Holiday , who is right/wrong

[glassyhag]

I'm going to try to be as simple as possible here.

Grand parents booked a cruise for summer 2025 and offer to take their eldest grandchild who will be 4 and offer the same to their nephew who will be 6. Both children play together occasionally and get on great at the grand parents house and aunties house, but don't spend a huge amount of time together else where. At 4 and 6 this means both kids will be eligible for the kids clubs within the same group and old enough to understand why they are not with their mum and dad at home.

Also , the nan's younger sister is going and taking her two children who will be 9 and 12. So lots of cousins having fun and help on hand to watch the younger ones. The parents of the grand child were 100% fine with this trip with grand parents despite initially being put out that the grand parents would not pay for them and the two other grand children to go on the same trip.

But something has been lost in translation and the parent has just realised 4 months on that the 6yo cousin is going (this was never hidden and has been openly discussed but the mum was pregnant and not sleeping well so may well have forgotten) and has expressed their unhappiness. They feel the grandparents should be taking their other grand child instead, who will be 3 at the time.

The grand parents have said they do not feel able to look after a 3 and a 4 year old for an entire week but will happily take both the children away for a week the following year and then the year after that take all 3 grand children away. ( she has 3 kids under age 3 ).

The grand parents are also planning on buying a motor home for retirement in 5 years, specifically to take the children travelling, as they will be old enough then to go for as long as they/the parents feel comfortable. Only adding this to show the GPs have every intention of spending some holidays with all the grand children every single year as soon as they are old enough. This trip is NOT a one off.

Anyway, now the parent has said her child is not allowed to go on the holiday as the grand parents are taking the nephew instead of the middle grand child. The grand parents have said they will not be forced into taking a child they don't feel they can safely care for , especially as he wouldn't be in the same kids club as his brother.

Who is being unreasonable?

@housethatbuiltme

When they expected us to pay their entire family to go I did offer a compromise in that we would pay the deposit for all of them to have a cabin of their own, and they could then pay the remaining balance to me weekly and I would see it was paid for in full. But they declined.

This!

Are they cousins, or are they aunt and niece? Those aren't the same thing.

None of that matters.

OP can invite who she likes. Daughter is entitled to say her eldest child can't go but she can't dictate who OP invites.

I'd be tempted to say "OK, no problem, there will be other opportunities for holidays in future years".

It’s fine for her to say no - the 3 year old would know that their sibling has gone away and they weren’t invited. They may be 2 and 1 now but in 2 years they’ll be very used to playing with each other.

Sorry to disappoint you but I have been on a Caribbean cruise and a Mediterranean one . On the former we hit a storm and I certainly felt the ship move .
Maybe try not to be so patronising??

To the petite saying this was never going to go down well, my daughter 100% aged that we could take the eldest grand child and had zero issue with him being separated from his siblings. But today she's had a brief conversation with my sister B who mentioned about her son going with us and she's gone a bit OTT demanding we take the middle one instead. As I say, she has been pregnant and not sleeping so maybe she just didn't hear the multiple conversations we've had but now she's says NO unless I uninvite my mega to take her middle child ( leaving a then 2 year old gc at home alone) .

I wish I'd never booked for anybody 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

@glassyhag no good deed goes unpunished!

There was a story when my daughter was born a few years ago of a grandparent sitting a toddler/small child on a rail next to a window on a cruise, only there was a missing pane of glass and the child fell to their death. Still gives me shivers to think about it.

I agree too. There is quite a difference between 3 and 4, especially as one could be close to five and the other only just three ? My dd at three was a massive tantrummer and still a toddler really, whereas at four she was in school and more of a very little child.

I think the grandparents are bu. Why take some grandchildren but not others. Why not wait until they are older.

You’re a kind granny - it’s not fair to expect you to look after a 3 and 4 year old. It’s your holiday too isn’t it!

@glassyhag Why would anyone take their grandchild and their NEPHEW??? Surely the nephew's own grandparent or parents would take that child on holiday??? choosing the nephew over their own grandchild doesnt sit right! Are the grandparents also paying for the gran's sister and her kids to go on the cruise?????

Yanbu. You offered ages ago and she accepted. She’s just now throwing her toys out of the pram because she’s realised nephew is going. It’s noting to do with the 3 year old it’s being spiteful to the nephew or rather his mum that’s all.

Also v v greedy to try and demand an invite for one child is turned into a paid for holiday for five.

The OP isn't old, she's 45.

Because they are family. What kind of a logic is that? Should I have not taken my aunt on a holiday with me just because she has her own children who should do it instead?
Besides the OP is not choosing the nephew over her other grandchild. The younger grandchild is too small for her to manage.

Shitty behaviour from the grandparent IMO when the children are so close in age. I still remember feeling very hurt when my grandparents wanted to take my sibling away and leave me behind, thankfully my parents put a stop to it.

Your daughter has probably realised the six year old is coming and is wondering why the second child you chose to take was a nephew and not your younger grandson.

Also why on earth do you think you’re doing her a massive favour by taking ONE of her children on holiday?! I mean it’s nice for you and the child but hardly going to make her life far easier and presumably she didn’t ask for it. If anything it might make life more difficult for her in the short term.

Threads like this make me so glad to have my lovely parents who’d never dream of excluding a child.

it looks like the nephew of OP is taking priority over her grandchild! Who is Mega??? the 6 year old is not the cousin of the grandchild!! and neither are the other two children!!

Well you wouldn’t be taking my children away without me.

Grandparents are right

You are right not to withdraw the nephew's place just because your daughter is now making a fuss about it. She can decide not to let her 4 year old go on the trip if the three year old isn't going but she doesn't get to insist that the 3 year old now goes instead of the 6 year old.

I can see why you wouldn't want to take the 3 year old. There's far too much that can go wrong on a cruise.

Parents sound ungrateful.
But Prehaps GP are being a bit ambitious trying to take more than one child at a time on a cruise

@YaWeeFurryBastard I'm absolutely not doing her a massive favour taking one child away. But within 2 years I will be taking all 3 Children away. And then regularly at last once a year. If I'm allowed that is.

I think somebody ( regardless of who it is) taking your kids for a few hours or even a week IS a favour?

And to the people saying why invite a grandchild and a nephew, why NOT? They are close in age and enjoy each others company. Tonight I'm going to sister As house and B is coming with my nephew. My daughter has been invited with her 3 kids as we actually enjoy spending time together even if my daughter and sister aren't best friends, we are still family and they would defend each other to the death ( which seems contrary but it's just the way they are). The kids are very close in age and could even end up in the same school. Why not cultivate that friendship? Why not give my beige some life experiences that he will never get otherwise?

Anyway, thanks for the various opinions and I have taken them all on board. I absolutely do want my grand children to be able to go on holiday so I think I will just pay for a haven for them and just take my nephew.

Are you sure? I might have space 😂

@glassyhag does sister B not go on holiday at all with her child??? or is it only you who takes him on holiday????

I’m surprised by the responses. In 2025 the middle child will be barely 3 and actually closer in age to the youngest sibling, not the oldest. By the “can’t leave a sibling of similar age home” logic the OP would have to take all three which obviously is not reasonable.
Plus there’s a massive difference between a 4 year old and a barely 3 year old. Potty training potentially being one…. Also I don’t know many 3 year olds who would be happy to be away from their parents for a full week.