proposing. On the other hand if he’s still got the £100k in his own bank account or used for his own expenses or bought a house in his name only then he’s a stingy B and I’d be pretty upset

Married would mean the house is a joint asset anyway .

The visa is the big elephant in the room not the ring. .

Do you have a good marriage OP or just feel he married you to get a visa?

someone so thick that he thinks he got a diamond for 150, yet with 100,000 in a savings account, you really need to have a word with yourself ffs.

Agreed
My beautiful engagement ring - ruby was £200
Mind you it was 30 years ago.
But it was a fortune back then.

Now my ex let me believe my engagement ring ring was a diamond- he'd just done a week end job for about £200

It turned out to be a zirconia diamond (£30)

I found this out because after 2 weeks the stone became loose and I saw the price when I took it back to the shop for repair

I was furious - it wasn't the ring it was the lie.

And the money he'd earned on that weekend? Down the pub with his mates while I worked.

No wonder we broke the engagement

Where is op?
Oh no I've just replied to research

I would with ask for something for your anniversary, or if you think he won’t get you something nice just get the stone replaced.

I’m more interested in what happened since? Why the ficus on this ring?

Is it a happy marriage?
Get a nice one for Christmas or an anniversary.

I chose both our rings because DH is useless, he probably wouldn’t have bothered at all. The only thing he does as a surprise is book city breaks for us. He is a terrible gift giver! But he loves DD and I.

OP, I would be annoyed too. Fobbing you off with a fake is nasty.
He's diddled you and that suggests untrustworthiness.
Don't know why everyone is piling on you so badly. Sometimes Mumsnet is a weird place.