Holiday , who is right/wrong

[glassyhag]

I'm going to try to be as simple as possible here.

Grand parents booked a cruise for summer 2025 and offer to take their eldest grandchild who will be 4 and offer the same to their nephew who will be 6. Both children play together occasionally and get on great at the grand parents house and aunties house, but don't spend a huge amount of time together else where. At 4 and 6 this means both kids will be eligible for the kids clubs within the same group and old enough to understand why they are not with their mum and dad at home.

Also , the nan's younger sister is going and taking her two children who will be 9 and 12. So lots of cousins having fun and help on hand to watch the younger ones. The parents of the grand child were 100% fine with this trip with grand parents despite initially being put out that the grand parents would not pay for them and the two other grand children to go on the same trip.

But something has been lost in translation and the parent has just realised 4 months on that the 6yo cousin is going (this was never hidden and has been openly discussed but the mum was pregnant and not sleeping well so may well have forgotten) and has expressed their unhappiness. They feel the grandparents should be taking their other grand child instead, who will be 3 at the time.

The grand parents have said they do not feel able to look after a 3 and a 4 year old for an entire week but will happily take both the children away for a week the following year and then the year after that take all 3 grand children away. ( she has 3 kids under age 3 ).

The grand parents are also planning on buying a motor home for retirement in 5 years, specifically to take the children travelling, as they will be old enough then to go for as long as they/the parents feel comfortable. Only adding this to show the GPs have every intention of spending some holidays with all the grand children every single year as soon as they are old enough. This trip is NOT a one off.

Anyway, now the parent has said her child is not allowed to go on the holiday as the grand parents are taking the nephew instead of the middle grand child. The grand parents have said they will not be forced into taking a child they don't feel they can safely care for , especially as he wouldn't be in the same kids club as his brother.

Who is being unreasonable?

@Santaiswashinghissleigh what happens is the parents of those children explain to their kids why Grandma cannot take them on holiday as much as they did with either their siblings or cousins. Why should there be any drama?

I wouldn't allow one of my DC go without the other it's unfair. A child doesn't understand next year and this next year might never happen with things cropping up.

As I child, me and my sister often had special time with grandparents, on our own. A week for me, another week for her.
i don’t think siblings need to always do the same, and there is a big difference taking a school aged child to a nursery aged one, even if the age difference is only a year.
so I would say… only taking children aged 4 and over on holiday. 3 year old will not necessarily understand what they are missing anyway.
if parent does not want 4 year old to go than 4 year old is missing out.

I think you’re unfair and absolutely mad to be taking some of the GC and not all of them. I’d just go without any of them. Less hassle for everyone.

I have 2 children 7 and 12 now, but my mum doesn’t always want to take both of them together because of the age gap and we explain that this isn’t suitable for one of them, but they’ll do something nice with Granny next time. A three year old should be fairly easily distracted surely?

on what planet do families have to do everything together all the time. I think it’s a lovely thing you’re doing and the kids will have a great time.

OP, I was the younger child in this situation and it did not bother me one bit that my grandparents took my older siblings on holiday and not me. I never felt any less loved, I knew they cared about us equally and in fact as we grew up to be adults, I was the closest to my Grandma out of all of us.

Hope you have a lovely holiday OP

She hasn't up to now as she is very career focused and has a step son. She also states custody with his dad. So her child is often with us on days out/holidays or with his grandparents ( our mum and her DH/our step dad). It's a strange dynamic.

@GooseClues You are correct that out out my 3 grand children the 2 youngest are closest in age. The eldest is almost 3 . and then the next is just 13 months and the baby is 4 weeks. You can have a full convo with the eldest but the middle one is still babbling and only saying 3-4 ways and only just walking the length of a room properly.

"Anyway, now the parent has said her child is not allowed to go on the holiday as the grand parents are taking the nephew instead of the middle grand child."

This is where it goes wrong. The parent is wrong and being silly.
The grandparents are not taking the nephew "instead" of the other grandchild, they were always taking the nephew and never taking the other grandchild.
In my view, 3 years old is too young to be away from parents on a holiday, especially on a cruise where options for contact and returning home are limited. And in this case, also because the 3 year old would be separated from the other two children in the kids club.
The parent is being silly in preventing the 4 year old from enjoying this treat with their grandparents and cousins.
It seems very clear the grandparents have other plans in place for future holidays with each child when they are old enough.

What a load of entitled nonsense. You can feel free to grandparent any way you want but you don’t get to call the op a rubbish one just because they do things differently. Young children are very hard work and having them all at the same time would be very challenging. The op is already being exceptionally generous and has explained they will treat the other grandchildren later. The entitlement of some parents is bloody outrageous.

Just as well the op isn’t offering then 😂

I think you’re being reasonable OP. Kids can change quite a bit from 3 to 4 years old in terms of manageability, plus a 4 and 6 year old are likely to get on better together than all three of them. Silly of them to deny their child this opportunity.

I see nothing wrong in what your doing. I had the best relationship with my nan and grandad and we used to take it in turns to go away with them. My sister born ten years after rarely stayed there or went out with them and my youngest sibling even less.
We all loved and thought the world of them.

You say the 6 year old’s Mum is your daughter’s cousin, but you refer to him as your nephew. Is that right or have I mixed up the family tree? If you’re taking your niece’s son instead of another of your grandkids- and your niece and your daughter don’t get on - then I can see how that would wind her up.

I couldn’t imagine taking my kids when they were that age on a cruise ship! No way. If I was you I’d go on my own have a wonderful relaxing time and then take them when they were all older. Also what will you do if the weather happens to be bad? On the news there was a horrendous story of a cruise ship in a storm!

The grandparents should perhaps rethink their plans for the years going forward. This mom of the 3 year old is unreasonable.

YANBU and you did tell your daughter. It’s up to you who you take and if your daughter isn’t happy with the plan then unfortunately the eldest grandchild won’t be able to go. Seems a shame for the eldest to miss out because the middle child can’t go when your daughter was originally happy with only the eldest going.

You have no idea what the kids will even be like in 2 years time, the 4 year old could be a nightmare to handle and the 3 year old super laid back, you can't know that now at just 1 and 2 years of age.

My only input is 2025 is a long way away and you don't know what that 2yo will be like. There are lots of different kinds of 4yo boys and some of them would be fine in kids club and on a cruise in general and others you wouldn't even consider it! 6yo is a much safer age. You're brave 😁

I agree you can invite whoever you want and they can accept or decline. And that cut off for kids clubs is quite a key milestone, which maybe your daughter doesn't fully appreciate while she has 3 tiny ones.

I think the 3 year old would be unhappy if their older sibling went away on holiday, not because they would feel they were missing out but because they'd miss their playmate. That's why I wouldn't want them separated.

Your daughter sounds very spoiled, OP. Her suggestion that you pay for the entire family is laughable.

This would be fine in my extended family because getting to have age appropriate experiences is part of growing up.
My DCs have been away without each other, due to different interests and also the older one has a same-aged cousin so they have done stuff with their auntie.
We then get to spend quality time with our younger child doing stuff he likes to do.
However, it's clear from many posts here that lots of people think you have to take everyone, so maybe in your family, you do.
I'd cancel taking any grandchildren, your nephew will have a great time with the 9 and 12 year old.
Trips with grandparents are wonderful enriching things to do, so maybe wait for another time when you can take the three children - in 5 or so years maybe!

So she's got a 4 week old, a 1 year old, a 2 year old, a 3 year old and a 4 year old?

What the hell??

"
I have 4 adult kids, one of those has 3 babies. A has two kids age currently 7-11. B has one child currently age 4 . It's my eldest kid, the mum of 3 babies that doesn't get along with B as they are close in age and similar in personality."

I thought the nephew was 6?

Now you're saying he's 4?

Yes, 2 year old and 1 year old will be 4 and 3 in 2025 when they go on holiday. What’s confusing about it?

Sorry, I see you are talking about the ages they will be in 2025.

Well, I think your daughter is acting a bit spoilt about it, it's up to you who you take.

But I do feel a better option would be to enjoy the cruise alone and do a UK holiday with all the kids (and parents).

But by the same token I understand you say the grandson and nephew get on well and you would like to take them.