Fake engagement ring

[noidea22]

I’ve been married for 8 years, and it’s always been on my mind. I can’t quite figure out how I feel about this.

My husband proposed to me with a £150 engagement ring. He had more than £100,000 savings in his account. But he was on a student visa and had not started working as he did not have a work visa. He was not able to work until he had a visa through marrying me. So I understand that he felt like he could not spend money without having a job.

He thought it was a real diamond, and never told me otherwise. His mother also advised him to buy this ring.

Some feminist part of me thinks that engagement rings are a bit backward and to just not worry about it. But then another part of me thinks I really deserve a beautiful ring like everyone else. I don’t wear my engagement ring because when I look at it I just feel like I was lied to. And it feels fake.

What would you think if you had this happen to you? Should I wear the ring?

I'm not sure how he thought that a £150 ring was a real diamond. In any case, it sounds like he made a frugal choice and was encouraged to do this by his mother despite his large savings. I think at the end of the day it is more about your marriage and importantly how was he been as a husband for the past 8 years. Is he stingy towards you? If this still annoys you, bring it up with him, ask for a replacement of your choosing on your 10th anniversary?

If I wanted a beautiful ring, I would just go and buy myself one. That is the way to be sure that you get the ring you want.

According to an inflation calculator, mine cost the equivalent of £168 today and it's a 1/5 of a carat diamond.

My husband proposed to me with a nut from his toolbox. We were poor then. Have been happily married for 14 years. It's not about the cost.

That's really romantic. Do you still have the nut?

😆😆😆 Nice one, Cruise. Made me chuckle anyway.

Not sure why everyone comes on in competition for who had the cheapest ring when the OP clearly wanted a bit of a dazzler. For me, it boils down to him not knowing you. Would I be okay with it? Yeah, if he was a good man and otherwise pretty attentive.

How and when did you find out it was £150?

Did you think it was a real diamond until then?

He needed to marry you for a visa. And it cost him £150.

he has since presumably got a job. So why no replacement ring?

My engagement ring has been in its box since April 2019 because scar tissue on my ring finger means that I can't wear it (I removed the ring immediately after I sustained the injury and before I went to minor injuries as my finger swelled). I know what my DH paid for it and the amount paid is irrelevant; what matters is our commitment to one another.

My Mum never had an engagement ring, they have been together happily for 60yrs. My dad bought her a vintage art deco engagement ring after 45yrs and the stone fell out a few months later, so she still hasn't got one. The ring doesn't actually matter. Its what you think and those around you, that you think are judging you is what matters. Do you sit in meetings at work/social events feeling judged for the size of your stone?

If it were me, I would just buy myself a big fuck off ring that you happen to wear on your wedding finger and ask him to contribute an amount he feels comfortable with towards it. If he doesn't see the point, you kinda have your answer.

I think for me it would be the fact he had £100k in savings and still bought a cheap ring. If he was broke then fair enough.
He wasn’t though, and that would grate with me. It just seems mean. And also the fact his mum encouraged him to buy that ring. Did she disapprove of your wedding? More to this than meets the eye I think…

Sorry I don’t get it. Are you happy? Still in love? Know he loves you? I really don’t understand why you need a more expensive ring.

I don't see the point in getting a more expensive ring when you already have one? What price makes it an okay ring? They all do the same job.

What, if anything, has he used his £100k savings for since you got married? If he put it toward a home (in both your names) or family expenses etc then he’s shown you who he is and I wouldn’t mind a “cheap” engagement ring because he was planning for our further and being a bit cautious/sensible ehen proposing. On the other hand if he’s still got the £100k in his own bank account or used for his own expenses or bought a house in his name only then he’s a stingy B and I’d be pretty upset.

So in summary value of engagement ring doesn’t matter. Many couple marry when no money and then do well financial. You should be focusing on how he is around money and respect in a day by day basic in your relationship. If that’s good the rings no big deal (and it wouldn’t be a big deal to suggest buying a special ring together now you are more financial stable - assuming you are).

He married you for a visa so I think the ring is the least of your worried tbh

This.

To have £100,000 in savings and only spend £150 on an engagement ring, really says it all.

The work visa situation is irrelevant.

My first engagement ring was £15 . I recently (last year) got a new one as we could finally afford it. It was £165. Second hand with two tiny diamonds and a ruby centre. To me that's a lot. And we had to save for that. I'm shocked at the sneering and didn't know to be embarrassed of my cheap shit ring. Yabu.

I get it it's proper odd really. No love isn't about a big bling diamond but it's still odd in my opinion if you have 100k in savings and buy the person you supposedly adore a ring you could get from pandora.
Now a young couple in love no money of course a small simple ring or one later if they so choose.
You wear it for life and it's more about the truth between you than the bling and I would be hurt with that truth. I look at mine all the time and it makes me feel content. It's not hugely expensive but it involved some care and saving to choose this one.

First response has it

Tell him it’s time you had a nice ring and go shopping for it.

She’s not sneering. She wants a real diamond and it sounds like they can afford it.

It’s all relative anyway. Some people have £100,000 rings, others have £10,000, yet others have £1,000 and yet others have £100.

no comment 💆

Surely though if she gets the big expensive ring she 'deserves' 🙄 then its just a ring its not her engagement ring. Regardless of what else is purchased now the engagement ring will always be the £150 one

Meh... I couldn't get hung up on this... Especially if I loved my husband and what the ring meant. I've never married but if I was devoted a Haribo ring, that would do.. I'd eat it within 24 hrs, but the sentiment would be the same xx

What a weird attitude. Why does the cost matter to you?

My engagement ring was about £100 it was all my husband could afford at the time. Nearly 10 years later I still love it and would never change it, it's what he chose for me 🥰