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Original poster

SIL uninvited DCs to party

411 replies

Cocoadoodle · 17/11/2023 11:35

SIL is having a big birthday party tomorrow night. It’s family and friends and has been booked for ages at a local venue with bar, disco.
Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.
We have 2 DCs, so SILs niece and nephew. DD 10, DS 7
This morning she’s nonchalantly messaged me saying oh no, just found out after speaking to the venue that kids aren’t allowed. I asked her weeks ago and she said they were! My DC are so excited to celebrate their aunts birthday and see their cousins/other kids from extended family, and now they can’t go and she doesn’t seem to give two shits! They’re going to be gutted.
Cousin (in law) is driving over after school tonight to stay at ours with her kids for the weekend, and SIL hasn’t even bothered to tell them that their kids are now not invited.
I know I’m not being U, but what are we supposed to do? Or maybe I am being U as it’s her party so she can do as she pleases.

OP posts:
Whiteday · 17/11/2023 16:55

MayThe4th · 17/11/2023 16:36

And if I remember rightly @LaurieStrode · is the poster on the financial abuse thread who is suggesting that the victim is responsible for the fact she’s in an abusive relationship.

In other words, best ignored.

Makes sense!

MadMadMad · 17/11/2023 17:05

I would be sending her a bill for yours and the children’s costumes and for DH’s hire and I would expect him not to go explaining he will now be staying home with his disappointed children. It would serve her right if most people don’t now go as she should have checked this in the first place.

CynicalOne · 17/11/2023 17:11

FallingStar21 · 17/11/2023 15:18

100+ guests??
Fascinating how the most thoughtless people can have so many social connections and people who want to be in their lives. Your SIL is very lucky.

If it's me I'd give DH the news but leave it to him (or his DSis) to explain to the children why they suddenly can't come.
It's bad enough they'd be excluded from something they were really looking forward to, but what about the parents who've travelled, bought fancy outfits, gifts, etc..who now may also not be able to come due to childcare issues?

Not just that! Depending on the location of the party, the hotels could be very expensive, and people may have already had to pay for them! Then there’s the cost of the fuel, the cost of the meals, as if they’re driving down today, they have to pay for dinner, possibly breakfast tomorrow and Sunday, lunch tomorrow and Sunday, fuel to return home.

I would say that of 10 people (so 20 to include the spouses/partners), plus ~20 kids aren’t going to the party, that’s 40 less people, out of 100.

Changing venue might be infeasible as SIL would no doubt have had to pay at least a deposit, if not the full amount due to it being 24 hours prior. Wouldn’t surprise me if the venue called to take the rest of the money and SIL made an offhand remark about the kids and that’s when she found out.

She definitely needs to let people know though because they can then decide if they want to travel or just swallow the cost of the hotel room, return the costumes, and not have to pay out for fuel.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 17/11/2023 17:14

Depending on the overall ages of the kids involved, if people are still planning to come over, could you all descend on a soft play dressed in fancy dress? Or to bowling or something. You could combine seeing everyone with food and fun and the costumes wouldn’t go to waste.

MarkWithaC · 17/11/2023 17:17

lanthanum · 17/11/2023 16:08

It's not that she's choosing to uninvite the children - it's just an unfortunate mistake that she didn't check with the venue and that they didn't alert her that children are not allowed. She probably just didn't realise that children might be an issue for the venue, and took your enquiry to be about whether she wanted the children there.

She's obviously not yet realised the implications for parents of their children not being able to come - she'll discover soon enough that they will not all be able to attend. It would be nice if there could be a meet-up the following day so that everyone gets to see each other - unfortunately I don't think it's going to be "meet up for a walk and a picnic" weather. She might appreciate any suggestion you can make of a good place to meet up - if you're local with kids, you probably have a better idea than she does of suitable places.

No, sorry, this is just rubbish. The OP ASKED if kids were allowed – anyone with any brain/sense would check, if in any doubt: 'Do you mean allowed in the venue or do you mean are they invited to the party?'?

MarkWithaC · 17/11/2023 17:18

MayThe4th · 17/11/2023 16:33

TBH I don’t even think this is about upset children.

This is about organising an vent, inviting people to drive there from afar, to make arrangements to stay, and then to essentially tell them that although she wants them there, they now have to make alternative arrangements for half of their family, and all this at the eleventh hour.

Presumably if she was inviting 20/30 kids she would have made some kind of provision for them?

There’s absolutely no way she didn’t know IMO. My thinking is that she had her heart set on this place but she knew people wouldn’t agree to go if the kids weren’t invited so she made out that they were invited and then changed the goalposts at the last minute and played dumb thinking that people would just make other arrangements.

I hope no-one goes.**

Yes, this. It's a big family thing and she's failed to make sure she can actually accommodate a large proportion of the family.

CynicalOne · 17/11/2023 17:19

MrsCarson · 17/11/2023 16:00

She sounds pretty dim.
What does she think all these families will do with the kids, lock them in the hotel rooms while the parents party?
She's going to have a lot of pissed off people who have gone to a lot of trouble with costumes, hotels and travel expense only to find out on the day they aren't going to be able to attend.

It worked on Home Alone…😉

JayAlfredPrufrock · 17/11/2023 17:20

Does she have children?

birdglasspen2 · 17/11/2023 17:32

Maybe the venue could do you BYOB then kids could come?

CynicalOne · 17/11/2023 17:35

LaurieStrode · 17/11/2023 16:29

I'd be interested to know if/why the OP spent money on costumes. Surely they would just be made of things found around the house, or creatively? Who would spend money on kiddie fancy dress for a couple of hours at the pub?

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You are sooooo right!

@Cocoadoodle could have totally made nipple covers out of a couple toilet roll (is Blue Peter still on TV? If not look for YouTube videos, anyone who can make a Barbie house out of square of loo paper, can certainly make nipple covers out of toilet rolls!) and a fig leaf out of foil x2 (one for DH).

Probably make some shoes out of old tissue boxes and reinforce the bottom with facecloths.

You could have made a fairy outfit for DD out of some leaves sewn to the bottom of a skirt, a wand made out of tinfoil and wings made out of tinfoil wrapped around cardboard, with cotton wool balls glued on!

For your DS, he could have worn a pair of plain pyjamas with his head in a box, cut out so only his face shows and he’s a space man. Make some aerials out of tinfoil and Bob’s your uncle!

I just don’t know, these modern families……..

P.S. You know I wasn’t being serious, right?

Figgygal · 17/11/2023 17:37

She might be a flake in having no realised the venue wont allow kids but its hardly her fault that they don't and utterly ridiculous to think she can change venues at this point.

Hereforthebunfights · 17/11/2023 17:38

Figgygal · 17/11/2023 17:37

She might be a flake in having no realised the venue wont allow kids but its hardly her fault that they don't and utterly ridiculous to think she can change venues at this point.

It's her fault she didn't ask if they did.

CynicalOne · 17/11/2023 17:38

Red0 · 17/11/2023 16:48

@LaurieStrode needs a hug ❤️

She needs something! 🙄

AmytheDancingBrick · 17/11/2023 17:38

Whiteday · 17/11/2023 16:54

@LaurieStrode surely people have better things to do than make bloody fancy dress costumes!

Life's far too short for that shit!

I was going to say exactly the same thing!

CynicalOne · 17/11/2023 17:43

Whiteday · 17/11/2023 16:54

@LaurieStrode surely people have better things to do than make bloody fancy dress costumes!

Life's far too short for that shit!

Life’s far too short for that

Tell me you’re joking! I wrote a whole ass post with full instructions!

Mum and Dad were going as Adam and Eve, DD was Tinkerbell and DS was Yuri Gagarin……Bloody Hell 😞

JeezWhatNext · 17/11/2023 17:43

Just all meet at MILs house.

WhichIsItWendy · 17/11/2023 17:44

crumblingschools · 17/11/2023 14:26

@WhichIsItWendy did you read that the OP had asked SIL weeks ago whether DC were allowed at the venue. How would you feel if you are travelling down from afar with kids and booked hotel only to find out the day before your kids aren't allowed at the venue. I know this isn't OP but will apply to a number of the guests.

As I said.... I'd feel disappointed but people make mistakes!

WhichIsItWendy · 17/11/2023 17:48

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 17/11/2023 14:27

You don't have kids, do you?!

OP's kids will have been looking forward to this and wearing their outfit! Now they'll be upset and likely in tears. OP specifically asked SIL weeks ago if kids could come and SIL said YES!
Also family with kids are travelling far enough to come to the party, that they're staying over at OP's house (so must be a fair distance).

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I have three actually! All too young to be left at home alone, so yes, I get it. OP will have to stay home while husband goes to celebrate his sister's.

As I said... It's annoying, but hey it's life. There are 100 reasons why people have to change plans especially with kids. Illness, work, stress. All kinds of reasons.

In this situation, a human made a mistake. Should she have checked first? Of course. But she didn't. That. Is. Life. Move on.

LaurieStrode · 17/11/2023 17:52

WhichIsItWendy · 17/11/2023 17:48

I have three actually! All too young to be left at home alone, so yes, I get it. OP will have to stay home while husband goes to celebrate his sister's.

As I said... It's annoying, but hey it's life. There are 100 reasons why people have to change plans especially with kids. Illness, work, stress. All kinds of reasons.

In this situation, a human made a mistake. Should she have checked first? Of course. But she didn't. That. Is. Life. Move on.

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Agree. It's unfair to turn their babysitting issue into SIL's problem.

WhichIsItWendy · 17/11/2023 17:56

Cocoadoodle · 17/11/2023 15:04

How so? Which part is OTT and unfair?

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Agreeing with posters that she's thick?

Writing this on Mumsnet which a LOT of people use? It's would be blatantly obvious to her if she sees this. (And posts often go up on Daily mail etc after and Facebook feeds).

She screwed up. It's a party, just stay at home and have a nice evening with the kids. Disappointing? Annoying? Yes. But as a grown up, you should be able to cope with this change of plan, as should the others, without taking it as such a huge deal and insulting her over it.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 17/11/2023 17:58

LaurieStrode · 17/11/2023 17:52

Agree. It's unfair to turn their babysitting issue into SIL's problem.

Show quote history

But it’s a problem SIL has caused. Not only did she not take on board that no minors were allowed at the party venue, she didn’t check but pretended she had when the OP asked her to confirm children were allowed.

The various guests only have a ‘babysitting issue’ because of SIL’s stupidity so yes, I think it’s absolutely her problem.

Chipsahoyagain · 17/11/2023 17:59

She deserves a blasting from everyone. What a stupid and selfish thing to do. People who these types of things get away with it because they always play dumb and thoughtless. Do you know what
Proves this? All she will do is tell everyone and not be bothered further at the inconvenience it causes.

Katherineryan1986 · 17/11/2023 17:59

I presume she hasn’t realised that the people who have children will just not attend. And her party will be rather deplete on guests.

Any normal person would have checked if the venue allowed children and then decided accordingly whether to hold the party there or not. I presume she doesn’t have kids of her own as she has been so thoughtless

MayThe4th · 17/11/2023 18:01

Anyone who says that this was a mistake is naive.

There’s no way she didn’t know that kids weren’t allowed. She would have mentioned when she paid the deposit that there were x amount of adults and x amount of kids.

IMO she planned to tell everyone at the last minute because she thought they’d just are alternative arrangements for their kids because they’d feel it was too late to back out now, as opposed to weeks ago when many may have chosen not to go.

It’s far too coincidental that she just happened to find out a day before the party. How exactly do people think she found out?

WhichIsItWendy · 17/11/2023 18:02

MayThe4th · 17/11/2023 18:01

Anyone who says that this was a mistake is naive.

There’s no way she didn’t know that kids weren’t allowed. She would have mentioned when she paid the deposit that there were x amount of adults and x amount of kids.

IMO she planned to tell everyone at the last minute because she thought they’d just are alternative arrangements for their kids because they’d feel it was too late to back out now, as opposed to weeks ago when many may have chosen not to go.

It’s far too coincidental that she just happened to find out a day before the party. How exactly do people think she found out?

Edited

OP says she isn't malicious and that this will be a mistake. Do you know OPs SIL better than her?

I may be naive (but I'm not) but you're a drama llama.